John Scalzi - The Android's Dream

"For another thing!" Quua-win-Getag said, a little breathlessly. "The entity was genetically engineered from previously known species. Every previously known new sentient species occurred through the natural processes of evolution and not from previously known species."

"Meaning?" Judge Sn prompted.

"Meaning that genetically engineered entities are not selected for speciation by the processes of evolution," Quua-win-Getag said. "Therefore they cannot be considered true species. The entity is a one-off, unlikely to be reproduced. If she is not truly a new species and the UNE stipulates that she is not human, then legally speaking, she is livestock. And as her species of sheep is already well-known and its characteristics well-noted, the question of her sentience becomes a moot point. She is, legally, Nidu property."

"Fascinating," Judge Sn. "You're so ready to ignore the fact she's obviously sentient."

"It's not my fault the UNE has stipulated she's not human," Quua-win-Getag said. "Everything follows from its capitulation on that point of fact."

"Counselor Javna," Judge Sn said. "You're up."

Javna smiled. Quua-win-Getag didn't know it, but he'd just maneuvered the case right where Javna wanted it. "Your honor, we grant that all previous examples of sentient species occurred through the natural processes of evolution. But rather than suggest that this limits your honor to rulings based on previous standards, allow me to suggest that this offers another option."

"Which is?" said Judge Sn. "To make new law," Javna said.

Judge Sn's antennae shot straight up. "What did you say, counselor?" Judge Sn asked.

"Make new law, your honor," Javna said. "The question of the disposition of artificially created sentient species has never come up before in the history of the Common Confederation. Agnach-u v. Ar-Thaneg came close but the ruling didn't address issues related to sentience, merely property. This is virgin territory, your honor, and an issue that goes straight to the heart of the mission of the Common Confederation. Indeed, your honor, there may be no more important issue."

Judge Sn sat there, stock still, for nearly a full minute, mouthpieces moving in tiny little circles. Javna glanced over at Quua-win-Getag, who stared straight ahead at the judge. Javna could hear him grinding his teeth. He knew he'd been outmaneuvered by his human counterpart, who had dangled in front of the judge the one thing that would be utterly irresistible: The opportunity to make new law. In a legal system tens of thousands of years old, there was almost nothing new in the law, merely ever-more-finely parsed restatings of the law as it existed. Offering an ambitious judge the chance to make new law—indeed create an entire new branch off the tree of law—and thus win instant fame and glory in the CC judicial circles was like offering a lamed baby ibex to a starving leopard.

"Okay, I'm ready to rule," Judge Sn said.

"I hope your honor will not take this opportunity to overstep the parameters of your responsibilities," Quua-win-Getag said.

"Excuse me?" Judge Sn said. "You show up in my courtroom with a petition to turn a citizen of a member of the Common Confederation into a meat animal, and you warn me about overreaching? Good fucking gravy. You're in contempt, counselor. You can pay your thousand CC credits on the way out the door. Now shut the hell up. You're the dipshit who brought the suit and demanded it get ruled on today, so now you're going to get a ruling."

"Yes, your honor," Quua-win-Getag said. "My apologies." Javna tried very hard not to smile.

"Damn right," Judge Sn said. "First, regarding the nature of Miss Robin Baker, the court finds that she does, in fact, represent an entirely new species of sentient being. How this species came into being is irrelevant in light of the fact that it is sentient, and as such has sovereign protections under the Common Confederation charter. Likewise as an individual Miss Baker is afforded certain protections under the CC charter.

"As the UNE has disavowed claim to Miss Baker as a citizen, the Nidu suit to have her citizenship revoked is moot and therefore dismissed. As Miss Baker is sovereign, the Nidu suit to compel the UNE to produce Miss Baker is likewise dismissed. I'll also note, Counselor win-Getag, that if Nidu further attempts to breach its treaties with the UNE on this issue, it will be held to be the defaulting party and as such will be subject to penalties, both financial and diplomatic. If the Nidu want a war with the Earth, you're not getting any cover for it from the CC. Are we clear on this, Counselor?"

"Yes, your honor," Quua-win-Getag said.

"Good," Judge Sn said. "Then we're done here. The ruling will be published on the court's site within the hour."

"You will have our appeal by the end of the day," Quua-win-Getag said.

"Of course I will," said Judge Sn. "I'd be deeply disappointed if I didn't. Now get out. Making new law has made me hungry. I'm going to get a snack." He exited to find the court's vending machines.

"Very tricky, counselor," Quua-win-Getag said, after Judge Sn left. "Although I don't expect the ruling to make it past appeal."

Javna shrugged. "Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But by that time, this little crisis of ours is going to be resolved one way or another."

"Indeed," Quua-win-Getag said. "Still, I'd like to know how you came up with that line of reasoning."

"You can thank a rabbi," Javna said. "And a hot dog."

On the Neverland, Chuck Gracie sat on his bunk, flipping through pictures in his camera while Evelyn dozed beside him. Most of the pictures were of Evelyn or Evelyn and Gracie together while Gracie held out the camera at arm's length. Chuck Gracie was one of those people who was of the opinion there was nothing wrong with any scenery that the presence of himself, his wife, or both couldn't fix. Unfortunately, this fetish made it difficult to find suitable pictures for the regiment newsletter; after previous experiences with Gracie as photo journalist, Dale Turley, the editor of the newsletter, gently suggested to Gracie that he should submit more pictures that didn't have so much of that Chuck Gracie feel to them.

Here we go, Gracie thought. He'd just clicked on to the picture from the dinner table. True, Gracie was in it, but he was flanked by six other people, plus Hiroki and his fiancee over there in the corner. As an overall percentage, the picture was just 11% Chuck Gracie, which he figured was an acceptable amount for Turley (or Turdley, as Gracie mentally thought of him since the initial "less Gracie" photographic suggestion). Gracie transferred the picture to his communicator, typed a note identifying the people in the picture, and sent both off. Grade's communicator synced with the Neverland's internal network; the network dropped the note and picture into the final burst of data sent out by the Neverland prior to its jump into n-space and thence to Caledonia colony.

About an hour later, the picture and text dropped into the mail queue of Dale Turley, who was putting the finishing touches on this week's regiment newsletter. Dale opened the mail and, pleased that the overall Chuck Gracie ratio in the picture was indeed low, slapped it into the newsletter at the bottom, typed in the names and location for the picture caption, and then dropped the newsletter into the distribution queue. There it would be printed out for current members of the regiment at their various bases across the U.S., and distributed in electronic form to former and/or veteran members of the 75th Ranger regiment, a host of several thousand ex-rangers, including one Rod Acuna.

"Fuck me running," Acuna said to himself, as the newsletter and the picture popped up on his communicator. He cleared the newsletter from his communicator screen and punched in Jean Schroeder's access code. Their lost lamb had been found.