Robert Asprin - Myth-ion Improbable

"What's a travel agent?"

I looked at Tanda, then at Aahz. Both were just shaking their heads.

"Never mind," Aahz said, waving the question away with his hand. Every time he did that, I knew he considered the question too stupid for an answer.

"So they charge for the information and the jump," I said, going on. "Sounds reasonable to me."

"Well, it is and it isn't," Tanda said. "No one knows where the Shifters come from. They are masters of disguise, and if you try to double-cross them you will disappear, never to be seen again."

"More than likely off to some deadly dimension," Aahz said, shaking his head.

"So we make sure they get their five percent of the golden cow if we find it."

That seemed logical enough to me.

"I hope that's all it will take," Aahz said.

Tanda just nodded.

I didn't like that at all. Disappearing was not something I considered in my possible future. I had plans. Better, big ger plans. Yet now I was risking my life chasing a cow. Not smart at all as far as I was concerned. I tried to think about something else besides a future where someone made me vanish.

"How do the Shifters keep changing like that one did?"

"Disguise spells, maybe. I don't know." Tanda shrugged. "I've never seen one really stay the same for very long."

I considered myself good at disguises, but I was a long way from being able to do what that Shifter had been doing. Which meant that if they were that good, it was possible that one of the shifters was with us right now, disguised as something around the room.

The thought almost made me jump. I glanced around, try ing to see anything odd about the old log cabin. There was nothing but a dirt-littered floor and old logs. Yet I now had a feeling we were being watched.

"So let's see if we can figure out where we are and how to take the next step," Tanda said, scooting over beside Aahz.

I walked once around the small room, then moved over to where Aahz had pulled out the map and spread it on the floor.

"Would you look at that?" Tanda said, pointing.

I saw instantly what she was talking about. The map had changed. I studied what was there now, comparing it to what had been there before. Now the lines from Vortex #1 were different, and the points at the end of each were labeled. And the upper corner of the map had Deva listed, with a direct line from Deva to Vortex #1.

"Amazing," Aahz said, his voice just a whisper. "A true treasure map."

"How did it do that?" I asked. Aahz laughed.

"Just as everything is done," he said. "Magik."

"It's a magik map, a true treasure map of the dimensions," Tanda said. "I've only heard of such things."

She reached over and gave me a big hug, something I was more than willing to continue as long as she wanted it to. Finally, far too quickly, she let go and looked at me. "This was a great purchase on your part." I shrugged. "Not unless it leads somewhere."

"True," Aahz said, not looking up from the map. I went back to studying the map as well. As far as I was concerned, it was just lines and points and a few names. I couldn't use it to find my way back to where we had appeared here on Vortex #1, let alone to jump dimensions. "So the map changes. What does that mean?" Tanda pointed at the point labeled Vortex #1. "Thanks to the Shifter, we're here. From this point we have five choices of dimension jumps."

She pointed to the five names the lines lead to from this place. "The one called Bumppp looks the most promising." Aahz nodded. "And the straightest line through the map as well."

"You know this Bumppp world?" I asked. "Or any of those places?"

She slowly shook her head.

"Aahz?"

"No, I don't."

I looked at him, then at Tanda, remembering what Aahz had told me about dimension hopping. You had to know ex actly where you were going, or you couldn't jump.

"So we're stuck here?" I asked. "That's the end of the trip?"

"No," Aahz said, reaching into his belt pouch and pulling out a D-Hopper.

He quickly scrolled through the listing of dimensions on the Hopper, checking them with the names on the map. Fi nally, he sighed and put it back.

And with that sigh I knew we were done. The five pos sible places we could jump to from this place was not on the D-Hopper either.

"Damn," Tanda said. "I was afraid this might happen."

She pushed herself to her feet and brushed off her pants.

"I hate this," Aahz said, standing. He carefully folded the map and put it in his belt pouch.

"What are we doing now?"

Tanda motioned that I should come closer. Then she reached up, and before I could stop her, she sealed my lips again.

"Sorry," she said. "Can't take the chance."

I tried to object, but the only thing that came out was "Wggghhh."

This was getting old. Too much more of this kind of treat ment and my lips were going to be sore for a week.

A moment later, without a warning from either Tanda or Aahz, we were back standing in front of the Shifter in the big tent.

"There's no such thing as a free ride."

M.T.A.

"Ten percent for your solution," the Shifter said, its voice deep and strong as it studied Tanda and scratched what seemed to be part of its neck.

I stared at it, not really looking at what it was at the mo ment, but more studying how it was changing constantly. It was as if there was always a part of it moving, morphing into the next character. The hair shifted, the skin changed, the arms lengthened, nothing really staying complete for more than a few seconds before starting to change into the next shape or color. Its voice, its chair, its eyes all changed as well. That really impressed me. When I did a disguise spell, I could do clothing and size and shape, but never the quality of the eyes. From this Shifter's eyes it looked as if it was actually fifty or a hundred different beings all melding together. For all I knew, it was. I wanted to ask it how it did what it did, but then remembered my lips were again sealed.

"Ten percent!" Aahz said through his teeth, his voice barely under control.

"On top of the first five percent, bringing the total to fif teen percent."

I thought I could see a blood vessel in Aahz's neck trying to break out from under the green scales. Any moment Tanda was going to have to seal his mouth as well, from the looks of it. I wanted to tell the Shifter how greedy it was being, but luckily I couldn't.

"No," Tanda said. "We will give you another five percent, and five percent more for each time we require your help in this journey, but not one bit above that."

The Shifter had become a tall creature with a very thin face and hundreds of tiny teeth crammed into a very ugly mouth. And at that moment the mouth smiled, or at least did something I thought was a smile.

"Agreed," it said.

Aahz looked like he might have a small fit right there, but somehow he managed to contain himself. I was impressed. It wasn't often that large percentages of a possible fortune were taken from him and he didn't destroy something. Aahz and money were not easily parted, and if we did find this golden cow, there was no doubt in my mind that Aahz would not want to part with much of the golden milk. But now he would have no choice, for at least ten percent of the find.

And I had no doubt we were going to be back here a num ber more times before this little venture was over.

"What is your destination now?" it asked.

"Bumppp," Tanda said.

For a moment the creature hesitated, and I thought I saw the morphing hesitate as well. Then it said, almost sadly, "Very well."

A moment later we ended up in the middle of a wide meadow filled with thick plants and orange flowers. The sky overhead was a faint blue and pink. Dark-green trees surrounded the meadow, and in the distance there were pink mountains. I had been ready to use my disguise spell on us to protect us from any storm, but the air was warm and humid, just the way I liked it.