Роберт Асприн - Forever After

“Well, they are happening nonetheless,” Stiller said. “The learned men of the capital have reached the conclusion that the combined power of the artifacts we gathered has somehow created a rift in the fabric between our reality and others. What’s more, they predict that it will grow worse. The only solution they can suggest is that the artifacts be scattered once more. This is the task Prince Rango has assigned to my comrades and I while he makes his preparations for ascending the throne… the task that has brought me to you today.”

He drew himself up and bowed slightly.

“Hmmm. Very interesting,” the dragon said thoughtfully. “And what’s the rest of it?”

“The rest of it?” The warrior frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“There must be more,” Schmirnov insisted. “There are still questions unanswered by your tale. For example, why is the Prince scattering all of the artifacts? If a problem is created when they are all gathered together, then why doesn’t he simply order that one be removed for hiding? At the very least, I think he would scatter all but one, keeping the most powerful close at hand to ensure his continued rule.”

His visitors looked at each other and shrugged.

“I really don’t know,” Stiller said. “The Prince gave me my orders, and I’m following them.”

“Commendable loyalty,” the dragon said. “But that raises another point. Couldn’t he have delegated this task to others? Why is it necessary to send forth those who are closest to him and know him best at a time when it would be most reasonable to have them at his side? After helping him to win a throne, it seems a strange reward to send you forth into danger once more rather than granting you rest and honors.”

“I wondered about that myself,” the dwarf growled.

“Shut up, Ibble,” Stiller shot back. “As to your question, Lord Dragon, I can only assume that the Prince deemed our mission to be of such importance that it could only be trusted to his most proven friends and followers. I take my honor from being included hi that number.”

“Hmm. If you say so,” Schmirnov said doubtfully. “Oh, well, if that’s all you know, then there’s little point in pressing you for more details. It doesn’t really concern me, anyway. All that really matters is whether or not I will accept this artifact into my keeping.”

“And what is your answer to that question, Lord Dragon?” Stiller pressed.

“I suppose it all depends,” the dragon said. “What’s in it for me?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Come, now, Stiller. We’re all supposed to be intelligent creatures here. You want something from me, which is to say a favor. What are you offering me in return?”

“Well…” the warrior said, looking at Ibble for support and receiving only another shrug in return, “I hadn’t really been thinking in terms of payment. I suppose if we can agree on a figure, I can get clearance from the Prince to guarantee it.”

“Of course, that would take time.” Schmirnov sighed.

“Not really,” Stiller said. “We have with us a wizard who specializes in communication spells. Since he’s been contacting the Prince’s wizard on a regular basis to report our progress, I imagine we would have no difficulty obtaining approval on a payment.”

“In all honesty, I hadn’t been thinking in terms of payment,” the dragon said. “Though I’ll admit this new speedy method of communications intrigues me.”

“But you said…”

“I inquired what you might be willing to offer me in return. I have sufficient treasure on hand already. It’s actually rather easy to accumulate, since I have no place to spend it.”

Schmirnov gestured negligently toward the back of his cavern with his tail.

“Well, if you aren’t interested in gold or jewels, what would you like in‘ exchange for the favor?” Stiller said, tearing his eyes away from the cavern’s depths with some difficulty.

“I really hadn’t given it much thought, beyond the basic instinct of not giving something for nothing. Remember, this is new to me, though you may have been thinking it for some time. Let me see…”

The great reptile stared thoughtfully at the cavern’s ceiling for several moments.

“What I could really use,” he said, almost to himself, “is something to relieve boredom.”

“What was that again?”

“Hmmm? Oh. Excuse me. I was thinking out loud. You see, the biggest problem with my current existence is that it’s incredibly boring. Don’t tell the villagers, but there are times when I’ve actually contemplated breaking my truce with them, just to have something to do.”

“You know, that’s something we might give some thought to, Stiller,” Ibble said. “Once this mission is over and the kingdom is at peace, things could get uncommonly dull for us as well. For years, all we’ve done is travel and fight.”

“There’s an interesting question, warrior,” the dragon said. “What do humans do to wile away inactive time?”

“Different people do different things.” Stiller shrugged. “Some garden, which I never cared for. Others take up hobbies.”

“And what do you do?”

“Me? Well, whenever I get the opportunity, I like to play cards.. poker, specifically.”

“Poker?” Schmirnov said. “And what, pray tell, is poker?”

“ Stiller !” The dwarfs voice had a new note of warning in it.

“Relax, Ibble,” the warrior said, waving a hand at his comrade. “I’m just answering the Lord Dragon’s questions. Poker is a card game… one of many, actually. You might say it’s a time-consuming way to redistribute wealth through the study of mathematical probability.”

“It’s what?” The dragon frowned.

“It’s gambling,” Ibble said in a flat voice. ‘Two or more players are each dealt several cards, and they bet on who is holding the highest-ranked combination.“

‘That’s oversimplifying it a bit.“ Stiller scowled.

“And your explanation was unnecessarily obtuse.” The dwarf grimaced back.

‘That sounds fascinating,“ Schmirnov said. ”Could you teach me?“

“I would be honored to teach you the basics, Lord Dragon,” the warrior said. “It takes years of practice to master the game, however. Then, too, we would have to include wagering as part of the lesson. Much of the subtlety of the game is involved in the betting and bluffing.”

“ Stiller !!”

“Will you relax, Ibble?” Stiller hissed. “Remember, this isn’t my idea. It’s a request of the Lord Dragon. If he wishes to make this a condition for his assistance, who am I to deny it? I did promise the Prince that I would let no danger sway me from completing the mission.”

“Danger?” the dragon said. “Excuse me, but what danger could be involved in such a lesson?”

“Forgive me, Lord Dragon,” the dwarf said, “but the danger I fear would be to Stiller here, and not you. You see, when we refer to betting… wagering gold or jewels on the turn of a card… such exchanges are permanent. That is to say, the wealth is not returned to the loser after the game is over. Often, players become upset after having lost large portions of their wealth, and attack the winners out of frustration. As Stiller is extremely skillful at this particular game, he has come under attack more often than I would care to remember from ill-tempered opponents. Consequently, when I see him about to become embroiled in a game with someone as obviously formidable as yourself, especially one who, like yourself, professes little if any knowledge of the game, I find myself growing more than a little anxious.”

“You needn’t fear, little man,” Schmirnov said. “I have sufficient treasure that I will not become angry over giving up a portion of it in exchange for knowledge.”