John Schettler - Fallen Angels - 9 Days Falling, Volume II

The news segment wound up, but the cordial host threw out a teaser to keep everyone waiting for more. "Another threat from Al Qaeda, " she said glibly, "We’ll tell you which city needs to be on the alert when we come back."

The hook was in, with just a little barb of fear at the end. So now they would just have to wait. Robert thought how easy it would have been for her to simply reveal the city’s name, but then the lure of the tease would be lost. Now the whole nation would have to wait breathlessly through the next commercial segment to find out if they were the threatened city. And the commercial would most likely be a slick presentation by a drug company. They loved to litter the news segments and pushed the drugs hard and heavy each evening news hour. What would NBC do without Pfizer to bankroll them with all that commercial money?

From the sound of things the news was going from bad to worse but, whatever it was, the danger could not be all that great, because the commercials started rolling, with one fifteen second spot crowding after another—like people squeezing into a bus at a quick stop. The TV volume increased by 30% and the announcer stared out at the unseen audience with more dire warnings. “You could be missing out! It’s a fact: Mortgage rates are at an all time low, but they could go up at any moment.” It was time, therefore, to refinance the $750,000 home he lived in, thought Robert. With all the distress in the market he was probably well underwater by now. The announcer confirmed that fact with a clear directive: “Do it now!”

He resisted the urge to go to the phone and begin dialing, even though he knew that operators were standing by, waiting for his call. They would just have to wait a little longer, he thought. Then the next commercial elbowed its way onto the screen, and this offer made the last one pale. He learned that he could enter the new Capital One giveaway contest just by using his credit card for regular every day expenses and purchases. He could instantly win his own island—yes, a complete island that he could wander at his leisure any time he choose, a place to create his own paradise away from the hustle of city life, a lush tropical getaway. He passed a moment’s reflection on the disastrous investments made in Dubai, but nonetheless made a mental note to make sure to charge as much as he could on that card this weekend. This was even better than the monthly promise of endless riches at the Lotto! Yes, the 29.9% interest rate might pinch a bit, But he’d sell a few shares of the AIG stock he bottom fished for the other day when it took off again, and make all well.

An ad for Glad Plug-Ins soon followed, with a great new feature! The new sleek design would not block your electrical outlets. Now he could have a summer fresh home all day and never have to worry about getting something plugged in again! Gerber was next, with fat, happy babies getting their doughy cheeks stuffed fatter yet with the processed puree of plenitude in a convenient new package that you could take with you anywhere you went.

Herbal Essence quickly demonstrated how easy it would be to apply sun-golden streaks to any hair style. Oil of Olay wanted everyone to know how complicated and confusing skin care was, and that loss of firmness was as bad as wrinkles for spoiling that smooth, youthful complexion we all strive for. Thankfully, they now had an automated computer program standing ready to make expert recommendations on which Olay products he needed to buy. Then a white garbed chef was taking the perfect boccacia bread from the oven—just what you needed for a scrumptious chicken sandwich. As if taking a cue, the next ad showed mounds of steaming crab legs on special for the Lobster House Cajun Week . A happy black couple was beaming as they stuffed the succulent crab meat into their smiling mouths, wiping a dribble of thick, rich butter away with a wink and a nod. Half the world was starving, but not in the good old USA.

The images of endless food on colorfully prepared serving platters made him very hungry, but Robert didn’t need to worry. Whenever he wanted to come up with a quick snack, or cook an easy satisfying breakfast, all he had to do was turn on his Express Cooker , a Teflon coated appliance that streamlined his meal preparation by providing even heating from both above and below. Instead of frying or baking, he could fully enclose his fresh cracked eggs in the Express Cooker , with two convenient cooking bays that whipped up breakfast for two in no time at all.

He wandered in to the kitchen, and did exactly that. His Easy Chopper quickly consumed a few slices of onion and green pepper, and he threw the whole lot into the Express Cooker for a perfect omelet in just three minutes. Other people might be out rushing to breakfast, waiting in line, struggling with confusing menus, and paying exorbitant prices, but not Robert. He had 101 convenient recipes in a little booklet that came with his cooker, and he had picked the whole thing up at the “As Seen on TV store” at the mall. A few moments later he had his delicious breakfast in hand and was off to the den to check his e-mail before heading to work in his SUV Explorer.

The iPad was waiting patiently in the nook by the kitchen. He settled into the chair and tapped the icon to activate his blazing fast cable modem Internet account. A moment later his only concern was the rush of unwanted SPAM messages littering his inbox.

As if timed by fate itself, the TV ad in the next room was showing a spot where another young man was settling in to read his e-mail, just as Robert was. An errant fly alighted impudently on the screen. Just as it was flicked away, three more arrived, then a dozen more, until the screen was darkened by flies as if it were a reenactment of some black evil from the exorcist.

“Bugged by junk e-mail and pop-up ads?” The TV announcer asked. Robert swiveled to pay attention, in full agreement. Thankfully, the solution was close at hand. “Why not try our fast new Internet service, with free pop-up blocker, SPAM filter and virus checker, so you never have to wait to read your e-mail again.”

Those damn flies were now all over the house in the TV ad, chased frantically by the lovely couple on the screen, their arms flailing about with frustration and annoyance. Robert pivoted back to his own screen, inwardly flicking at the litany of junk messages there… Advertisements claiming he could increase the size of his penis and keep it constantly erect with Viagra . He could unleash the power of his digital cable, fulfill all his pharmacy needs, visit with college co-eds as they stripped for the cameras, and so much more. Flies, he thought, damn little annoying flies buzzing about his screen.

But on second thought, he decided to click on the link to those teenage strippers. His wife would never have to know.

It was what he didn’t know that would soon bring an end to the sumptuous pixel driven life of luxury he had been enjoying. The markets didn’t like the news cycle, and that was just the beginning. The Chinese were dumping more than missiles on Taiwan. It was going to get much, much worse.

Therewas much more than war and oil on the news that morning. Other dark matter was being discussed that was going to cut close to the bone for Robert. The Treasury Secretary was huddling with bankers again, only days after another massive fund infusion supporting the banking industry. This time it was Wall Street investment house Goldman Sachs on the rocks, the maestros of the market who had heretofore navigated the roiling waters of the financial tempest with uncanny skill. They had made a killing in 2008-2009, selling investors bogusly rated AAA securities at one desk while aggressively hedging this with a raft of shorts on those same securities at another desk. When other houses like Lehman failed and AIG was on the ropes, they were able to extract 100 cents on the dollar for their swap deals. Then they deftly morphed into a “bank” in a few days time and went merrily on with yet more government bailout money that almost directly equaled their enormous bonus payouts that year.