Robert Asprin - Myth-Nomers and Im-Pervections

"You know, Skeeve, you're growing up. I think we both forget that more often than we should." Aahz's voice was so soft I barely recognized it as his.

"Does this mean you'll come back?"

"I... I'll have to think about it." he said, looking away.' ‘Let me get back to you in a couple of days. Okay?"

"I'd like to, but I can't," I grimaced. "I've got to leave tonight."

"I see," Aahz's head snapped around. "You could only allow so much time for this little jaunt, huh? Work piling up back at the office?"

An angry, indignant protest rose to my lips, but I fought back. From what he knew, Aahz's assumption wasn't only not out of line, it was a logical error.

"That's not it at all," I said quietly. "If you must know, the local police have told me to be off-dimension by morning."

"What!!?? You've been tossed off Perv?"

My old partner's eyes fixed on Pookie with cold fury. "What have you two been up to that could get you tossed off a dimension like this?"

"Don't look at me, cousin! This is the first I've heard of it. The last thing I knew he was heading off-dimension because he couldn't find you."

"That was before my last interview with the police," I supplied. "Really, Aahz, Pookie had nothing to do with it. It's a little mess I got into on my own over... the details aren't really important right now. The bottom line is that I can't hang around while you make up your mind."

"Well some day I want to hear those ‘unimportant details,' "Aahz growled. "In the meantime, I suppose you can go on ahead and I'll catch up with you after I've thought things out."

"Um... actually, if you decide to come, I'll be over on Klah, not Deva." I tried to make it sound casual, but Aahz caught it in a flash.

"Klah? What would take you back to that backwater dimension?"

There was no way around the direct question. Besides, my old mentor's tone of voice called for a no-nonsense answer.

"Well, there's a problem I've got to deal with there. Remember Queen Hemlock? It seems she's on the move again."

"Hemlock?" Aahz frowned. "I thought you cooled her jets with a ring that wouldn't come off."

I decided it wasn't the time to ask what a jet was. "I did," I acknowledged. "She sent it back to me... finger and all. It looked like a pretty clear announcement and a warning that she was all set to launch her world conquest plans again... and wasn't about to put up with any interference."

"... And you're about to go up against her alone? Without even mentioning it to me?"

"I... I didn't think it would be fair to try to pressure you with it, Aahz. Face it, the way things seem to go there will always be some kind of trouble cropping up. You can't be expected to spend your life covering my tail every time I get in a scrape. Besides, I'm not going to try to take her on myself. In fact, the rest of the team is already there. I sent them on ahead while I came back to look for you." I was expecting an explosion and a lecture. Instead, Aahz seemed to be studying my face.

"Let me see if I've got this right," he said, finally. "Your home dimension is under attack... and instead of leading the team in the campaign, you put it all on hold to come looking for me?"

When he put it that way, it did sound more than a little irresponsible.

"Well... yes," I stammered. "But I told Massha to come pick me up at the end of a week. I figured that I'd have to go and pitch in at that point, whether I had found you or not."

Aahz started to say something, then shook his head. Heaving a great sigh, he tried again. • "Skeeve... don't worry about not being able to find the right words. I think you've given me a pretty good idea of what I really mean to you."

"I did?"

He nodded.

"Enough that I've decided I don't need any more time to make up my mind. Grab your stuff, partner. Let's get going. Are you square with the hotel, or do you still have to settle accounts?"

"I'm all set on that front," I said. "There's no balance... since they made me pay in advance."

"That figures," Aahz grumbled. "Unless you're a VIP or something, everybody gets the same treatment." It was just too good an opening to pass up, and I yielded to the temptation.

"Of course, it'll probably be easier for me next time around... now that I have a line of credit and a credit card."

"What next time around? I thought you said the police..."

His train of thought stopped abruptly as he turned to loom over me.

"CREDIT CARD? What credit card? Who's been teaching you about credit cards?"

That wasn't exactly the reaction I had been expecting. "The bank suggested it, actually," I explained. "They said..."

"What bank? How did you know what to look for in a bank?"

"Well, it was recommended to me by Edvick, he's the cabbie I hired while I was here, and..."

"That you hired? Why didn't you..."He paused and seemed to regain a bit of control. "It sounds like you've got quite a bit to discuss with me... when we have the time. Right, partner?"

"Right, Aahz," I said, glad to be off the hook for the moment.

"Is there anything that has to be done before we leave?"

"Well, I've got to get some money to the bellhop. I promised him..."

"Spare me the details... for the moment anyway. Any thing else?"

"No, Aahz."

"All right. Finish packing while I hunt up this bellhop for you. Then, we're off for Klah... if I can find the settings on the D-hopper, that is. It's been a while, and..."

"Save the batteries, cousin," Pookie said. "I think I can handle getting us all there without help."

"You? Since when were you coming along?" Aahz gaped.

"Since I hired on with Skeeve here," the bodyguard countered. "While we're on the subject, since when did you need a D-hopper to travel through the dimensions?"

"Um... if the two of you don't mind," I said, stuffing my dirty clothes into my new bag, "could we save all that until later? Right now, we've got a war to catch!"