Роберт Асприн - Forever After

“A favor?”

This was getting interesting indeed. Searching his memory, Schmirnov could not recall the last time, if ever, that a human had requested a favor of him. Whether he granted it or not, simply the asking could be amusing. Still, one could not be too careful. The treachery and deceit of humans was their trademark.

“How do I know this isn’t a trick?” he said, letting a suspicion creep into his tone.

It had the desired effect, and the dwarf began to glance nervously at the cavern entrance. If Schmirnov became angry, there was no way Ibble could reach safety before suffering the consequences… and they both knew it.

“I… we’ve brought you presents as a sign of our good intentions.”

“Presents?”

Though much of what is said or known about dragons is exaggeration or flat-out falsehood, the reports of their avarice are accurate.

Schmirnov raised his head to the greatest extent his neck and the cavern’s ceiling would allow and peered about for his promised gifts like an eager child… a very large eager child.

There was nothing readily apparent in sight.

“Baaaa.”

The dragon stared at the sheep for a moment, then swiveled his head around to gaze down on the dwarf.

“When you mention ‘presents,’ you didn’t, by any chance, mean these miserable creatures, did you?”

“Well… yes, actually,” Ibble said, edging a bit closer to his boulder. “I… we thought you might be hungry.”

Schmirnov lowered his head until it was nearly resting on the ground, confronting his visitor nearly face to face.

“And in return for this, you expect me to grant you a favor?” he said. “You. Personally?”

“We’re emissaries from Prince Rango,” the dwarf explained hastily. ‘The favor we seek is in his name… for the good of the kingdom.“

“A Prince, is it?” the dragon said. “But, of course, he isn’t with your party himself. Right?”

“Well… no.”

“In fact,” Schmirnov continued, “I’d be willing to wager that you aren’t even the leader of the group. Is that correct?”

Ibble drew himself up to his full, diminutive height and puffed out his chest proudly.

“I am the closest friend and confidant of the leader,” he declared. “What’s more, I’ve been his right-hand man and companion at arms for many harrowing campaigns and quests, and…”

The dragon cut him short by throwing back his head and giving off a short bark, which was the closest Schmirnov had come to laughing in decades.

“Let me see if I have this straight,” the reptile said. “Your leader wasn’t sure of the reception I’d give him if he just walked into my home… if I’d listen or simply fry him where he stood on general principles… so he sent you in ahead to test the water. You, in turn, decided to try to maximize your chances of survival by herding a bunch of sheep in to see if I was hungry before trying to approach me yourself. Am I right so far?”

“Well… in a manner of speaking,” Ibble admitted.

“Just for the record, where did you get those sheep?”

“The sheep? Umm…”

“From that meadow in the valley below. Right?” Schmirnov supplied.

“As a matter of fact…”

“Quite a lot of them, aren’t there?”

“Well…”

“Ever stop to wonder where they came from, or why they were there untended?”

“That did puzzle me a bit,” the dwarf said. “Still, there were so many we didn’t think the ones we took would be missed.”

“Really?” The dragon smiled. “Well, try this one on for size. What would you say if I told you that the villagers maintain that flock specifically to keep me fed… at least, fed well enough that I leave their village alone.”

“That… would make sense.”

“More sense than trying to curry my favor with sheep from what could be called my own flock. Wouldn’t you say?”

“I see your point.” Ibble flushed. “Still, our intent was good.”

“Ah, yes. Your intent.” Schmirnov was genuinely enjoying himself now. “As I recall, we’ve established that your intent was to test my appetite… and possibly glut it if I were hungry… before venturing forth yourself. Tell me, do you have any idea how tired I can get of eating nothing but sheep?”

“I… can see where that could be a problem.”

The dwarf was looking uncomfortable again.

“What I’m saying is that I have to be really hungry before I can bear to even think of indulging in another of those bleating creatures. On the other hand, I’m always up for something new to nibble on… especially a small something. Am I making myself clear?”

Ibble wavered for a moment, then squared his shoulders bravely.

“If we have offended you with our ignorance, Lord Dragon, you have our deepest regrets. If more than an apology is necessary… well, as you have noted, I am expendable.”

Now, dragons in general, and Schmirnov specifically, have little regard for humans… which, in their minds, includes dwarves and elves. Still, being intelligent creatures, they respect and admire courage… if for no other reason than the fact that particular trait might well become extinct unless actively encouraged and protected.

“Well said, Ibble.” Schmirnov smiled. “You do your master proud. What’s more, you can ease your mind. I have no intention of eating or otherwise harming you or any of your party.”

“Thank you, Lord Dragon,” the dwarf said with a bow. “I could ask no greater guarantee than your word.”

“Well, don’t count too heavily upon it,” the dragon cautioned. “I reserve the right to reverse my position if anyone tries to abuse my hospitality by using it as an opportunity for an attack. Is that understood?”

“Of course,” Ibble said. “I assure you, however, that my lord is an honorable warrior who would not stoop to such a low trick.”

“Really?” Schmirnov’s voice took on a tone of sarcasm. “You’d be surprised how many so-called ‘honorable warriors’ feel that their normal rules of conduct and combat do not apply, when facing dragons.”

“Believe me, my lord is not one such as they. I have been at his side when he has faced numerous foes, many of them nonhuman and some not living, and never have I seen him sway from his code.”

‘That’s good enough to get him his interview,“ the dragon said. ”But you’ll forgive me if I retain my caution nonetheless. The reason there are so few of us left is that far too many trusted the words and promises of humans. Now, who is this lord of yours?“

“He is Stiller Gulick, personal friend and comrade of Prince Rango.”

“Gulick?” Schmirnov frowned, “you mean Sporty Gulick? The one with the complexion problem?”

“You know him?”

“I know of him,” the dragon said. “I didn’t reach my current ripe old age by ignoring who or what might be coming up the hill at me. It pays to keep track of the current crop of heros and bravos who are building their reputations.”

“I see.”

“What’s he doing chumming around with a Prince? Last thing I heard he was a mercenary.”

“That was before the war,” Ibble explained. “We aligned ourselves with the Prince to help throw down Kalaran.”

“War? Kalaran?” Schmirnov shook his head. “It never ends, does it? I swear sometimes I think you humans have as much trouble living in peace with each other as you do living with my kind.”

“If you’d like me to explain,” the dwarf said, “I’m sure you’ll agree our cause was just. Kalaran truly was a figure of evil.”

“Of course.” The reptile smiled. “He lost, didn’t he?”

“I don’t understand.”