Robert Asprin - Myth-Fortunes

Bunny and Tananda had taken it upon themselves to continue to offer me further dating lessons whenever I came back to headquarters. "If a girl runs into you once, it's chance," Bunny had said. "Twice is deliberate."

"Oh, hi," I said, swallowing my shock. I realized that the spray the merchant had doused me with must have dispelled my disguise. I put my hand up against the wall and leaned against it, hoping I looked nonchalant. "I was just . . . yes, I thought I'd come back here for lunch. What a coincidence to run into you! Have you eaten? May I join you?"

"Why not? This is a good place to watch people." Matt led me to a narrow table up against a stone wall. My-Nah dropped off two bowls of food. I took a big spoonful. "The sellers of magikal texts are that way," she added conversationally, tilting her head toward the end of the alley. "But you know that already, don't you?"

I choked, spraying out my mouthful. The sacred cats underneath the table protested at the rain of green and brown granules. I hastily employed magik to remove the detritus. The cats were cleaned, but not amused. Matt went on as if I had not reacted.

"My employer is over there, examining a book on exotic plants. The last time I came this way to pick up a purchase that Diksen had ordered, they were most excited to tell me that a foreign magician had made inquiries of them, and did Diksen have any books or scrolls on placating the Ancients that he might choose to sell?"

"You don't say," I managed to sputter out. I kept my nose in my bowl. Matt ate with ladylike half-spoonfuls.

She smiled at me indulgently. "Oh, yes. They were eager to make a commission. It seemed to be most interesting that you want the very thing that would solve your problem."

"Matt, I . . . "

She twitched her fingertip at me, and the plumes on her head bobbed. "Go on, eat your lunch. People are

watching."

I picked up my spoon, then dropped it again as Diksen appeared at the end of the food booths. Hastily, I reassumed my fish-faced disguise. I expected him to have a bundle under his arm, but he didn't. He glanced toward me with little interest, but only addressed Matt.

"Stop upstairs . . . dictation . . . association meeting. Oh, buy sweets . . . mother."

"Of course, sir," Matt said.

She pulled a feather from the top of her head and made a couple of notes on a parchment roll she took from her belt pouch. Reading upside down, I saw her make a glyph of a feather with an open mouth over it, and a picture of a Ghord with the kind of swollen face I associated with toothache. Diksen gave me a rough nod and started walking again.

"I had better go," she said. "Good luck. I won't tell him I saw you."

She smiled at me and followed her boss. I began to think she must really like me.

I didn't dare return to my place of concealment in the desert the rest of that day, knowing that Matt almost certainly knew I was out there. I was afraid that wittingly or unwittingly she might draw Diksen's attention to me. Instead, I left a Camel on duty with instructions to send me a glyph if Diksen emerged again.

I returned to the office. Samwise was seeing out a party of Gargoyles who obviously enjoyed their tour of the site.

"Matching corners will be no problem as long as you don't mind waiting for Phase Two," the Imp said, his arm around the wings of the granite-jawed male. He clutched a set of contracts to him with the kind of gleeful possessiveness that assured me they were signed. "It'll be just like looming over your favorite cathedral. Thanks for dropping by! Visit us any time. I'll be happy to see you."

I dragged him aside as soon as the Gargoyles had left. "How can you keep selling spots in these buildings knowing what could happen to those people?"

"I have faith in you," Samwise said. "I said to myself, it can't be too bad if M.Y.T.H., Inc., is still on the job. I know you'll get it all fixed up. My expenses don't stop just because

you discovered the problem—and isn't that why I hired you in the first place? You'll make it better, and I can go on just as I planned." He slapped me on the back.

Gurn's cryptic statement that we should get Diksen 'involved' with the pyramid project left my mind a blank, but some of my partners had come up with creative ideas.

"It's obvious," Aahz had said. "If we manage to spread the curse back to him, he'll have to take it off."

Nunzio had made a suggestion that I was about to put into operation. If anyone who bought a tomb from Samwise was afflicted with the curse, then if we could get Diksen to accept one, he'd be cursed, too. Of course, we couldn't expect him to pay us for it, so it would have to be a gift. Samwise protested at

offering up one of his prime locations for nothing, but I pointed out to him that he could end up with nothing. If Diksen felt like he was part of the project, he might be inclined to think more kindly of it. Either way, I doubted we could lose.

I had the deed etched onto a handsome slab of red marble, with the location picked out in gold, and a full sales brochure scribed onto the back.

"Now, I need a volunteer," I said, addressing the Ghord carvers at the water jug. "All you have to do is take this slab to Diksen. I'll supply transportation. Make sure you hand it to him personally."

Lol-Kit peered at me sideways. "It sounds dangerous. Why don't you take it to him?" she asked.

"It's a gesture of goodwill," I said. "I don't want it to carry more weight than just a simple gift. If I brought it, I might make him feel obligated, and that's not what we want. Right, Samwise?"

The Imp gulped nervously. "Right. Right, of course! It's just a present."

I could tell that most of the scribes were scared witless at the thought of confronting the magician. To my surprise Pe-Kid, the green-faced Ghord, raised his hand.

"I'll do it," he said. "Maybe I can get a tour of that white pyramid."

"Idiot!" Lol-Kit said, shaking her head.

Before he could change his mind, I walked Pe-Kid down to the pier where Balu, our volunteer Camel was waiting. I saw them off, and hoped for the best. Either Diksen would accept it as a gift, or we'd manage to infest him with the curse. Either reaction should get the result we hoped for.

Unfortunately, we didn't have long to wait for the response. I heard the yell before I could see where it was coming from.

"Aaaaaa— AAAAAAGGGGGH!"

I looked up in time to see a figure hurtling down on me from the sky. I reached out with a net of magik, and intercepted Pe-Kid before he smashed into the ground. He landed on top of me. He got up and danced around in a circle, beating at the back of his kilt. It was on fire.

"Good will?" he sputtered. "He threw me out! With extreme prejudice!"

"Gee, I'm sorry," I said, sincerely. "I never guessed that Diksen would attack a messenger. Uh, where's the deed?"

Huffily, Pe-Kid held up a fist. He opened it, and red sand sifted down onto the flagstones. He stalked away without another word.

So the direct approach wasn't going to work. Subtler means were needed.

I tried leaving an interesting-looking document on the scroll-sellers' wagon with a deed to a slab written in small print in the corner. A passing thief picked it up and stuffed it into the front of his tunic. He was run over by a wagon full of cabbages at the next intersection.

I remembered from my shortened lunch with Matt that Diksen's mother liked sweets. I sought out the merchant that she favored, and had them send a box of the best dried fruits to the sphere. That afternoon, I watched them fall out of the bottom of the ball of water like a rain of pruny hailstones. They dropped into the sand, never to be seen again.