David Gerrold: When HARLIE Was One

Auberson poked him. “Tell them more than that.”

“Uh, most of the work was done at an IBM Portable Terminal connected to a phone line which HARLIE had access to. He and I discussed the theory for several days; I have all the tapes and printouts to prove this — plus the phone bill. We worked out the equations together; I postulated the initial hypotheses, and HARLIE put them into mathematical terms and worked out the ramifications. Without HARLIE, it might have taken me several years, working alone. Using him as a co-worker and colleague shortened the time down to nothing. With HARLIE, you only have to explain the problem to him to get him working on it. Of course, that’s all you have to do with any computer, but HARLIE understands plain English, and he can talk the problem over with you.

“To be quite honest, working with a machine like HARLIE is an experience that I can’t compare with anything else. It’s like having a talking encyclopedia, an eight-armed secretary, and a mirror, all in one. Even if you don’t know how to break the problem down into solvable pieces, HARLIE does. He’s the perfect laboratory tool, and he’s a great assistant. Hell, he’s a scientist in his own right.” Krofft sat down.

There was a strained silence around the table, as if no one knew what to say. Elzer was sunk low in his chair and staring at his fingernails. Auberson was thinking, They’re going to find it awfully hard to vote against him now .

Dome pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Well, Dr. Krofft. Thank you. Thank you very much. We appreciate your coming down here today. Uh, I would like to ask you one favor more — The HARLIE project has been kept secret for some time, and uh, we’re still not quite ready to publicize it—”

Auberson and Handley exchanged a glance. What the hell—?

Krofft was saying, “Oh, I understand. Yes, I won’t mention HARLIE to anyone.”

“Fine, fine. Um—” Dome looked momentarily at a loss. “If you want to leave now, Dr. Krofft—”

“I’d rather not,” said Krofft. “As the second largest stockholder of Stellar-American shares, I think I have the right to sit in on this meeting.”

“Yes, well — there’s only one matter left to take care of, and that’s the vote. Uh, Carl, did you want to say something before we…” He trailed off.

Elzer didn’t look well. He levered himself up in his seat. “I—” He was suddenly aware of Auberson’s curious stare and broke off. He mumbled, “I was only concerned about HARLIE’s validity, and this seems to confirm it. I don’t have anything else to say — uh, I still have some personal doubts about the G.O.D. Proposal, but uh, they’re personal. I — oh, never mind.” He sank down again in his chair.

Auberson stared, totally confused. He leaned toward Handley. “Do you know what’s going on?”

“Uh uh — not unless someone slipped him a mickey.” Dome looked around the table. “Well, then, if there’s no further discussion, let’s bring it to a vote.” He glanced at a note before him, then said, “I’d like to add a comment of my own here… I think that both Auberson and Handley, and also HARLIE, have done fine jobs on this proposal. Ah, I think they deserve a vote of thanks and perhaps, ah, a handsome bonus for their work on this theoretical problem. We have, ah, proved that HARLIE is a worthwhile tool. He can be used for designing new projects, or just for working out scientific theories; he’s demonstrated a range of abilities all the way from the theoretical to the technical, and he’s more than proven his value.

“For that reason, I would like to separate the two issues here into two votes. We know that we want to keep HARLIE on our corporate team. However, this, ah, G.O.D. Proposal is something we all want to take a little better look at.”

Handley whispered to Auberson, “Watch out, here it comes.”

“While the proposal is not in itself ill-conceived, the monetary picture for this company is simply not such that we can embark on a program of this scale at this time. Therefore, I want to recommend that we—”

Krofft stood up. “Hold on a minute, there—”

“I — I beg your pardon?”

“Mr. Chairman, you are not playing fair!”

“I don’t understand what you—”

“You know damn well what I mean, you mealy-mouthed oaf! Stop changing the rules of the game to suit yourself; it ain’t fair to the other players. You started this clambake with a single proposition on the table. Let’s play it that way: Either HARLIE’s worth his resistors and the G.O.D. is practical, or HARLIE isn’t worth the trouble to scrap him and the G.O.D. is a waste of time. The stakes were all or nothing.”

“I — I—” said Dome.

“Shut up! I’m not through. Now that Auberson here has proven his point, proven that his computer can jump through your hoops, you’re still trying to cut the rug out from under him—”

“It’s just a simple parliamentary procedure,” said Dome. “Dividing the question; it’s perfectly legal—”

“Sure it’s legal,” said Krofft, “but it ain’t ethical. If we weren’t playing with your marbles, I’d say pick up and leave. You told Auberson it was an all-or-nothing game. Why aren’t you willing to stick by your own rules?”

Dome opened his mouth to speak, gasped like a fish out of water. Auberson stared at the both of them. It was almost too good to be true!

Dome regained some of his composure, then said, “This is a business corporation. We don’t gamble with all-or-nothing stakes.”

“That’s funny,” said Krofft. “It sure looked like it from where I sit. Would you like to trade places with me? Let me see if it looks any different from up there?”

“Huh?”

“Lessee, the next scheduled election of Directors ought to be in March, but I’ll bet they’d move it up for me if I asked. How many chairs around this table do you think twenty-four percent is worth?”

Dome swallowed loudly. “I — I can’t rightly say.”

“I can. At least one-fourth. That’s at least six seats. Hmm, and I think I know where I can scare up one or two more in addition to that—”

Handley whispered to Auberson, “What’s this all about?”

“It’s a one-man stockholders’ rebellion. Krofft owns twenty-four percent of Stellar-American. We’re a subsidiary of Stellar; that makes him twenty-four percent owner of us.”

“Yeah, but twenty-four percent isn’t a majority.”

“Shh! Maybe Dome doesn’t know that.”

Krofft was saying, “—when I invented the hyper-state process, I traded the patent on it to Stellar-American for a chunk of their stock. Plus options to buy more. You’d better believe Stellar was a small company then. Now it’s a big company, and I see a lot of fat-assed baboons shepherding my dollar bills around their tables.

“Idiots! I don’t care if that’s how you get your jollies — just don’t forget whose dollars those are. If it weren’t for my hyper-state layering techniques, there wouldn’t be any company here at all. And don’t think I can’t take back my patent. I can pull the rug out from under all of you! The deal was that the company gets the patent, I get unlimited research facilities. Up till now, it’s worked fine. All of a sudden you chuckleheads are trying to deprive me of one of my research tools. That makes me unhappy — what makes me unhappy, makes the company unhappy. I need HARLIE. Period. HARLIE says he needs the G.O.D. He says it’s the other half of him. He says he won’t really be complete until it’s finished. He says it’ll make him a more valuable scientific tool. And he says if his financing proposals are followed, the company will be able to afford it. That’s all I need to know.