Robert Heinlein - The Puppet Masters

I wanted to believe it, so I did my damnedest not to believe it. If it were a lie, it would be just the shape of lie he would tell. As to whether he would bother to lie-well, getting two prime agents back into the groove might be something he would class, just now, as involving the country's safety. The Old Man had a complex mind.

"Look at me!" he added. I snapped out of my brown study and looked up. "There is something else I want you to know and I want to rub your nose in it. First off, let me say that everybody-including me-appreciates what you did, regardless of your motives. I'm putting in a letter about it and no doubt there will be a medal in due time. That stands, whether you stay with the Section or not. And if you go, I'll help you with any transfer or such you may want."

He paused for breath, then went on. "But don't go giving yourself airs as a little tin hero-"

"I won't!"

"-because that medal is going to the wrong person. Mary ought to get it.

"Now hush up; I'm not through. You had to be forced into it, like building a fire under a mule. No criticism; you had been through plenty. But Mary was a real, honest-to-God, Simon-pure volunteer. When she sat down in that chair, she didn't know what was going to happen to her. She didn't expect any last minute reprieve and she had every reason to believe that, if she got up alive, her reason would be gone, which is worse. But she did it-because she is a hero, which you miss by a couple of points."

He went on without waiting for me to reply; "Listen, son-most women are damn fools and children. But they've got more range than we've got. The brave ones are braver, the good ones are better and the vile ones are viler, for that matter. What I'm trying to tell you is: this one is more of a man than you are and you've done her a serious wrong."

I was so churned up inside that I could not judge for the life of me whether he was telling the truth, or manipulating me again. I said, "Maybe so. Maybe I lashed out at the wrong person. But if what you say is true-"

"It is."

"-it doesn't make what you did any sweeter; it makes it worse."

He took it without flinching. "Son, I'm sorry if I've lost your respect. But I'd do it again under the same circumstances. I can't be choosy about such things any more than can a commander in battle. Less, because I fight with different weapons. I've always been able to shoot my own dog. Maybe that's good; maybe that's bad-but that is what my job takes. If you are ever in my shoes, you'll have to do it, too."

"I'm not likely to be."

"Why don't you take leave, rest up, and think about it?"

"I'll take leave-terminal leave."

"Very well." He started to leave; I said,

"Wait-"

"Yes?"

"You made me one promise and I'm holding you to it. About that parasite-you said I could kill it, personally. Are you through with it?"

"Yes, I'm through with it, but-"

I started to get out of bed. "No 'buts'. Give me your gun; I'm going to kill it now."

"But you can't. It's already dead."

"What! You promised me."

"I know I did. But it died while we were trying to force you-to force it-to talk."

I sat down and started to shake with laughter. I got started and could not stop. I was not enjoying it; I could not help it.

The Old Man grasped my shoulders and shook me. "Snap out of it! You'll get yourself sick. I'm sorry about it, but there's nothing to laugh at. It could not be helped."

"Ah, but there is," I answered, still sobbing and chuckling. "It's the funniest thing that ever happened to me. All that-and all for nothing. You dirtied yourself and you loused up me and Mary-and all for no use."

"Huh? Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Eh? I know-I know everything that went on. And you didn't even get small change out of it-out of us, I should say. You didn't learn anything you didn't know before."

"The hell we didn't!"

"And the hell you did."

"It was a bigger success than you'd ever guess, son. True, we didn't squeeze anything out of it directly, before it died-but we got something out of you."

"Me?"

"Last night. We put you through it last night. You were doped, psyched, brain-waved, analyzed, wrung out, and hung out to dry. The parasite spilled things to you and they were still there for the hypno-analysts to pick up after you were free of it."

"What?"

"Where they live. We know where they come from and can fight back-Titan, sixth satellite of Saturn."

When he said it, I felt a sudden gagging constriction of my throat-and I knew that he was right.

"You certainly fought before we could get it out of you," he went on reminiscently. "We had to hold you down to keep you from hurting yourself-more."

Instead of leaving he threw his game leg over the edge of the bed and struck a cigarette. He seemed anxious to be friendly. As for me, I did not want to fight with him further; my head was spinning and I had things to get straight. Titan-that was a long way out. Mars was the farthest men had ever been, unless the Seagraves Expedition, the one that never came back, got out to the Jovian moons.

Still, we could get there, if there were a reason for it. We would burn out their nest!

Finally he got up to go. He had limped almost to the door when I stopped him again. "Dad-"

I had not called him that in years. He turned and his face held a surprised and defenseless expression. "Yes, son?"

"Why did you and mother name me 'Elihu'?"

"Eh? Why, it seemed the thing to do at the time. It was your maternal grandfather's name."

"Oh. Not enough reason. I'd say."

"Perhaps not." He turned again and again I stopped him.

"Dad-what sort of a person was my mother?"

"Your mother? I don't exactly know how to tell you. Well-she was a great deal like Mary. Yes, sir, a great deal like her." He turned and stumped out without giving me any further chance to talk.

I turned my face to the wall. After a while I steadied down.

This is a personal account of my angle of view on events known to everybody. I'm not writing history. For one thing, I don't have the broad viewpoint.

Maybe I should have been sweating about the fate of the world when I was actually stewing about my own affairs. Maybe. But I never heard of a man with a blighty wound caring too much about how the battle turned out.

Anyhow, there did not seem much to worry about. I knew that the President had been saved under circumstances which would open up anybody's eyes, even a politician's, and that was, as I saw it, the last real hurdle. The slugs-the titans, that is-were dependent on secrecy; once out in the open they could not possibly hold out against the massed strength of the United States. They had no powers except those they borrowed from their slaves, as I knew better than anybody.

Now we could clean up their beachhead here; then we could go after them where they lived. But planning interplanetary expeditions was hardly my job. I knew as much about that subject as I knew about Egyptian art.

When the doctor released me I went looking for Mary. I still had nothing but the Old Man's word for it, but I had more than a suspicion that I had made a big hairy thing of myself. I did not expect her to be glad to see me, but I had to speak my piece.

You would think that a tall, handsome redhead would be as easy to find as fiat ground in Kansas. She would have been had she been a member of the in staff, but she was a field agent. Field agents come and go and the resident personnel are encouraged to mind their own business. Doris had not seen her again-so she said-and was annoyed that I should want to find her.

The personnel office gave me the bland brush off. I was not inquiring officially, I did not know the agent's name, and just who did I think I was, anyway? They referred me to Operations, meaning the Old Man. That did not suit me.