Robert Heinlein - The Number of the Beast

"It's well thought out, Zebadiah. Thank you."

"Suits you?"

"Let me study it."

I got fidgety, ducked into Buster Brown and killed time until she called me. "Slight revision, Zebadiah."

Name Additional and/or Relief Duty

Deety Captain Instructor Computers

Zebadiah 2nd in Command & Instructor Duo, Air

Chief Master at Arms

Jake Chief Pilot Instructor Verniers

Hilda Copilot Science Officer & Executive

Chef

Note: Cooking will rotate D-J-Z unless changed by the Executive Chef.

"A 'Slight revision'!"-I felt offended.

Deety looked at me anxiously. "I'm submitting it for your advice, Zebadiah. I want to continue Pop's policy of everybody learning every job, at least well enough to limp home. Hilda will learn the verniers quickly; she's deft, she doesn't have to be told twice, and the inventor I have placed at her elbow. Pop needs practice in air; he isn't as good as he thinks he is and he's never driven a car this fast. You'll be behind him, ready to bounce him out of trouble. Dear- will it work?"

I was forced to admit that Deety's T.O. was better than mine.

"It's better than mine, so you owe me a forfeit. Where are my handcuffs and nightstick?"

"As second-in-command you are vested with the duty to keep order and to see that the commanding officer's orders are carried out, are you not?"

"Of course, Deety-Captain Deety-why rub their noses in it?"

"You know why, Zebadiah. I am reminding everyone that I mean to have a taut ship-and no back talk! You don't need handcuffs or a club. But in that right-hand dressing-table drawer is a ten-centimeter roll of adhesive tape- the size gangsters use for gags."

"Oh. Oho!"

"Zebadiah! Don't use it without my direct order. I shall maintain a taut ship. But when I've served my time, I would much rather my father was still speaking to me. It's a last resort, my husband. A sharp Pipe-down from you is all P- anybody will ever need. I intend to keep you at the conn most of the time-unless you ask me to relieve you, or I tell you I want to conn something personally."

"Suits."

"Very well, sir. You have the conn. Give them their assignments, prepare the car for space, take the reports, let me know here when you are ready. Revision in plan: Take us straight up one thousand klicks. Let us look at Oz from a distance, then continue by plan."

"Aye aye, Captain." I started to leave while thinking that Deety might leave a reputation equal to that of Captain Bligh.

Zebadiah!"

"Yes, Captain?"

"Don't go 'way without kissing me or I won't take the bloody job!"

"I didn't realize that the Captain cared to be kissed."

"Captains need kisses more than most people," she answered, her face muffled against my shoulder.

"Got a fresh new stock. Will there be anything else, Ma'am?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"When I've served my time, will you use your influence to put me on the verniers? And-sometime-will you teach me supersonic?"

"Verniers, yes. Supersonic- A man who takes his wife as a pupil is breeding a divorce. Gay will teach you supersonic if you will let her. At super- or hypersonic she's safest on autopilot. She won't hurt herself-but if you override, you may hurt her, she may hurt you."

"But you override. How am I to learn?"

"Easy. Give her a program. Leave it loose enough for her to correct your goofs. Keep your hands and feet very lightly on the controls. Be patient, and eventually you'll be part of Gay and Gay will be part of you. Shut up and kiss me."

Captains kiss better.

Ten minutes later we were ready for space. I asked, "Did anyone leave

anything in our annex?" I wasn't thinking about it; Jake had reported: "Juice one point zero-full capacity!"

"Hilda and I hung up our dresses."

"Captain, do you realize that our magical space warp will probably go back wherever it came from the instant we leave?"

"Want to bet? Glinda wouldn't pull a trick like that."

"It's your dress, Cap'n. But your exec advises you officially to warn all hands never to leave anything essential in there during maneuvers." I wiped the matter from my mind; Deety would do it her way. "Gay, are you going to go on being talkative on your own?"

"Zeb, back on watch, I'll be strictly business. But a girl is entitled to a night out once in a while."

"You're a Smart Girl, Gay."

"So Tik-Tok told me, Zeb."

"Roger and out, Gay. Sharpie, set transition one thousand klicks H axis, plus."

"A thousand kilometers straight up, minimum-range scale, vernier setting three. Jacob, will you check me, please?"

Jake reported the setting correct; I snapped, "Execute!"

Jake put her nose-down: an Earthlike planet so covered with haze that I could make out no details other than straight down, where Oz was still sharp and framed by the impassable deserts. "Sharpie, please hand me the binox, then shift hats to 'Science Officer' and find out whether or not our new addition came along."

I had to help her undog the bulkhead door-Sharpie, in free fall, can't brace herself to apply enough torque to loosen a dog I had fastened on the ground. Meanwhile Deety had been using the binox. "Zebadiah, it's hazy everywhere but below us. Emerald City shines out green as Erin, and Glinda's Palace gleams in the sunshine. But the rest might as well be Venus. Only it's not."

"Daughter-Captain, I mean-have you looked at the stars?" Jake added, "I think it's our own universe."

"It is, Pop? On which side of Orion is the Bull?"

"Why, on-_Jesus, Allah, and Zoroaster! It's turned inside out!"

"Yes, but not the way that other inside-out place was. Like Oz itself. East for west."

I asked my wife, "Captain Deety, is there anything odd about duration here?"

"Doesn't feel odd. But it's been about a century since those three little girls moved to Oz. I don't know what it feels like to them, and I carefully didn't ask. Did anybody notice that there were no clocks and no calendars?"

"Zebbie!"

"Yes, Sharpie?" I answered.

"Our new plumbing works just dandy. Be careful going in; it's not free fall; the floor i~ down. I did a spectacular somersault."

"Hilda my love, are you hurt?"

"Not a bit, Jacob. But next time I'll hang on to something, pull myself down even with the deck, and slide in."

"Science Officer, secure all doors, return to your seat and strap down. Then swap hats and set next rotation by schedule."

"I fastened the doors. I'm dogging the bulkhead door. Okay, I'm strapping down. Where are the binoculars?"

"Jake stowed them. All hands, stand by to rotate."

Another totally black one- I said, "Captain, we'll tumble now unless you prefer to check our new plumbing first."

"Plumbing isn't Deety's job! I'm Science Officer and that includes hygiene, plumbing, and space warps."

Deety said to me, "I relieve you, dear"-then more loudly, to Hilda: "Copilot, pipe down. Pop, dowse the lights and tumble us. Aunt Hillbilly, attempt to set next rotation by touch and sound, in the dark. That's number eight, third of second group."

"Aye aye, Captain Bligh."

The tumble showed nothing. Jake switched on lights, reported that Sharpie had set the next rotation correctly. Deety asked me to relieve her at the conn, then said, "Science Officer, I am about to inspect the addition to your department; please accompany me." Without a word Sharpie did so.

They were gone quite a while. At last I said, "Jake, what do women talk about in can conferences?"

"I'm afraid to find out."

They came back full of giggles; I concluded that Deety's disciplinary methods worked. As they strapped down, Deety said, "Dear, it's black as sin out there- and sunlight streaming in both bathroom windows. Riddle me that."

"Science Officer's department," I evaded. "Stand by to rotate."