Robert Asprin - Myth-ion Improbable

By the time I was rested enough to get us farther down the road, a bunch of the nearby cows had sauntered over and were gathering near the road watching what we were doing. It was creepy, and I was glad to get on the way.

From that point onward there were cattle along the road watching us, as if something had told them we were coming. When I asked Aahz what made them do that, he said he didn't know. He'd never seen cattle act that way.

Tanda said she hadn't either.

That answer didn't comfort me at all.

I kept us going longer and longer, not wanting to rest and have all the cows gather close to us. By the time the sun came up I had flown us to the edge of Bank City. I was exhausted and was going to have to get a few hours sleep before we went on.

At first light, the moment the sun peeked over the edge of the nearby mountains, the cows stopped watching us and went back to grazing.

For some reason that bothered me a lot more than them staring at us.

"It's an acquired taste."

H. LECHTER

I was so tired that even the short walk into the center of the town of Bank darned near killed me. All I wanted to do was fall down and sleep, at least for a few hours. Aahz promised me that was going to be possible very soon, so I limped along with them.

The merchants were opening up the stores and the shut­ters had all disappeared from the windows. Horses pulling wagons were lined up outside a few stores, and, just like in Evade, a guy wearing a hat and carrying a shovel was going around cleaning up after the horses. Clearly that was a stan­dard job in every town. I couldn't imagine a kid wanting to be the horse-poop cleaner when he grew up. But maybe in this culture, that was the top job.

Bank looked a lot like Evade, just bigger. The buildings were all the same size, and there were wooden sidewalks.

We found a small establishment like the one Glenda had left me in, and sat down at a table near the front window. We were the only ones in the place. It felt great to be off my feet and not moving. I might be able to sleep right there in the chair if they let me.

As I looked around I realized this place was almost identi­ cal to Audry's in Evade, with the bar down the left side and wooden tables and chairs.

"What can I get for ya, folks?" A man asked as he came out from the back room.

He was just like the guy in Evade, right down to the white apron and the dirty towel.

"Could we trouble you for just one glass of your best juice?" I asked.

"Not a problem at all," he said, smiling. "You want some breakfast, I just got a fresh load in this very morning. Good and crisp."

"Sounds great," I said, "maybe later. But I think first we just want to sit a spell."

The guy came back with the carrot juice drink and slid it onto the table with a smile before he headed back into the kitchen area.

"You've picked up the lingo pretty well," Tanda said. "A night alone in a place do that for you?"

"I suppose," I said, taking a sip of the juice. "Isn't it creepy how all these people seem the same from town to town?"

"I was noticing that as well," Tanda said. "The guy shov eling dung looks just like every other guy I've seen shoveling dung."

Aahz laughed and I just stared at her, too tired to even try to figure out what she had just said.

"I wonder why there's no milk," Aahz said, staring at the carrot juice with a look of disgust on his face.

"I don't think you want to ask, even if they had any," I said. "I was in a kitchen of one of these places, and there was nothing there but veggies, and not a clean surface in the room."

"Ughh," Tanda said. "More than likely you could get us arrested for even thinking of drinking milk in a dimension full of cows."

"You two have far too active an imagination," Aahz said as he pulled out the map and opened it.

Again it had changed.

I kept sipping my carrot juice as I studied the parchment. Bank, the town we were in, was the main town on the map now. And the treasure was now located in a city called Placer. Three roads left Bank and headed off in three directions, all, in one fashion or another, getting to Placer after a few more towns.

"Now which way?" I asked, staring at our options.

They were towns called Chip, Pie, and Biscuit. Weird names. Everything about this dimension was starting to seem weird to me.

Tanda pointed to one of the towns. "Following Skeeve's plan of going to towns that start with the letter B, we head for Biscuit."

"Sounds good to me," I said.

Aahz just shook his head in amazement.

"As good as any, I suppose."

He studied the map for a moment more and then folded it up and put it away.

Biscuit was on the road that stayed north going out the west side of Bank. I doubted it would be hard to find. I took an­other sip while Tanda wrinkled her nose at my drink and me.

"It's an acquired taste," I said, realizing what I was doing. I had finished almost half the glass.

I offered the rest to her, but she shook her head.

"No, thanks. Not in a million years."

I shrugged and took another drink. The stuff wasn't bad at all, once you got past the initial taste of smashed and juiced carrots.

"So how you feeling?" Aahz asked.

"He's going to have to rest," Tanda said, not letting me answer.

"I know that," Aahz said. "I was just wondering how we were going to do that. We don't dare go back to the cabin because Glenda might be there. I don't want to deal with her just yet. So we have to find some private spot."

"Actually," I said, stopping the fight before it got started, "I'm feeling pretty good. A little juice here and some time sitting down and I think I can go again for a while."

Tanda looked into the orange liquid.

"What did they put in there?"

"You know," I said, looking at the juice, "I don't know, but it really is helping."

We sat for another ten minutes while I finished off the carrot juice, then I went over and asked how I could pay the man for the drink.

"Come back for a dinner," he said. "That's payment enough."

I thanked him for his hospitality. I had no idea how this bartering system in this dimension worked, but it sure made everyone friendly.

We headed toward the west end of town, walking down the sidewalk and tipping our hats at the smiling people we met. I felt great again. Drinking that juice was like getting a good night's sleep. I had no idea what was in one besides carrots, but I could easily get hooked on them.

It wasn't going to be a problem taking the wrong road be cause there was a sign saying Biscuit and a big arrow at the fork in the roads. Around us were buildings and homes and several hundred of head of cattle grazing, so we started off walking, going slow and steady as the sun got hotter.

Finally, after maybe a mile, we were far enough out in the country to not chance being seen flying.

"You sure you're all right?" Aahz asked.

"Never felt better," I said.

"You know, at the next town, I'm trying some of that juice," Tanda said.

As I reached out with my mind searching for power, it became clear that we were in an area much more powerful than where we had started. It was easy for me to get enough to lift the three of us knee-high off the ground and whisk us along.

We had to stop flying and walk a half dozen times over the next few hours when we saw people coming, or a house was too close to the road. And we must have passed at least a million cows along the way. Not one had actually looked at us. And not once did I have to actually sit down and rest.

Amazing juice.

By the time we reached Biscuit, it was mid-afternoon and I was starting to get tired again. We found a place to sit in a bar that looked just like Audry's and the one in Bank. Now all of us were growing bothered by the similar nature of the places. I wanted to run from the bar when a man who looked a lot like the previous two, down to wearing a white apron and carrying a dirty rag, came out of the kitchen and asked us what we wanted.