Robert Heinlein - The Cat Who Walked Through Walls

"Don't threaten me. I'll beat you." "At your own risk-I bite. Look, Richard, I've been waiting for the question. This is the first time we've been alone. You want to know how homy old Hazel stuck it out in faithful chastity for two aching years. Or rather, you don't believe she did but you are too polite to say so."

"Why, damn your eyes! Look, my love, I'm a Loonie, with Loonie values. Love and sex are ruled by our ladies; we men accept their decisions. That's the only happy arrangement. If you want to boast a bit, go ahead. If not, let's change the subject. But don't accuse me of groundhog vices."

"Richard, you are your most infuriating when you are being your most reasonable."

"Do you want me to quiz you?"

"It would be polite."

'Tell me three times."

"'I tell you three times and what I tell you three times is true.'"

"You peeked in the back of the book. All right, I'll cut to the chase. You are a member of the Long Family. No?"

She caught her breath. "What caused you to say that?"

"I don't know. I truly don't because it's been many little things no one of which meant anything and mostly did not stick in my mind. But sometime this evening, while talking with Jake, I found that I was taking it for granted. Am I mistaken?"

She sighed. "No, you're right. But I did not intend to load it onto you just yet. You see, I'm on leave of absence from the Family, not a member of it right now. And that was not what I intended to confess."

"Wait a second. Jake is one of your husbands."

"Yes. But remember, I'm on leave."

"For how long?"

"Till death do us part! I promised you that in the Golden Rule. Richard, histories show that you and I were married at the time of the cusp event... so I asked the Family for a divorce ... and settled for a leave of absence. But it might as well be final-they know it, I know it. Richard, I was here every night, every Tertian night I mean-thirty-seven times... but I never slept with the Family. I- Usually I slept with Xia and Choy-Mu. They were good to me." She added, "But not once with a Long. Not any of them, male or female. I was faithful to you, in my own fashion."

"I don't see why you needed to deprive yourself. Then you are one of Lazarus Long's wives, too. On leave, but his wife.

That omery old curmudgeon! Hey! Is it possible that he is jealous of me? Hell, yes, it's not only possible but likely. Certain! He's not a Loonie; he is not conditioned to accept 'Lady's Choice.' And he comes from a culture in which jealousy was the commonest mental disorder. Of course! Why, the silly bastich!" "No, Richard." "In a pig's eye." "Richard, Lazarus got all the jealousy leached out of him many generations ago... and I've been married to him thirteen years with plenty of chance to judge. No, dear, he's worried. He's worried about me and he's worried about you-he knows how dangerous it is-he's worried about all the Family and all of Tertius. Because he knows how dangerous the multiverse is. He's devoting his life and all of his wealth to trying to make his people safe."

"Well... I wish he could be a little more urbane about it.

Mannerly. Polite."

"So do I. Here, take the kitten; I gotta pee. Then I vote for some sleep."

"Me, too. Both. My, it feels good to get out of bed and stroll to the jakes without having to hop."

We had cuddled up together, lights out, her head on my shoulder and the kitten wandering around the bed somewhere, both of us about to sleep, when she murmured, "Richard.

Forgot... Ezra-"

"Forgot what?" "His legs. When... he first walked on them... with crutches.

Three days ago I think... 'bout three months back for me. Xia 'n' I congratulated Ezra... horizontally."

"The best way."

'Took him to bed. Wore him out."

"Good girls. What else is new?"

She seemed to have dropped off to sleep. Then she barely muttered. "Wyoming."

"What, dear?" "Wyoh, my daughter. Little girl playing in fountain... you

'member?"

"Yes, yes! Yours? Oh, grand!"

"Meet'r... 'n morning. Named for... Mama Wyoh. Lazarus-"

"She's a daughter of Lazarus?"

"Guess so. Ishtar says. Cer'nly had lots... opportunity."

I tried to picture the child's face. A pixie, with bright red hair. "Looks more like you."

Hazel did not answer. Her breathing was slow and even.

I felt paws on my chest, then a tickle on my chin. "Blert?"

"Quiet, baby; Mama's sleeping."

The kitten settled down, went to sleep himself. So I finished the day as I had begun it, with a baby cat asleep on my chest.

It had been a busy day.

"It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards."

CHARLES LUTWIDGE DODGSON 1832-1898

"Gwendolyn my love." Hazel stopped with a teethclean in hand, looked startled.

"Yes, Richard?"

"This is our first anniversary. We must celebrate." "I'm quite willing to celebrate but I can't figure out your arithmetic. And celebrate how? A fancy breakfast? Or back to bed?"

"Both. Plus a special treat. But eat first. As for my arithmetic, attend me. It is our anniversary because we have been married exactly a week. Yes, I am aware that you think of it as two years-"

"I do not! Doesn't count. Like time spent in Brooklyn." "And you tell me that I have been here thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine days, more or less. But it is not thirty-nine days to me, Gwen Hazel, as Allah will not subtract from my allotted time those days spent in the Lethe field, so I don't count them. Hell, I wouldn't believe in them if it weren't that I now have two feet-"

"You're complaining?"

"Oh, no! Except that I now have to cut twice as many toenails-"

"Blert!"

"What do you know about it? You don't have toenails; you have claws. And you scratched me in the night, you did. Yes, you did-don't look innocent. Monday evening the thirtieth of June-of 2188, it was, though I'm not sure what year it is here-we went to see the Halifax Ballet Theater with Luanna Pauline as Titania."

"Yes. Isn't she lovely?"

"Wasn't she! Past tense, dear. If what I've been told is true, her ethereal beauty has been dust for more than two thousand years. Rest in peace. Then we went to Rainbow's End for a late supper and a total stranger had the bad taste to get himself abruptly dead at our table. Whereupon you raped me."

"Not at the table!"

"No, in my bachelor's apartment."

"And it wasn't rape."

"We need not fight over it since you repaired my tarnished reputation before noon the next day. Our wedding day, my true love. Mistress Gwendolyn Novak and Dr. Richard Ames announced their marriage on Tuesday the first of July, 2188. Keep track of that date."

"I'm not likely to forget it!"

"Me, too. That evening we got out of town fast, with the sheriff's hounds a-snappin' and a-yappin' at our heels. We slept that night in Dry Bones Pressure. Right?"

"Right so far."

"The next day, Wednesday the second, Gretchen drove us to Lucky Dragon Pressure. We slept that night in Dr. Chan's place. The following day, Thursday the third. Auntie drove us toward Hong Kong Luna, but not all the way because we encountered those eager agrarian reformers. You drove the rest of the way and we wound up at Xia's hotel so late at night that it was hardly worthwhile to go to bed. But we did. That puts us into Friday the fourth of July. Independence Day. Check?"

"Check."

"We were roused out-I was roused out; you were already up-I was roused out too soon late Friday morning.., and learned that City Hall did not like me. But you and Auntie sprung me-sprang me?-sprung me ... and we left for Luna City so fast I left my toupee hanging in the air."

"You don't wear a toupee." "Not anymore, I don't; it's still hanging there. We arrived L-City circa sixteen hundred that same Friday. You and I had a difference of opinion-"