Mark Hodder - The curious case of the Clockwork Man

“A wind-up author!” exclaimed Trounce. “That really takes the biscuit!”

“It's a publisher's dream,” Burton declared.

“Flap-tongued baboon!” sang Pox.

The king's agent drew in smoke, put his head back, and blew out a perfectly formed ring.

“Good news regarding Sir Roger, too. The Arundell family has taken him in, and Brunel is fitting him with power-driven arms, the same as those worn by Daniel Gooch. That'll certainly compensate for his missing limb. Nothing doing with the face, though; I fear the poor soul will be behind that iron mask for the rest of his life.”

“Will he take up residence at Tichborne House?”

“Yes, and he's adamant that the dole will continue to be paid every year. He still believes in Lady Mabella's curse.”

“I don't blame him. His family has had nothing but trouble since Sir Henry broke his ancestor's vow.”

Burton jumped up and said: “What about that brandy, then?”

He crossed to the chest of drawers by the door and returned with a decanter and a couple of glasses. He poured generous measures and handed one to his friend.

“How's Honesty?” he asked as he returned to his armchair. “Has he recovered from his injuries?”

“More or less. He'll not have use of his hand for a while. He's taking a month's leave. I think the sight of all those animated corpses pushed him to the brink. I've never seen him so unnerved. I daresay time spent with his wife and garden will put him to rights. He's a tough little beggar.” The Scotland Yard man raised his eyebrows. “I'm still waiting,” he said. “It's all good news but none of it explains your-what is it?- ebullience. Is that a word?”

“It is,” Burton smiled. “And the correct one.”

“So let's have it. Tell all.”

The famous explorer took a gulp of brandy, put his glass aside, and said: “Acting on a recommendation from my extraordinarily talented and brilliant assistant-”

“And perverted,” Trounce added.

“And perverted-the government has purchased the seven Francois Garnier Choir Stones from Edwin Brundleweed. They will, I'm happy to report, continue to reside in Herbert Spencer's babbage brain. The government has also bought the seven South American fragments from Sir Roger. Palmerston wants to ensure that all the Eyes of Naga are in British hands. It's a matter of state security.”

“So now they are. What of it?”

“Two of them are, Trounce. Two of them.”

The detective inspector frowned and shook his head. “There are only two. The third has never been discovered. It's somewhere in-Oh.”

Burton's eyes glinted. “Africa!” he said.

“You mean-?”

“Yes, my friend. Tomorrow I shall start putting together an expedition. I'm off to search for the third stone, and, while I'm at it, I mean to locate once and for all the source of the River Nile!”

“You're going to put yourself through all that again?”

“Don't worry, old man. With the government funding the expedition and Brunel supplying vehicles for the initial stages of the safari, I think I can safely predict that this attempt will be a great deal less traumatic than the last!”

Pox let loose a terrific shriek: “Bollocks!”