Eric Flint - Grantville Gazette.Volume XIX

Thomas Bruckner dawdled as he made his way to the meeting with the two men from Grantville. Initially it had seemed like a good idea to take money from them to spy on Dr. Gribbleflotz while also drawing a wage working for the good doctor. Now he wasn't so sure. He was the one taking all the risks while they took none.

He walked up the stairs and used the special knock that meant it was him at the door.

"You took your time. Have you any idea how long we've been waiting?" Richard demanded.

"I am most sorry. I got here as fast as I could, but I had to wait for Dr. Gribbleflotz to leave before I could check his journal entry for the day."

"You have access to his journals?"

"It is very risky. I have to sneak into his personal library to access them, but yes, I have been able to read some of his journals."

"So how is the old fraud planning on pulling this off?" Carl asked.

"The Doctor is not trying to make the up-time drug. The chemistry is too complex. However, he believes that he can achieve the same result by increasing the availability of nitrous oxide to the body. His latest experiments are based around wearing a specially made pair of rubber 'pants' into which nitrous oxide is injected."

Carl started laughing. Thomas stared at the up-timer. "What is so funny? Last night the doctor was scheduled to test his new rubber pants."

"And did they work?" Carl asked.

"Dr. Gribbleflotz has not yet written up the results of the experiment, but Frau Kastenmayerin was walking around all day with a very broad smile on her face."

"She's probably just remembering what her husband looked like all tricked out in his rubber pants. Either that or she caught a good snort of laughing gas."

"Laughing gas?" Richard asked.

"It's another name for nitrous oxide. I think the old fraud has out done himself this time. There is no way nitrous oxide can help sexual performance. Heck, the dentists use it as an anesthetic."

"So you think Dr. Gribbleflotz is not going to sell nitrous oxide as a sex aid?" Richard asked.

Carl shook his head. "No. There is absolutely no way he can sell nitrous oxide as a sex aid."

"That's a pity," Richard muttered. "I guess its back to Grantville and the explosives factory."

Jena

Phillip was still trying very hard to convince himself that Dina's broad smile and giggles were a consequence of her inhaling a quantity of nitrous oxide. It was a losing proposition, though. The effects of the gas surely couldn't last this long. He was going to have to admit that she was still laughing at the image of him standing in their bedroom with a… well, thinking about it wasn't going to help him forget the experience. Fortunately there was only one witness and he could trust her not to spread the story.

The sound of the dinner gong dragged Phillip out of his retrospection. He hastily finished the entry he was making in his journal and put it away. When Frau Mittelhausen sounded the dinner gong that meant dinner would be served in five minutes, and she got upset when people were late. He'd have a terrible time finding another housekeeper of her quality, so he tried not to upset her.

After diner Phillip followed Hans back to the secure laboratories, not that he needed to check up on Hans, but rather to get away from that smile on Dina's face. He left with the image of Dina talking to a couple of female laborants while gesturing in his direction burning in his brain. He was pretty sure she wouldn't talk about last night. Surely she wouldn't. Would she?

"How is the research on the spirits of hartshorn process going, Hans?" he asked.

"Pretty well, Doctor. If you like we can check the graph in my office."

"Thank you. I would like to see your progress."

"Of course, Doctor. And how's your nitrous oxide research progressing?"

That question had sounded much too innocent. Had Dina been talking about last night? "Not very well," Phillip admitted.

"That's too bad. Did you have troubles with the rubber pants last night?"

Now Phillip was sure Dina had been talking. "They didn't work. The nitrous oxide was too cold, and the pants over-inflated and burst. Are you happy now?"

Hans nearly jumped back into the wall. "I'm sorry, Doctor. You were so hopeful, too. Will you try again?"

"No. There must be an easier way." To himself Phillip added, and less embarrassing. "I am going to the library."

Thomas Bruckner shot to his feet, nearly spilling the glass at his side when Phillip burst into the library.

Phillip stared at the laborant for a moment as he processed faces and names. "Thomas. Thomas Bruckner, the new laborant working with Hans?"

"Yes, Dr. Gribbleflotz. Do you want me to leave, Doctor?"

"What? Leave. No, stay where you are. What's that you're reading?"

"One of your old journals, Doctor. From when you first made the Sal Aer Fixus."

"Why are you wasting your time with that old stuff? The newer journals make better use of the new chemistry."

"I've just finished reading about your investigations into pyramid power."

"Ah! Not one of my better moments."

"But the research led to the Gribbleflotz Kirlian Imager, Doctor."

"I suppose some good came of it." Phillip sighed. He'd been so hopeful about pyramid power, too. "What's that you're drinking?"

Thomas held up his glass. "This? It's one of the new soda drinks, Sparkling Lemon. Would you like to try it?

"If you have it to spare."

Thomas pulled a bottle from the floor, used something to open it and poured some into a glass. "Here you go, Doctor."

"Thank you." Phillip lifted the glass, then hesitated. "Why is it bubbling?"

"They call it soda pop, Doctor. I believe they force a gas into the liquid under pressure, and when the bottle is opened the gas is able to escape, causing the bubbles."

Phillip studied his drink. What was the gas? Could nitrous oxide be forced into solution? A vague memory from that diving article flashed though his mind. Something about nitrogen entering the blood and bubbling out if the diver returned to the surface too quickly. "Could I have a look at the bottle, please?"

Phillip searched the label for the name of the manufacturer. Maybe whoever they were could put nitrous oxide into a drink, then anybody could increase the amount of nitrous oxide in their body by simply drinking it. It was, even if he said so himself, a quite brilliant idea. But first he needed to a name, and there it was, "The Saalfeld Bottling Company." With the bottle still in hand he left the library calling out for Hans.

Thomas was left behind, wondering what had the Doctor so excited.

Several weeks later, Grantville

Carl wasn't sure he believed what he was seeing. "'Gribbleflotz Revitalizing Tonic, for restoration of the Vital Humors.' Does that mean what I think it means, Richard?"

"What?"

"Vital humors. Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Is it a sex aid? Yes, that's what it means. Do you want to go in and ask for some?"

"No. But I wonder what it is."

Richard shrugged. "Wait here then. I'll go in and ask."

A few minutes later Richard returned with a pamphlet.

"Well?" Carl asked.

"Gribbleflotz Revitalizing Tonic is part of a complete program of diet and exercise aimed at restoring the Vital Humors," Richard read from the pamphlet. "Our special tonic contains nitrous oxide, a chemical identified by up-timer science as being important for successful sexual congress. Used in conjunction with a proper diet and exercise program Gribbleflotz Revitalizing Tonic will restore waning vital humors." Richard looked up. "It appears that the good doctor has found a way to sell nitrous oxide as a sex aid."

"What? Give me that. Nitrous oxide shouldn't have any effect on sexual performance." Carl grabbed the pamphlet out of Richard's hands and started reading. "Oh, the sneaky bastard. Whoever wrote this must have written copy for infomercials. The loopholes are big enough to sail an aircraft carrier through."