Harry Harrison - The Stainless Steel Rat Goes to Hell

"Touch it," Slakey whispered. Leaning out and pressing his hand flat against it. I hesitated, then did the same. Indescribable but incredibly exciting. This was a sensation I could learn to live with.

"Follow me," he said, walking around the sphere, running his hand along it as he went. I followed, doing the same. There was a short flight of white steps ahead, the top resting against the sphere. He touched a button beside the steps and a great plug of unnildecnovum swung out above us, leaving an opening in the sphere's exterior. We climbed the steps and went inside.

The sphere was hollow and the wall was at least a meter thick. And the indescribable sensation was even more indescribable. Slakey pointed at the row of black coffin—like structures in the center of the sphere. We approached them and looked into the first. A thin Slakey was lying inside, eyes closed, scarcely breathing. His right arm lay across his chest and I recognized him now. His hand was missing.

Not quite. I leaned over and looked and saw that a tiny pink hand was growing out of the stump.

"Life everlasting!" Slakey shouted. Drops of spittle flew. "I rest here and rejuvenate. If I am wounded, my body repairs itself. And I grow younger here. Surrounded by the unnildecnovum, entropy is reversed. Instead of getting older, tireder, senescent—I grow younger, energeticer, youthfuler. And the more unnildeenovum I add to the sphere the faster reverse entropy moves. So you see what I am offering you? Eternity. Join me and live forever! One of these entropy shells could be yours."

That is the kind of offer that is very hard to refuse. Who Could possibly say no to the offer of immortality?

I could for one. Not because I wanted to but because I had to. If I joined him I would be no better than him. I must admit I quavered. But I thought of Angelina waiting for me and summoned up all the strength that I could. It was impossible to move. Almost impossible. I turned, very slowly I must admit, and walked—even more slowly—towards the light of day.

This was not for me, not alone. But it was oh so tempting! Maybe I could do it if I took Angelina with me. But then we would of course have to bring the boys too. And naturally Professor Coypu would like the idea—as would our boss Inskipp. It would get to be mighty crowded inside the sphere.

If it was hard to walk away, it was even incredibly harder to get out of the thing. I don't know how long I stood in the exit. I couldn't force myself to step forward and leave, it took every iota of willpower I possessed to just shift my weight, to lean forward, off balance. I fell, automatically did a shoulder roll down the stairs and out Onto the grass. I lay unmoving for quite a time. Finally sighed and climbed to my feet. Slakey was standing at the entrance above.

"I must say that you make a very good offer, Professor."

"I do. And you will of course accept." "Let's go sit by the bomb and discuss it."

I didn't really care about the bomb; I just wanted to be as far away from the lure of eternity as I could get.

"Let's talk offers," I said patting the bomb. He nodded stiffly. "I am saying no to your offer. Thanks a lot but no thanks."

"Inconceivable!" he spluttered.

"For you—but not for me. Thousands must have died because of you and your obsessive desire to hold onto your single miserable life. If I could snuff it out at this moment I would. In all of its multiple aspects. I wish I had the guts to trigger this bomb—but I value my own life too much. I have a lot to live for—and I look forward to living a long and happy and rejuvenated life. Now we come to you."

I leaned over the bomb and pointed a judicial finger in his face. "Here is what you will do. You will mine no more coal. The miners will be restored to their loved ones. The two Berkks will be reunited. Buboe will be turned over to the shrinks. The cyclotron will cycle no more. The women of the tables will work no more. They will get a good wash and return to their homes and—their loved ones as well. This operation is closed down."

"I won't be—"

"Oh yes you will. The reconstruction of Paradise will stop and the building crews will be paid off. The mead will be swilled no more in Valhalla. You have no choice. You will also close ~down all your religious operations on every one of the planets and all of your personas will return here. When you are assembled in all your strength you will remain here. Forever."

"You cannot do that!" he screamed.

"It has just been done."

"How can I trust you?"

"You have no other choice."

"You will set off the bomb."

"Only if you force us to. You see that is our mutual guarantee. We can never be sure that one of you is still not out there, ready to start this whole monstrous process again. The bomb is our guarantee that you won't do that. And we can't detonate it if we think that one of you is still out there. It is a paradox, a problem with no solution. A beginning with no end—like your reverse entropy. So you Sit and think about it, talk to yourself about it. Remember that this is the last, first and only offer that you are going to get."

I rose wearily and stretched.

"Get me out of here, Professor Coypu. It has been a very very long day"

"There must be fifty slakeys at least," Angelina said, curling her lips in disgust. "All of them equally repulsive. Press the button, Professor, and set off the bomb. We will all sleep better at night." The three of us Sat staring into the permanent screen set up to monitor Slakey. Coypu looked very unhappy as he shook his head no.

"Too risky. All he needs is one of him out there on one of the thousands of planets in the millions of universes to get the whole process moving again." "We'll monitor, watch, be on our guard.. "I wish we could set off the bomb," I said with deep sorrow. "His death could never make up for the death and destruction he has caused—but it would sure help. But the professor is right. He may be mad but he's not stupid. If he did this all again he would not use the fake—religion ploy. He would do it in a more undetectable manner. Find another planet with a decent climate and resources of coal and set up another operation there. He would proceed slowly and carefully and untraceably—after all, he has all eternity to do it in. Ahh—there they go!"

A flicker of motion beside the unnildecnovum sphere showed where the Space Marines were springing into action. They had practiced the operation countless times in order to speed it up and perfect it. They got the time down to three seconds and that was all it took now. Two large marines slammed the heavy hydrogen bomb against the sphere, where it stuck. Captain Grissle hit the activating switch and then they all vanished as quickly as they had appeared. A viewscreen beside the professor lit up and Berkk's image appeared.

"In the green, Professor. Monitoring apparatus engaged and auto switch operating." "Thank you, very good." "Over and out."

His image twinkled and vanished and Coypu sighed with relief. "A good technician, Berkk. I'm glad he decided to accept a position with the Corps. Both of him. He helped me design the auto switch so that it is completely fail—safe."

"Am I missing something?" Angeina asked.

"Last night. I couldn't sleep and you were doing fine. I came here and found a very red—eyed Professor Coypu staring at the screen, worrying at the same worry that was worrying me. A what—if."

"Which what—if?"

"What if a Slakey is still out there somewhere. What if he builds a big enough interuniversal transporter to grab and transport that unhildecnovum sphere to another universe? The Slakeys would get away and start the whole deadly cycle over again. Between us we worked out a solution. We got a hydrogen bomb from stock, fixed it up with a molebind, a molecular binder that makes it part of the sphere."