Jack Vance - The Five Gold Bands

Paddy looked at Fay earnestly. "This is Mary's own truth now I'm telling you and as I'm Patrick Delorcy Blackthorn I've been here before and I know the country. You won't believe it when you see oranges growing on vines and them as big as pumpkins.

"And they grow a wheat that comes in heads the size of my foot, low to the ground, with a pair of leaves like lilypads. They've got grapes now with a brittle end that you knock off and a gallon of wine pours out. They're marvelous good botanists, these Badaus."

Fay was studying the chart. "There's Slettevold-that's the largest city. A clearing-house for export and import, it says. We could land there and maybe have our boat vapor-plated. A nice dull green instead of this gunmetal. I don't think we'd be conspicuous."

Paddy squinted down at the wide bright face of Badau. "There's such a lather of little boats flipping in and out of here that an Earther would hardly believe it, not knowing the secrets of Langtry's sons. One little space-boat the more or the less will hardly be looked at."

"They might think it strange for Earthers to own a space-boat. Not many do. Mostly they come by the passenger packets."

Paddy rubbed his chin. "If we land at Outer Slett Field about dusk-there's no control or examination there-we should be able to walk into Slettevold without question."

"It's about dusk now at Slettevold," said Fay. "There's the field so let's set down before they send a warhead up after us."

Outer Slett Field lay behind the warehouses and packing sheds which lined the main field. It was a wide irregular space, undeveloped, used by private owners, small traders. There was no control tower, no radar beam, and when Paddy and Fay climbed out into the warm dusk no eye turned to look after them.

Paddy took a few steps, turned to watch Fay walking toward him-slowly as if she were wearing a heavy knapsack. He grinned.

"Bed will be the finest thing you ever felt, young lady. Your knees will be like oiled hinges and your feet will ache as if they'd been trod by a horse. But in a day or so you'll not notice so much. And if you stayed here a while your neck would swell and your sons would grow up short and tough and rubbery and your grandsons would be Hunks as coarse and ugly as the best of 'em."

Fay sniffed. "Not if I have the picking, as I intend, of their father." She stared around the luminous blue-green sky. "Where's the town from here, Mr. Baedeker?"

Paddy gestured toward a grove of low heavy-trunked trees at the edge of the field. "If memory serves me there's a tube station in this direction. It'll take us to the heart of the town."

Painfully they walked to the concrete ramp which led down to a pair of metal doors. Paddy pressed twice. A moment later the doors snapped back and they entered a little car with two seats.

The doors slid shut, there was a sense of rapid motion. A moment later the doors opened to the sounds of the city. Fay looked at Paddy. "Free? Doesn't someone make us pay?"

Paddy said, "All the utilities were put in by the Langtry family. They're so wealthy that they don't need our miserly coins. Noblesse oblige. We're on the biggest family estate in the universe."

They stepped out on a broad street lined with low heavy buildings, all with plate-glass fronts on the lower levels. Fay read a legend on the portico of a long arcade. " 'Slettevold Inn'-that sounds good. Let's get ourselves a bath and some fresh food."

"Hah!" Paddy laughed. "That's not for the likes of us, young lady. We're Earthers. They'd not let us past the doors."

Fay stared incredulously. "Do you mean that they wouldn't serve us merely because we're-"

Paddy nodded. "That's right. The Earther keeps his place on Badau."

Fay turned away. "I'm too tired to argue. Let's go to the Earther hotel."

The Kamboroglan Arrowhead? The desk-clerk, a sour-visaged Badau, told them it was a resort on the shores of the Iath Lake. To Fay's diffident inquiry he smirked wryly.

"Earthers at the Kamborogian? They'd as soon serve a run of lard-legs. You must understand the quality of Badau take their pleasure at the Kamborogian. It's where the Son himself goes. Everything must be quiet and elegant."

Paddy nodded. "Ah-then we miserable Earthers would be out of place indeed."

Fay asked desperately, "Don't Earthers go there at all?"

"Only as scullions or entertainers. The Ryeville Ramblers, a trio of acrobats, just returned from an engagement and were well satisfied with their treatment."

"Hmm." Paddy rubbed his chin. "How does one get these engagements?"

The clerk turned away. "Oh-through the amusement syndic, I suppose."

Paddy turned to Fay. "Now young lady, can you dance, sing, mimic, eat fire or turn handsprings?"

Fay said, "I'm no acrobat, not in this gravity. I suppose I could play a comb or recite Gunga Din with gestures."

"I'm a magician," said Paddy. "I perform card tricks that'll mystify them, especially if they're drunk as they're apt to be. We'll be the finest act ever brought on the floor. At least we'll be allowed on the premises."

The Kamborogian Arrowhead was a block of concrete five stories high and a quarter mile long, ornamented with a profusion of gold quincunxes, quatrefoils, fleurs-de-lis. Alternate sections were stained pink and light green and the overhanging pediment was light blue.

Iath Lake, rippling, twinkling very swiftly to the strong gravity, half encircled the building and the formal gardens. Beyond, the land fell away in a vast sweep of rolling turf up to a mile-high cliff, running horizon to horizon.

The air of wealth and opulence clung to the hotel. It glistened with crystal panes and bright metal. The canopies glowed like satin. Oval shell-like pleasure boats rode the lake, moving under small square sails.

Paddy and Fay discreetly went to the rear, entered a waiting room, stated their business to a tired-looking Asmasian porter, who brought them to the Chief Steward in a brightly lit office.

The Chief Steward was short and fat even for a Badau. His jowls hung like the wattles on a chicken. His eyes were deep-set and clever.

Paddy said, "The gentleman at the Amusement Syndicate sent us up here to see you. We're Black and Black, Entertainers Extraordinary."

The steward looked them up, down, ran his eyes over Fay's figure. Like some of the other planetary races the Badaus found Earther women attractive. "Did not the Syndic give you a card for me?"

"Ah, we lost it," said Paddy. "The wind blew it clean out of my hands and away in a twinkling. However the Syndic was much pleased with us and said to say a kind word to you for him."

"What do you do?"

"I'm a magician," said Paddy. "I'm an accomplished prestidigitator and objects come and go at my command. I change water into purple vapor and then to a swarm of frogs and they melt into a big flash of light. But my specialty is with the cards. I make the ace of spades jump out of the deck and bow from the waist, and there's a trick I know with the kings and queens that'll have 'em giggling for months to come.

"Then there's my wife here. She's the cleverest thing alive. She's great. She'll have them agog with their eyes so you could knock them off with sticks. Sure, they'll clap your back for giving them such rare enjoyment."

The steward blinked. "Well-the listing is complete. I'll give you a try and if you're as good as you say I'll let another team go that's not doing so well."

"Good," said Paddy. "A chance is all we want. We'll be sleeping in the hotel tonight then?"

"Yes, this way. I'll show you to the entertainers' barracks. I'll have to separate you."

"Ah, no!" cried Paddy.

"Sorry-it's the rules of the establishment."

Paddy found himself in a long hall, lined with tubs full of sleep-foam and small closets opposite. The steward assigned him a section and said, "You will be fed from a chow cart in half an hour. When it's time for your act, about the fourteenth phase, you will be summoned.