Robert Heinlein - The Number of the Beast

"Loud cheers!" agreed Sharpie.

"Check. Jake, I didn't know that Gay could range an atomic blast. Light 'beacon' means a visible light to her just as 'radar beacon' means to her a navigational radar beacon. I told her to get a bearing on the light beacon directly aft; she selected the brightest light with that bearing. Then I told her to take radar range and bearing on it-spun my prayer wheel and prayed.

"There was 'white noise' possibly blanketing her radar frequency. But her own radar bursts are tagged; it would take a very high noise level at the same frequency to keep her from recognizing echoes with her signature. Clearly she had trouble for she reported 'plus-minus' of six hundred meters. Nevertheless range and bearing matched a fix in her permanents and told us our cabin had been bombed. Bad news. But the aliens got there too late to bomb us. Good news."

"Captain, I decline to grieve over material loss. We are alive."

"I agree-although I'll remember Snug Harbor as the happiest home I've ever had. But there is no point in trying to warn Earth-our Earth-about aliens. That blast destroyed the clincher: that alien's cadaver. And papers and drawings you were going to turn over to your Finnish friend. I'm not sure we can go home again."

"Oh, that's no problem, Captain. Two seconds to set the verniers. Not to mention the 'deadman switch' and the program in Gay's permanents."

"Jake, I wish you would knock off 'Captain' other than for command conditions."

"Zeb, I like calling you 'Captain."

"So do I!-my Captain."

"Me, too, Cap'n Zebbie!"

"Don't overdo it. Jake, I didn't mean that you can't pilot us home; I mean we should not risk it. We've lost our last lead on the aliens. But they know who we are and have shown dismaying skill in tracking us down. I'd like to live to see two babies born and grown up."

"Amen!" said Sharpie. "This might be the place for it. Out of a million billion zillion earths this one may be vermin-free. Highly likely."

"Hilda my dear, there are no data on which to base any assumption."

"Jacob, there is one datum."

"Eh? What did I miss, dear?"

"That we do know that our native planet is infested. So I don't want to raise kids on it. If this isn't the place we're looking for, let's keep looking."

"Mmm, logical. Yes. Cap- Zeb?"

"I agree. But we can't tell much before morning. Jake, I'm unclear on a key point. If we translated back to our own earth now, where would we find ourselves? And when?"

"Pop, may I answer that?"

"Go ahead, Deety."

"The time Pop and I translated to the place with no 'J' we thought we had failed. Pop stayed in our car, trying to figure it out. I went inside, intending to fix lunch. Everything looked normal. But the phone book was on the kitchen counter and doesn't belong there. That book had a toll area map on its back cover. My eye happened to land on 'Juab County'-and it was spelled 'luab'- and I thought, 'What a funny misprint!' Then I looked inside and couldn't find any 'J's' and dropped the book and went running for Pop."

"I thought Deety was hysterical. But when I checked a dictionary and the Britannica we got out in a hurry."

"This is the point, Zebadiah. When we flipped back, I dashed into the house. The phone book was where it belonged. The alphabet was back the way it ought to be. The clock in my head said that we had been gone twenty-seven minutes. The kitchen clock confirmed it and it agreed with the clock in the car. Does that answer you, sir?"

"I think so. In a translation, duration just keeps chugging along. I wondered because I'd like to check that crater after it has had time to cool down. What about that one rotation?"

"Harder to figure, Zebadiah. We weren't in that other space-time but a few seconds and we both passed out. Indeterminate."

"I'm convinced. But, Jake, what about Earth's proper motions? Rotation, revolution around the Sun, sidereal motion, and so forth."

"A theoretical answer calls for mathematics you tell me are outside your scope of study, uh-Zeb."

"Beyond my capacity, you mean."

"As you will, sir. An excursion elsewhere-and-elsewhen... and return... brings you back to where you would have been had you experienced that duration on earth. But 'when' requires further definition. As we were discussing, uh... earlier this afternoon but it seems longer, we can adjust the controls to reenter any axis at any point with permanent change of interval. For planetary engineering. Or other purposes. Including reentry reversed against the entropy arrow. But I suspect that would cause death."

"Why, Pop? Why wouldn't it just reverse your memory?"

"Memory is tied to entropy increase, my darling daughter. Death might be preferable to amnesia combined with prophetic knowledge. Uncertainty may be the factor that makes life tolerable. Hope is what keeps us going. Captain!"

"Copilot."

"We have just passed over North Rim."

"Thank you, Copilot." I placed my hands lightly on the controls.

"Pop, our cabin is still there. Lights in it, too."

"So I see. They've added a wing on the west."

"Yes. Where we discussed adding a library."

I said, "Family, I'm not going closer. Your analogs in this world seem to be holding a party. Flood lights show four cars on the grounding flat." I started Gay into a wide circle. "I'm not going to hover; it could draw attention. A call to their sky cops- Hell's bells, I don't even know that they speak English."

"Captain, we've seen all we need. It's not our cabin."

"Recommendation?"

"Sir, I suggest maximum altitude. Discuss what to do while we get there."

"Gay Deceiver."

"On deck, Captain Ahab."

"One gee, vertical."

"Aye aye, sir." (How many answers had Deety taped?)

"Anybody want a sandwich?" asked Sharpie. "I do-I'm a pregnant mother."

I suddenly realized that I had had nothing but a piece of pie since noon. As we climbed we finished what was left of supper.

"Zat Marsh?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, Sharpie."

"Zebbie you brute, I said, 'Is that Mars?' Over there."

"That's Antares. Mars is- Look left about thirty degrees. See it? Same color as Antares but brighter."

"Got it. Jacob darling, let's take that vacation on Barsoom!"

"Hilda dearest, Mars is uninhabitable. The Mars Expedition used pressure suits. We have no pressure suits."

I added, "Even if we did, they would get in the way of a honeymoon."

Hilda answered, "I read a jingle about 'A Space Suit Built for Two.' Anyhow, let's go to Barsoom! Jacob, you did tell me we could go anywhere in Zip- nothing flat."

"Quite true."

"So let's go to Barsoom."

I decided to flank her. "Hilda, we can't go to Barsoom. Mors Kajak and John Carter don't have their swords."

"Want to bet?" Deety said sweetly.

"Huh?"

"Sir, you left it to me to pick baggage for that unassigned space. If you'll check that long, narrow stowage under the instrument board, you'll find the sword and saber, with belts. With socks and underwear crammed in to keep them from rattling."

I said soberly, "My Princess, I couldn't moan about my sword when your father took the loss of his house so calmly-but thank you, with all my heart."

"Let me add my thanks, Deety. I set much store by that old saber, unnecessary as it is."

"Father, it was quite necessary this afternoon."

"Hi ho! Hi ho! It's to Barsoom we go!"

"Captain, we could use the hours till dawn for a quick jaunt to Mars. Uh- Oh, dear, I have to know its present distance-I don't."

"No problem," I said. "Gay gobbles the Aerospace Almanac each year."

"Indeed! I'm impressed."

"Gay Deceiver."

"You again? I was thinking."

"So think about this. Calculation program. Data address, Aerospace Almanac. Running calculation, line-of-sight distance to planet Mars. Report current answers on demand. Execute."