J Weichsel - Ebu Gogo

He wracked his brain trying to think of something he could show the visitors that would impress them, and finally he smiled as he hit on just the thing. “Now come,” Chief Bononbun said, “I want to show you how my Keo people gather coconuts based on the ancient principle of Kastom.”

The Chief walked off and Lewis and the rest followed, followed by the tribesmen, who left their spears on the beach. As they walked to the coconut grove, Chief Bononbun boasted to Lewis about how the people of the Keo tribe were the greatest coconut collectors in the entire world due to their superior strength and commitment to Kastom.

When they reached the coconut grove, each tribesman went to his own coconut tree where he wrapped his arms and legs around the trunk and climbed by inching his way up with his arms and legs, like an inchworm. When he reached the top of the tree, the tribesman picked a single coconut, climbed down the tree by inching his way downward like an inchworm, placed the coconut on the ground, climbed back up in the same manner as before, picked another coconut, and climbed down the tree again with it. Chief Bononbun, who was smiling proudly, said to Lewis, “Now do you see that the Keo people are the greatest coconut collectors in the world?”

Lewis said, “They certainly can climb, but it looks like exhausting work to pick coconuts that way.”

Chief Bononbun grinned ear to ear and said, “I am glad you recognize that my men are mighty climbers. Perhaps they might be the mightiest in the world?”

Then, Lewis happened to glance over at Kanoonoo. While the other tribesmen were climbing their trees, Kanoonoo was sitting quietly on the ground, ripping the leaves and smaller branches off of a long branch that he had cut from a tree. Lewis asked, “What is he doing?”

The chief answered, “I told you. Kanoonoo is lazy. While the rest of the Keo climb in order to collect coconuts, he just sits there like an idiot.”

The tribesmen began to tire from climbing and gradually one by one had to cease their activity. The last one returned from his tree with his final coconut and they all began to gather their coconuts into one pile when Kanoonoo stood up with the stick he had been working on. He had made the stick so that it hooked at one end. Reaching the stick high above him, he used it to quickly cut all the ripe coconuts in his tree by their stems, sending them falling to the ground.

Lewis commented, “Would you look at that!”

The chief said, “Ah yes. Lazy Kanoonoo the village idiot again. Everybody point and laugh at Kanoonoo.”

The other tribesmen pointed fingers at Kanoonoo and laughed. Kanoonoo just continued to cut coconuts from his tree with a big grin on his face.

Dr. Stern said, “But Kanoonoo isn’t being lazy. He is being efficient.”

The chief said, “How is he not being lazy? While everybody else was busy climbing trees, he was just sitting there like an idiot carving a tree branch.”

Dr. Stern said, “But after only a few moments of work, he has collected more coconuts than all the other tribesmen put together.”

“Exactly. He did only a few moments of work. That makes him lazy.”

“It doesn’t make him lazy,” Dr. Stern said. “All it means is that he has discovered a different way of doing things.”

“Ah,” said the chief. “Now you have gotten to the root of the problem. While my Keo people dance and fish and pick coconuts based on the ancient principle of Kastom, Kanoonoo is breaking with Kastom by doing something different. This is very dangerous. The Keo people have been living by the principle of Kastom since the beginning of time, and anybody who breaks with Kastom must be made a pariah.”

Dr. Stern furrowed his brow and said, “No you haven’t.”

Chief Bononbun frowned and said, “Haven’t what?”

Dr. Stern said, “The Keo people haven’t been living based of the principle of Kastom since the beginning of time. Your ancestors were actually civilized, as was all of Indonesia. Then in the 19 thcentury there was a back to nature movement in Indonesia, and many people decided to move back into the jungle in order to live primitive, technology-free lives. Even the word Kastom is just a corruption of the English word custom as it sounds when spoken with an Australian accent. Your ancestors invented your rituals, the dance you showed us, your manner of fishing and picking coconuts, and your entire way of life out of whole cloth in the 19 thcentury, and then told their offspring that they had been living as you do now since the beginning of time in order to create the appearance of unbroken tradition.”

Chief Bononbun could only shake his head and smile to himself. He had been overly eager to impress these white people because he had thought them to be so sophisticated, but it turns out that white people are as stupid as Kanoonoo, the desa konyol, village idiot. He said, “Come with me. The one called Linda left something for you when she was here.”

Lewis exclaimed, “You should have told me immediately. You must show me what she left for me right away!”

Chief Bononbun turned and walked, and the rest followed.

Linda groaned and her heavy eyelids slowly opened and blinked in the purple glow of the phosphorescent slugs that lit the little cavern. She looked at Martin and Amber, who wore nothing but their pith helmets and boots, and groggily asked, “Where are your clothes?”

“The ebu gogo took them,” Amber said.

Linda said, “I don’t want to know.”

Amber said, “The ebu gogo took yours too.”

Linda looked down and realized that she was completely naked except for her pith helmet and boots. She looked over at the brunette Christa, who was blinking her eyes as she slowly awakened. Christa was identically clad as Linda and Amber. Linda said, “Why did the ebu gogo take our clothes?”

Amber said, “They… they wanted to inspect us. To see if we were male or female, I think. So they removed our clothes. And then they took them.”

As Linda came back to her senses she remembered how the ebu gogo had removed Bethany’s clothes and inspected her. She asked, “Where are we?”

Amber said, “In a cave where they live.”

Linda said, “Why don’t we leave?”

Amber said, “We’re being guarded.”

Linda stuck her head out of the aperture of the cavern they were in. A voice spoke in a quick, high pitched staccato and the shaft of a spear came down and whapped Linda over her pith helmet. She shouted, “Ouch,” and pulled her head back inside the cavern. She removed her helmet, rubbed her head, and said, “That smarted.”

A few moments went by and then the leader entered with a retinue of ebu gogo. She walked up to Martin, and with a haughty smile and tilt of her head she put her little hands on her little orange furry hips, thrust her pelvis out at him several times, and grinning from ear to ear, said in the mocking tone of a dominatrix, “Tooh kear mi coo-coo?”

Sweat formed on Martin’s brow. His face grew white, and his eyes bulged as he tried to shake his head no, but unable to, stood where he was paralyzed with indecision.

The ebu gogo chief thrust her pelvis at Martin three more times and said in the same mocking tone, “Ya, tooh kear mi coo-coo!”

Martin’s head swam. The ebu gogo leader was about three and a half feet tall. She was covered in orange fur, and had a subhuman face. She didn’t even have a chin. But yet, there was something about her that was irresistibly alluring. Perhaps it was her large breasts that hung so low that her nipples were just inches above her feet, or perhaps it was her round womanly hips. No, Martin thought. There was no use in him kidding himself. It was her fur he found attractive, her fur and nothing else.