Robert Asprin: Something MYTH Inc

"What's with the 'Swatter' bit, Guido?" Massha asks.

"It's an old Army nick-name," I sez wavin' her off. My attention is focused on my cousin. "Nunzio, I thought you explained things to the squad back when we was hangin' together at Abdul's."

"You said to explain about Abdul being a Deveel," he sez with a shrug. "I told them that our work with the Boss had involved traveling to other worlds and dealing with strange creatures, and occasionally some of those creatures popped up here in our world. I also said that they could be tricky or nasty or both, and if any showed up, like Frumple, to let us handle them."

"That's it?" I sez. "You didn't tell 'em anything about dimension or dimension travelers?"

"At the time, that seemed more information than was necessary," he sez. "They accepted it."

I am findin' this hard to believe, especially as Nunzio is usually one who loves to go on endlessly about anything at the drop of a straight line.

"Well," I sez. "That was then and this is now. Perhaps you could elaborate a bit for Spyder's benefit, with particular attention to the players currently in the room."

"No problem," he sez, and turns to Spyder. "You see, those worlds I mentioned before are actually called dimensions. There are thousands of them out there, and the beings that live in them do so, for the most part, without any knowledge or awareness of the other dimensions' existence ... except, perhaps, for occasional legends or folk tales. A few, however, are not only aware of other dimensions, but often travel back and forth between them either as part of their work or simply adventuring. These dimension travelers are generally referred to as 'demons' when they're in a dimension other than their own."

He paused and cocked his head at her, quizzical-like, but Spyder just keeps starin' at him.

"Now the group assembled here," he continues, "is known in some worlds as M.Y.T.H. Inc. We've joined together to provide services to individuals or groups who require assistance of an unusual nature or capacity. Our leader, or Chairman of the board, is the Boss ... or, more commonly Skeeve. You know him or have heard of him as Skeeve the Great, currently serving as Royal Magician to the Court of Possiltum.

"The green, scaly gent with the impressive teeth and the dour expression is Aahz. He was Skeeve's main instructor in magik and things dimensional, and is currently the boss's main advisor and second in command. He hails from the dimension Perv, which makes him a Pervect, as is his cousin, Pookie, the lean mean feminine version over there, who has recently joined our ranks to assist Guido and I with our bodyguarding duties."

Those two individuals incline their heads politely to Spyder, who nods back.

"The large, hairy gentleman is Chumley. He and his sister Tananda, who is currently covering our home office, are from Trollia. As you might guess, he would be what you might have heard referred to as a Troll."

Chumley gives Spyder a deep bow. I notice with some approval how quickly Nunzio skips past the reference to Tananda. She and Spyder met briefly on our last assignment, but Tananda was disguised at the time so Spyder didn't spot her as a demon. The two of them didn't really get along, as they were both interested in the same man, so Nunzio is wise not to dwell on the subject.

"Last, but certainly not least, is Massha. As you can see, it's hard to miss her, due both to her larger-than-life size and her propensity for bright outfits and jewelry. She and the Boss met on a caper in the dimension Jahk, and she was impressed enough to sign on as his apprentice. Within our crew, however, she's a full-fledged member."

"Hiya, Sugar!" Massha sez, wigglin' her fingers at Spyder. "Don't worry. We're not nearly as nasty as we look."

Spyder is so busy starin' at Massha she forgets to nod. This is not surprising, as Massha is quite an eyeful. Nunzio's statement that she is 'larger than life' does not to begin to encompass her stature. Massha is huge, in all directions except up. What's more, her bright orange hair and green lipstick are upstaged by her loud, flashy clothes and enough jewelry to stock a small craft show.

"The other member of our troupe is Bunny, who isn't with us at the moment because she's meeting with Skeeve to go over the kingdom's finances. Like Guido and me, she's from this dimension, which is known elsewhere as Klah, incidentally, so there's nothing unusual about her appearance other than she's cute as a button." He notices Spyder makin' a face at this, so he adds, "It might also be worth noting that she is the niece of Don Bruce, the Fairy Godfather of the Mob locally. Speaking of which, you should also probably know that as far as Don Bruce is concerned, our whole operation is a part of the Mob. An independent, stand-alone part, but a part nonetheless."

"Gleep!"

"Oh yes," Nunzio sez, pointin' to the contributin' party. "The aforementioned dragon is Gleep. He is the Boss's pet and has assisted us on several capers, much to the dismay and demolition of our opponents. Does that satisfy your curiosity, Spyder?"

He has not bothered to include either himself or me in the introductions, since, as was earlier noted, we have worked with Spyder before during our brief hitch in the Army. Of course, our own appearance is no less memorable than the rest of the team. We both have the size and build of professional athletes of the contact sport variety, only more intimidatin'. This was pretty much a prerequisite in our earlier work as Mob collection specialists.

"I guess. At least, explains a few things," Spyder says comin' off the wall at last.

"Then, returnin' to the point of this meetin'," I sez, "could you now tell everyone what Hugh Badaxe asked you to pass along?"

"If you say so," she sez with a shrug. "Basically, General Badaxe has been getting reports that pockets of malcontents are forming in the kingdom. Right now they're small and mostly talking, but he's concerned that they might eventually try taking action. Specifically, armed, organized action."

"Pardon me, my dear," sez Chumley, "but I'm afraid

I'm missing something here. Why is Hugh having you tell us about this? If there's a possible rebellion shaping up, why doesn't he simply handle it with the Army?"

"I'm getting to that." Spyder waves. "You see, it's not the kingdom they're talking about overthrowing. It's the magician. The Great Skeeve. The Boss, as you call him."

"How's that again?"

Aahz is no longer leanin' against the wall, but standin' tall and looking very attentive.

"Well, it seems the word going around the kingdom is that an evil magician, that's Skeeve, has the Queen in thrall and is actually running the kingdom from behind the scenes," Spyder explains. "While most folks don't seem to care much one way or the other, there are those who are talking about trying to ... how do they put it... free the kingdom from his merciless grasp."

"But that's patently absurd!" Chumley sez with a frown. "We all know Skeeve. He's got a good head on his shoulders and shows marked potential as a magician, but mostly he's an organizer. There isn't an evil bone in his body."

"I'll tell you something else, Missy," Massha puts in. "Skeeve is helping to bail out the kingdom at Queen Hemlock's personal request. She's the one who's trying to blackmail him into marrying her. How does that fit with your 'magician holding the Queen in thrall' scenario?"

For a second I am afraid that Spyder is going to go after Massha for the 'Missy' comment, but she doesn't. This is a good thing, as Massha not only outweighs her on a factor of five or six to one, but also packs a mean magikal wallop in some of the jewelry she wears.

"That's how you all see him," Spyder sez, "and I'm inclined to believe you, mostly because I trust the Swatter and Nunzio. You've got to look at it through outsider's eyes to understand what's going on.