Robert Heinlein - The Number of the Beast

'Where is that magazine?"

"Down the same destruction oubliette that recently received my best fake Scottish chief costume. If I had not learned long ago to dispose of casual fiction once I had read it, Dora would never be able to lift. Hilda, you explained it yoursel-_"

"Hilda? Do you hear me"-her husband's voice.

Her face lit up. "Yes, Jacob?"

"May I see you? I have a problem."

I barely whispered, "I'll get out," and started to stand up. She pulled me back down. "Of course, Jacob dearest. I'm in the flag cabin. Where are you?"

"In our suite."

"Come straight here." She whispered to me, "Do we have a deal?" I nodded; she stuck out her hand; we shook on it. "Partners," she whispered. "Details later. Maureen first."

Her husband answered, "Hilda, I don't know my way. And it's a private matter."

"Then you must come here, Jacob; this is the only private place in the ship. I've been talking business with Lazarus Long-business so private we had to talk here. No more trouble, dearest man, and we each get what we want. Come join us, we need you."

"Uh... can he hear me?"

"Certainly. We're having a bath together. Come join us. I want you to know all about the deal before we tell the children. I may need support on parts where we traded quid pro quo."

Silence- "I'd better call back later."

I said, "Doctor Burroughs, you want to talk privately with your wife; I will get out. But please understand that social bathing is as commonplace on my world as offering a friend a drink is on yours. I am here because the Commodore invited me and I assure you she is quite unharmed."

Burroughs replied in a pained voice, "I know that custom and have utter faith in Hilda's social judgment. Yes, I do need to speak to her....ut I don't mean to be surly. I'll come up, or down, or across, and say hello. Please don't leave before I get there. I'll ask my way."

"Dora will show you. Step into the corridor and wait. She'll find you."

"Very well, sir."

"Dora, special."

"Yes, Pappy?"

"Find Professor Burroughs. Lead him here. By the longest route. Slow march."

"Aye aye, Pappy."

I said hurriedly to Hilda, "I may know what this is; let me check. Lib?"

"Yes, Lazarus?"

"Are you alone?"

"In my stateroom alone. And lonely." Lib added, "And upset."

"So? Did you put the question to Professor Burroughs?"

"Yes. Lazarus, I had perfect opportunity. The one place Dora can't see or hear. Inside Gay Deceiver's space warp and-"

"Chop it, Lib! Did he turn you down?"

"No. But he didn't say Yes. He's gone to discuss it with his wife. That's why I'm jittery."

"Turn on the soother. I'll call you back. Off."

Hilda asked, "What's the matter with Elizabeth?"

"I'll make it short as even the longest route can't take long. Lib is terribly anxious to have a child by the mathematician-your husband-who formulated the equations for six-dimensional positively-curved space. She thinks- and so do I-that they might produce a mathematician equal to, or even greater, than Lib or your husband. But she should have let Ishtar arrange it. She jumped the gun; I don't know why-"

"I do! Elizabeth!"

Lib was slow in answering. "This is Elizabeth Long."

"Hilda Burroughs here. Elizabeth, you come straight here. Flag cabin."

"Commodore, are you angry with me? I meant no harm."

"Dear, dear! You come to Mama Burroughs' arms and let me pet you and tell you that you're a good girl. Now! How far away are you?"

"Just around the curve. A few meters."

"Drop everything and hurry. Lazarus and I are in the 'fresher. In the pool. Come join us."

"Uh, all right."

"Hurry!"

Hilda asked, "How do I let them in? Run dripping and do it by hand? I noticed that our door lets anyone out but can't be opened from the outside without help." She added, "For that matter how do I get back in?"

"Dora knows you belong here. For the rest- Dora, admit Libby Long and Professor Burroughs."

"Aye aye, Pappy. Lib-here she comes. Dr. Jacob Burroughs I'm fetching. How soon?"

Hilda said, "Two minutes."

Lib hurried in, still unsmiling. Did smile when Hilda put her arms around her, smiled and cried at the same time. I heard Hilda crooning, "There, there, dear! It's a wonderful idea; she'll be the world's greatest mathematician. A cute baby-something like Deety, something like you. Jacob! In here, darling! If you are wearing anything, chuck it; we're in the pool."

Seconds later the pool was filled to its rated capacity, Hilda with arms around both of them-kissed her husband, kissed Lib, said sternly to them, "Stop looking as if you were at a funeral! Jacob, this is what Jane would want-and it is what I want. Elizabeth, you aren't crowding me out; I'm pregnant now. I'll have my baby six weeks before you have yours. I've decided to ask Doctor Lafe Hubert to deliver my baby. Who are-"

'Hilda! I haven't delivered a baby for over a century."

"You have seven months in which to brush up. Doctor Lafe, are you refusing to attend me?"

"No, but- Jake, if Hilda will have her baby at the Clinic on Tertius, she will be in the hands of the most skilled obstetricians in this universe. Which I am not. I'm rusty. I-"

"Doctor, I think Hilda would settle for your holding her hand and standing by to help if needed. I think my daughter would like that, too. She may have her baby the same day as Hilda."

"Sir, I will be honored. But I want to say something about this proposed baby, a cross between two all-time great mathematicians. I know that your world places value on monogamy. Howards do not; they can't. But this need not violate your values. If you will make a deposit at the sperm bank at-"

'What?" Hilda Burroughs looked shocked. "Lazarus, are you talking about syringes and things like that. Done to Elizabeth?"

"Why, yes, I-"

She chopped me off. "Babies are not made with syringes! Babies are made with love! With little moans of happiness between two people who know exactly what they are doing and want to do it. Elizabeth, are you fertile today?"

"I should be. It's time."

"Then kiss me and tell me you want to do this. If you do."

"Oh, I do, very much!"

There were kisses and tears all around. I got pulled into it, found myself kissing the prospective father. I gave him a chance to duck but he didn't.

Our busy little stranger was still playing ringmaster. "Lazarus, what is that guest room across the cabin? Pastel colors?"

"Aurora Room."

"Beloved husband, wrap a towel around this sweet, frightened child, take her there, lock the door behind you and make her happy. This suite is the only totally private place in this ship. If I lay eyes on either of you in less than one hour, I shall burst into tears. That doesn't mean you can't stay longer. I hope that you will come to dinner... but you are welcome to Aurora Room after dinner. Sweetheart, you must give her at least one chance each of the next three days; a woman's timing can vary from her norm. Now git! Pick her up and carry her."

Lib wouldn't let Jake carry her. But she leaned into his arm. As they left the 'fresher, she looked back with a happy smile and threw us a kiss.

Hilda caught it and ate it. Then she said to me, "Help me out, please, dear."

I lifted her out, sat her on the edge, climbed out myself. She patted the padded deck, said, "I think this is better than that chaise longue. If we happen to be caught it wouldn't embarrass me and should not embarrass you; in these circumstances Jacob would be relieved rather than upset." She smiled, eased her sweet thighs, put up her arms. "Now?"

"Yes!"

"Anything you want, including back rubs. Lazarus, does it excite you knowing what is going on a few meters away? It does me!"

"Yes! But I don't need it-Hilda, you're superb!"