Eric Flint - Grantville Gazette.Volume XIX

"You mean it's all a fraud?" Richard asked.

"You bet it is."

"How can you be so sure, Carl?"

"Follow me home and I'll show you."

Carl searched around in his chest of drawers before finally finding the small cardboard box he was looking for. He pulled out a folded sheet of paper. "I told you Gribbleflotz was a fraud, and here's the proof. It says right there under "Clinical Pharmacology" that the important chemical is nitric oxide. Nitrous oxide is a completely different thing."

"Who is Pfizer Labs?"

"They're the up-time company that made Viagra."

"Oh! Um… ah… Carl, why do you have this pamphlet?"

Carl blushed. Something he couldn't remember doing since he was a pimple faced teenager. "Well, ah… I ordered some when I heard about it. Not that I needed it, but there was a lot of talk about the effects back then."

"Of course you didn't need it, Carl."

Carl glared. That agreement lacked a little in the way of belief.

"Maybe the doctor means nitric oxide?"

"Why are you trying to give Gribbleflotz a break, Richard? It's a fraud, pure and simple. There's no way it can work."

"But people are buying it."

"Of course people buy it. It gives hope, and depending on what their problem is, maybe a change of diet and a bit of exercise will do them some good."

"So it's not a complete fraud?"

Carl sighed. "Okay, it's probably not a complete fraud. Are you happy now?"

"Not yet. If it's not a fraud then I'm not going to be happy until I have my share of Dr. Gribbleflotz' latest Big Thing. I missed out on the Kirlian Imager craze, I don't intend missing out on the revitalizing tonic craze."

Dr. Shipley's office, Grantville

Dr. Susannah Shipley removed the blood pressure cuff from around Lacy Brumfield's arm and made a notation in her notes. "And how are things with Rick, Lacy?"

"Things couldn't be better since I started him on Dr. Gribbleflotz' Revitalizing Tonic, Dr. Shipley. These days he's always raring to go."

Susannah contemplated telling Lacy that there was no scientific reason Dr. Gribbleflotz' Revitalizing Tonic should have any effect, but no, something had put that contented look on Lacy's face. Sometimes a patient's belief was more important than being properly informed. However, she might as well make sure Lacy and Rick got the maximum benefit from those beliefs. "I hope you're both following the diet and exercise program Dr. Gribbleflotz recommends. The revitalizing tonic won't work nearly as well if the program isn't followed."

"I'll be sure to tell Rick that, Dr. Shipley."

Dr. Shipley followed Lacy out of her consulting room and headed over to Dr. Jeff Adams' room. "You got a moment, Jeff?"

"Sure, Suz. What's up?"

"Rick Brumfield, apparently. Lacy says they've been having success using the new Gribbleflotz Revitalizing Tonic."

Jeff nodded. "I've had a few patients saying the same thing."

"So you don't think we should go public saying it has no foundation in scientific fact?"

"Hell, no. It's not like the tonic is dangerous, and it does seem to be doing some good. I say we don't rock the boat."

"Well, we agree on that. What I can't figure out is where on earth Dr. Gribbleflotz got the idea he should be using nitrous oxide."

"You didn't get many guys asking about Viagra before the Ring of Fire, did you?"

"No. For some reason guys didn't come asking me to prescribe it. Why?"

Jeff pulled a folder out of a filing cabinet and handed it over. "You've probably only read the trade literature then. Take a look at some of the newspaper and magazine clippings in that folder."

Susannah picked up the first article, skimmed through it. She paused at one point and looked up at Jeff -he was smiling – then she returned to skimming through the articles. "What? The first one talked of nitric and nitrous oxide as if the terms are interchangeable, but this one only mentions nitrous oxide."

Jeff grinned. "Yep. There's a lot of poor information in the newspapers and magazines. Anybody looking at those clippings would have concluded that they meant nitrous oxide. Mind, there is one silver lining."

"And what's that?"

"We're not going to have a shortage of medical grade laughing gas, that's for sure."

Cora's Cafe, Grantville

Minnie Frost passed the bank statement around the rest of the group. "We're going to have to do another fund raiser."

"Not another one," Evelyn Paxton complained.

"Yes, Evelyn, another one. And this time it might be nice if you actually turned up at the sausage sizzle."

"I was sick in bed, Minnie, as well you know."

Minnie snorted her disbelief.

"We really need something a bit better than a sausage sizzle, though, Minnie. I mean, we only raised two hundred dollars last time," Prissy Fortney said.

"Well, I'm open to suggestions."

A deep silence followed Minnie's statement. Then Prissy pointed through the window. "Evelyn, isn't that your Lacy's Rick over there?"

"Yes, that's Rick. I wonder where he's been."

"Judging by the fact he's holding a Nobili's Pharmacy bag, I can make a fair guess," Minnie said. "And if I was a betting woman, I'd be willing to bet five dollars I know what he's got in that bag."

"How can you know from here?" Prissy asked.

"Nobili's only uses their paper bags when the customers ask them to. And there's only one thing they sell that a guy is going to buy that needs a bag that big."

"Gribbleflotz Revitalizing Tonic," the three of them chorused.

"My Lacy swears by it you know. Rick's a changed man since she started him on the Gribbleflotz treatment."

"Now that's what we need for a fund raiser. Something like Gribbleflotz's tonic," Minnie said.

"Trouble is, Nobili's have the local market sewn up," Evelyn said.

"Yes, so it's another sausage sizzle, same time, same place, next Saturday."

"Yes, Minnie," Prissy and Evelyn mumbled.

Evelyn was a little fed up with Minnie and the incessant need to run fund raisers to keep the Red Cross Sanitation Squad with enough money to continue their good works. What they needed was a real moneymaker. Something, anything, that could take the place of endless hours sizzling sausages.

She found her husband lying back on the sofa listening to a record with his eyes closed, a dreamy look on his face. He looked so happy and relaxed… which didn't sit well with her current mood. So she turned off the stereo.

"What the hell?" Charlie muttered. "Why did you do that?"

"Minnie says we have to hold another fund raiser for the Red Cross Sanitation Squad next Saturday."

Charlie walked over to the stereo, removed the record from the turntable and examined it carefully. "Well there's no need to do that. You could have damaged my record."

Evelyn snorted. There was every reason to "do that." She wanted a fight to relieve her frustrations, but Charlie wasn't cooperating. Instead he was dusting the record and putting it back into its protective sleeve.

"Hold it!" Evelyn cried.

Charlie stopped, the record part way back into its slot. "What's wrong now?"

"That record. Let me see it."

Charlie shrugged and passed it over. "What's the problem? You've seen the cover often enough before. You've even laughed about it."

"Shush, I'm thinking." Evelyn stared at the cover. "Yes, I've seen it before, but not right after talking to the girls about Gribbleflotz Revitalizing Tonic."

"What're you thinking about now, Evelyn?"

Evelyn handed the record back to a bemused Charlie and went hunting in the pantry. "Charlie, do we have any gas cartridges for this? Doesn't it use nitrous oxide? Seems like I remember that." She held up a whipped cream maker.

"For what? Oh, the creamer. Yeah, I think so. Why?"