James Islington - The Shadow Of What Was Lost

“Oh, of course. That… must be hard.” Asha was silent for a moment. “What about Elocien?”

“Elocien?” Erran seemed not to understand what she was asking for a second. Then he gave a short laugh. “To talk to about this sort of thing? No, we never did. It’s just… not the same.” He shuffled his feet, looking impatient. “We really should hurry. The last thing we need is the Representative asking questions about where you were at this time of the morning.”

Asha nodded her agreement. They exited the room, Erran locking the door behind them, and began walking back into the main structure of the palace.

Asha was relieved to see that Michal wasn’t already waiting when they reached her rooms. She said a quick goodbye to Erran, then slipped inside, wondering if there was time for a quick nap before Michal arrived.

She’d barely climbed back into bed when there was a knock on the door.

Muttering to herself, Asha opened the door to find Michal waiting. He looked at her with a pleased expression.

“You’re already up,” he said with an approving smile. “Good to see you’re getting into a routine.”

Asha opened her mouth to correct him, then just gave a resigned nod, falling into step alongside the Elder. “So what are we studying this morning?”

“Something a little more practical, actually.” Michal glanced behind them to make sure no-one was listening, then lowered his voice. “There was an interesting piece of news last night – it’s worrying, but it’s also something that could significantly change our position here. Once it becomes public knowledge, we may get more visitors than I can handle. I need to prepare you to meet with some of the minor Houses by yourself.”

Asha frowned, taken aback. “What was the news?”

“An unknown army has been sighted within Andarra’s borders, to the north.” Michal grimaced. “Invasion, from the sounds of it.”

Asha went cold. Michal was still talking, but she didn’t hear whatever he was saying.

The Augurs had been right. The attack on Ilin Illan was coming.

Wirr couldn’t help but smile as Dezia laughed, admiring the way her deep blue eyes shone when she was enjoying herself.

They were sitting a little way away from the others, within sight of the camp but not so close that anyone could overhear their conversation. Evening was falling, and Taeris had just told them that by his estimate, they were less than a day from reaching Deilannis.

As a result, the group was in good spirits. Since the sha’teth had spoken to them ten days ago, the only trouble they’d encountered had been occasional Desrielite patrols along the road, all of which they had avoided easily enough. Taeris and Nihim were wary of how straightforward their passage had been – both insisted that the sha’teth would not have given up its pursuit – but their fears had done little to dampen the mood.

Wirr’s own mood was as close to positive as it had been since they had left Thrindar. He still grieved for his friends; he knew he probably would for a long time. But the pain was fading, settling. Becoming bearable. For the first time, he felt as though he was moving forward again.

He glanced across at Davian, smile fading as he wondered whether his friend felt the same way. He hoped so. They’d spoken little of the school in recent times; the days on the road had been long, and there had been few opportunities for truly private conversation.

“You’re worried about him.” Dezia had followed his gaze.

Wirr gave an absent nod. The others knew about what had happened at the school – after a few days of travelling, it had seemed better to just get it all out in the open. Still, despite everyone’s heartfelt sympathies, Dezia was the only one who had managed to make Wirr feel comfortable discussing it. “I’ve tried talking to him a couple of times, but… I don’t know what to say. He’s lost so much.”

“As much as you,” Dezia pointed out quietly.

“No.” Wirr shook his head. “It’s been hard for me too, but… he’s been at that school all his life. He was a servant there before he ever got the Mark. Those people were my friends, but they were his family.”

And there had been Asha, too. The pain Wirr felt for her loss, he knew Davian felt tenfold. But that wasn’t his grief to share.

Dezia looked at him for a long moment. “You think he blames you.”

“How could he not?” Wirr asked softly. “He says he doesn’t, but it’s my fault.”

“It’s the fault of whoever did it,” Dezia said in gentle rebuke. “Davian’s still grieving, Wirr – you both are. Even I can see that. If he’s not talking much, that’s probably his way of dealing with what he’s going through. Some people just need space. I wouldn’t assume it’s because he’s angry with you.”

Wirr sighed. “I hope you’re right.”

There was silence for a while, though it was a companionable one. Eventually Dezia lay back, gazing up at the stars.

“Was it difficult, when you first went to the school?”

Wirr frowned. “Difficult?”

“Leaving Ilin Illan. Pretending to be someone you’re not.” She raised her head to look at him. “I mean – I’ve spent a lot of time around Karaliene, so I can imagine how people would have treated you in the palace. To go from that to nothing….” She shrugged. “It seems like it would have been a difficult transition.”

Wirr shook his head, feeling a pang of sorrow as he did every time he thought of the school. “Maybe a little, at first – but there were things at Caladel that I never could have had as a prince. Things I hadn’t even imagined growing up in Ilin Illan.”

“Like what?”

“Anonymity. Free time. Real friendship.”

Dezia nodded slowly. “I suppose I can see how you would make that trade,” she conceded. She cocked her head to the side. “Is that why you left with Davian?”

Wirr grunted. “Karaliene asked me the same question.”

“Your cousin can be very insightful.”

“Sometimes.” Wirr shook his head. “Honestly, I don’t know. I came because I thought it was important to find out what was going on with the Boundary, with the sig’nari. And especially because I didn’t want Dav to be out here alone. For all his intelligence, he’s naïve in many ways; he’d never been out in the real world before. He needed me along.” He shrugged. “But I won’t lie. The thought of going back to Ilin Illan, leaving my friends in the school behind and pretending I’d never been there, didn’t sit well either. Maybe that influenced my decision, maybe it didn’t. It’s hard to say.”

There was silence for a few moments, then Wirr turned to Dezia. “What about you?”

Dezia frowned. “What about me?”

Wirr gestured around him. “You said you came because of your brother, but I remember most of the girls from the Houses - even if they were somehow forced to come on a journey like this, they would be kicking and screaming most of the way. I haven’t heard a word of complaint from you.”

Dezia raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying I’m not ladylike?”

Wirr grinned. “I’m saying that you had the opportunity to stay with Karaliene and enjoy an easy trip back to Ilin Illan, but you chose to come with us. I know a lot of that is from loyalty to your brother, but you don’t strike me as someone who’s pining to be home, either.”

Dezia smiled. “I suppose that’s true,” she admitted. She thought for a moment. “Life in the palace can be… difficult, sometimes. I don’t hate it, but I’m in no rush to return to it, either.”

“Any particular reason?”

Dezia gave an awkward shrug. “Being the king’s ward, and friends with Karaliene, isn’t always the easiest position to be in.”