John Scalzi - The Android's Dream

Robin looked out at the stars. "What am I looking for?"

Every star in the sky suddenly twitched and smeared, as if each had been a sphere of iridescent and incandescent paint suddenly pressed into two dimensions by a universally large pane of glass. The light from each flattened sphere swirled with the light of the others, dancing prismatically and producing unexpected streaks of color until the whole sky settled into flat gray that nevertheless seemed to seethe and threaten to erupt with another show of pigment and flash.

"Oh. Wow," Robin said.

"That's what everybody says," Creek said.

"There's a reason for that," Robin said.

"Well, not everybody," Creek said. "Some species don't have color perception like we do. Some races of the CC don't even see."

"That's a shame," Robin said. "They're missing out. Sometimes it's good to be human."

Judge Bufan Nigun Sn yanked at one of his antennae as if in irritation, spidered his legs around his stool, set his cup of coffee on his desk, and pulled out his communicator module from a drawer. "Being we're on Earth, we'll have this conversation in English," the module said, lowering the high-pitched scrapings coming from Sn's mouthparts into the human and Nidu sonic range. "Does the Nidu representative have a problem with this?"

"Not at all," said Quua-win-Getag, General Counsel for Nidu's embassy to the United Nations of Earth.

"And I assume you're fine with it, Mr. Javna," Judge Sn said.

"Yes, your honor," Ben Javna said.

"Good," Sn said. "Given the extraordinary time constraints involved in this case, I have agreed to this in camera session and will render a decision by the end of this session. While the decision can of course be appealed to a high court, the ruling will not be suspended pending appeal. So this means if you're not happy with the ruling, you're shit out of luck. Are we clear?" Both Quua-win-Getag and Javna consented.

"Fine," Sn said. "And now, Counselor win-Getag, you can explain your government's damn fool line of reasoning that says a human citizen of the UNE is somehow equivalent to livestock."

Quua-win-Getag launched into a recap of his government's legal argument while Judge Sn took the lid off his coffee, descended his sucking mouthpiece into the cup, and sipped gingerly. Javna wasn't a knowledgeable student of the Wryg, the species to which Judge Sn belonged; nevertheless he suspected Sn was probably more than a little hung over, which explained why he was snippier today than the average Wryg.

"Fine, fine, fine," Judge Sn eventually said, as Quua-win-Getag began to rehash the particulars of Agnach-u v. Ar-Thaneg for the second time. "I get where you're going with this. Very innovative, counselor. Amoral and repugnant, but innovative."

"Thank you, your honor," Quua-win-Getag said.

Judge Sn glanced over to Javna. "Tell me you've got something to counter this crap," he said.

"Actually," Javna said, "the UNE would like to stipulate the Nidu assertion that Miss Baker is not human, nor a citizen of the UNE."

"What?" said Judge Sn.

"What?" said Quua-win-Getag.

"The UNE stipulates that Miss Baker is not human, nor a citizen of the UNE," Javna said.

"You've got to be kidding," said Judge Sn. "I've never been a big fan of the human race, if you want the truth about it. You people have your heads up your asses most of the time. Even so, your one saving grace is that you fight like mad for the rights of your own people. If this represents the true thought of your government, this planet is more of a toilet than I thought it was. You'd be insane to give up a citizen to these lizards."

"On behalf of my government, I protest those comments," Quua-win-Getag said.

"Quiet, you," Judge Sn said to Quua-win-Getag, then turned his attention back to Javna. "Well?"

"I appreciate your candor in your opinion of the human race," Javna said. "Nevertheless, the UNE stipulates."

"Well, that's just great," said Judge Sn. "Remind me to get working on that request for a new posting as soon as you two clear out of my office."

"If the UNE stipulates our points, then the entity is indeed our property, and the UNE must present it to us at the earliest opportunity," Quua-win-Getag said, to Judge Sn. "Nidu asks you to rule such."

"And I assume you're perfectly fine with that, too," Judge Sn said to Javna.

"We are not," Javna said. "And in fact we request that you dismiss the case on the grounds that the Nidu have no standing to bring the suit in the first place."

"That's ridiculous," Quua-win-Getag said. "The UNE already stipulated that the entity is Nidu property."

"We stipulated that she is not human and not a UNE citizen," Javna said. "Which is not the same as saying she's your property."

"I'm getting a headache," Judge Sn said. "Explain yourself, counselor. Be quick and clear."

"There's no point arguing that Miss Baker is human. She's not—she's a hybrid entity and an entirely new species," Javna said. "But she's more than a new species, she's a new sentient species. The Common Confederation automatically confers special rights on the individuals of newly discovered sentient species to protect them from exploitation by other races. It's one of the fundamental tenets of the Common Confederation, and in the Confederation's charter, which every nation must agree to upon entering the CC. Furthermore, the Common Confederation holds each sentient species en masse to be sovereign—again, to prevent their exploitation by other races. It's up to the chosen governments of those species to enter into treaties and agreements on behalf of its people. This is all well established."

"Go on," Judge Sn said.

"Given these facts, Miss Baker's rights as a new sentient species tramp Nidu's claim to her as property," Javna said. "Likewise, any treaties that the Earth may have entered into with Nidu are irrelevant regarding the disposition of Miss Baker. She is de facto the governing body of her species, sovereign into her own self, and therefore only she is able to enter into treaties and agreements concerning herself. The UNE recognizes this and relinquishes any claim it has regarding citizenship pending Miss Baker's own decision to ally her nation to ours. As Miss Baker is sovereign, Nidu has no standing to demand the UNE present her. As Miss Baker is a new sentient species, Nidu has no standing to claim her as property. Basically, Nidu has no standing to bring these suits."

Judge Sn turned to Quua-win-Getag. "And what do you say to that, counselor?"

Quua-win-Getag blinked hard; he had expected and prepared for Javna to fight for Baker's citizenship; he was entirely taken aback by this legal tack. "It's an interesting theory," Quua-win-Getag said, drawing out his words for effect and to give himself more time to think. "But it's not proven that the entity is in fact an entirely new sentient species."

"Really, now," Judge Sn said. "Which part are you disputing? The 'sentient' part or the 'species' part?"

"Both," Quua-win-Getag said. "Neither has been proven."

"Oh, come on," Javna said. "Miss Baker attended college and owns her own business. I'm pretty sure that qualifies her as sentient."

"Agreed," Judge Sn said. "And as for the species part, Counselor win-Getag, your colleague here has already stipulated your own assertion that Miss Baker is not human. In order for her not to be a new species, I think you would have to assert she is entirely livestock. I don't think even the Nidu are prepared to go that far."

"It may not have all the hallmarks of speciation," Quua-win-Getag said, thinking furiously now. "Species have to be able to pass on their characteristics to their offspring, and it's not been proven the entity can do that."

"Are you suggesting we knock up the young lady to prove her status?" said Judge Sn. "I don't think we have the time for that."