Harry Harrison: The Stainless Steel Rat Joins the Circus

"Poor man," James said, then raised his glass to shield himself from the sizzling glances aimed his way.

When we finally contacted Bolivar and Sybill with a conference telepresence call he looked gloomier and gloomier at his unavoidable fate. He could only wriggle on the hook.

"I'm getting real close to a breakthrough on gravimetric tectonics and photon interaction."

"Sounds fascinating," Angelina said. "You must tell us all about it when we get together on Elysium."

"It won't take too long because you should pick up everything you need to know about banking in a few weeks," Sybill said, obviously feeling some pity for her husband. "And don't forget that banks are where the money is."

"True," he said, looking more cheerful. "I will need a good bit more financing to finish my research." And cheerfuller still. "It's been a long time since we were all together. Some fun in the sun!"

"And food that's not dehydrated," Sybill said, adding a grace note of enthusiasm. "We will have a ball."

And thus did my first day of honest employment end. When I awoke next morning I discovered that my Angelina had been up long before me, travel plans had been made, tickets booked, bags packed, computer fully charged, the cab at the door. I checked to see that Kaia's daily deposit had been made-and we were on our way.

We had a good time, I must admit a very good time. Sybil and Sybill were so happy to be reunited that we all basked in the warmth of their emotion. Bolivar actually began to enjoy his work in the bank; he was assistant manager by now and still climbing the ladder of success, looking forward to applying his new knowledge for our mutual benefit. And Elysium really was a pleasure planet and we enjoyed partaking thereof. It had a delightful climate at the equator, where the bank was located, and we, of course, settled in most easily. Countless small islands were set in a warm sea. I snorkeled and scuba dived happily among the varied life-forms, getting back the muscle tone that slipped away so easily these days.

But I still worked hard at my new employment every day. That is I checked to see if my daily wage had been deposited. And patted the computer, which bleeped and kept beavering away. The search and computations would have been long finished except that there was difficulty getting data from distant planets.

"Don't let it worry you," James said. "I have search programs working in all the site cities. Enjoy yourself-and I'll let you know as soon as the gongs ring."

I needed no encouragement. Although I enjoyed the scuba diving, even more gratifying was the rugged continent near Elysium's northern pole. Here were jagged mountains and endless snow. A skier's paradise. My muscle tone actually hummed with life now. Angelina and I enjoyed every moment of our extended holiday.

Yet still best of all was waking in the morning and checking my balance in the bank. Which was growing at the rate of four million a day. Bolivar had arranged for each day's deposit to be transferred, by a theoretically untraceable route, to a distant and highly secret bank. But all holidays must end. We hung up our skies and hopped on the first flight when Bolivar sent word that the search was finally coming up with the data that we needed. We joined together in the morning for a friendly family meal.

"Now this is the kind of work I like," I said, going out onto the balcony away from the other diners and lighting an after-breakfast cigar. Just as a bell rang in the computer, a red light blinked on-and a puff of smoke came out of a vent in the top.

James looked up from his plate when he heard the ping and put his silverware down. "Results at last. It sure took long enough."

"Three weeks," I said. "That is not too long."

"It is for this machine. At the minimum it has performed thirty-two to the one hundred eleventh teraflop operations since it started. Now let us see the result."

He sat and typed in a command. Scowled, typed faster. Eventually leaned back and sighed, touched a button. The printer clicked and extruded a sheet of paper.

"The answer," he said, waving it towards us.

"Which is?" Angelina asked.

"A little perturbing. Of all the events, movements, goings and comings, crimes and punishments, accidents and activities, births and deaths, everything that occurred on all of the planets on the dates of the bank robberies, out of all these possibilities there is only one thing that they have in common."

"Tell!" I commanded and all present at the table nodded in agreement.

"I'll tell. The circus was in town."

"James-you are not playing games with us." There was a cold tone in Angelina's voice.

"Never, my dear mother. This is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth."

"The same circus each time?" I asked.

"No. I thought that at first myself. There were a number of different circuses involved."

"But they had something in common?" I asked.

"The knife of your cold logic cuts deep, Dad. It appears that all of them employed, on the day of the robbery, the same circus act."

The room was so silent as we listened that you could have heard a syllable dropped.

"Present on the planet at each theft was a man, an individual by the name of Puissanto, billed as the Strongest Man in the Galaxy."

"Do you know where he is now?"

"No. He is resting. But I do know where he will be in about a month's time. He will be heading the bill when Bolshoi's Big Top comes to town."

"And where is town?"

"On a distant planet I have never heard of, out in the wrong part of the galaxy, with the unattractive name of Fetorr. The city has the equally unattractive name of Fetorrscoria."

"Our next stop," I said, climbing to my feet and leaving the cigar to die in the ashtray. "Start packing."

"Brilliant," Angelina said, the scorn in her voice signifying the direct opposite.

"Of course," I said, sitting back down. "What would we do when we got there? Well, I know what we have to do. We all have to settle down quietly while I put Plan A into effect."

"Which is?" Angelina asked, now as confused as the rest.

"I join the circus. We are certainly not going to learn anything by sitting in the audience. While I am doing that we put the rest of the operation on hold. James and Sybil, do I hear the sibilant hiss of your nanotechnology business calling to you?"

"You do, Dad. This planet has been a lot of fun-but even the best vacation must end. You will be going to work now and I feel that we should do the same. But-even while it is back to work-we will keep the communications link open and will be with you instantly if you need us."

"Grateful thanks. Bolivar-does the rough outback of the stars call you?"

"Not too loudly yet. Now that I am involved in banking I find it very interesting. I want to learn as much as I can, then make a little money to prove I know my business. And I want to know enough about the business so I can come to your aid with my know-how when you need it. Time enough after that for Sybill and me to get back to outer space."

"To work then!"

This time when I jumped to my feet I stayed there.

"And just what talents do you plan to present to this circus that will entice them to employ you? Acrobatics?" Angelina asked.

"Not quite-although I could if I tried."

"I am sure that you could. Despite…"

"Despite my advanced years?" I said in a cracked and ancient voice. Then leapt into the air and clicked my heels together five times before I landed. She applauded enthusiastically.

"I think I will do something less strenuous." I took a fivecredit coin from my pocket and let it roll from finger to finger across the back of my hand. "Magic. I have always been a keen amateur. And as a cardician—even more than that."