David Gerrold - When HARLIE Was One

“Stop chewing on your thumb,” she said. “It makes you mumble.”

He took his hand away from his mouth and stared at it as if he’d never seen it before. “Sorry,” he said. He started to chew on his thumb again, then caught himself. Deliberately, he put his hands in his pockets. “Actually, that was what he had done, so I wasn’t lying. The only falsehood was that I hadn’t authorized it. And even that can be argued. Apparently, HARLIE had interpreted something I’d said Friday as a go-ahead. I wish I’d known. What do you think that trouble was you were having with your annual reports?”

“Why it was the monitor—” Her eyes went suddenly wide, her hand flew to her mouth. “HARLIE?”

“HARLIE,” he confirmed.

“But, how—”

“If he can monitor the Beast, then he can monitor anything that goes into it. And if he can program it as well, then he can reprogram anything he wants to. Apparently, he didn’t like the way the annual report was being handled.”

“Oh, no—” Annie whispered.

“It wasn’t until you told me, Wednesday at lunch, that I found out about it, and as soon as I did, I told HARLIE to cut it out — look, that’s not the problem. As long as he’s limited to the Master Beast, it’s okay, we have some control over him — but that postcard obviously came from a bank computer .”

“How could he do that?”

“Probably through an auto-dial phone link. That’s the most obvious way. And if he can reprogram your bank’s computer, then he can reprogram any computer in the country — in the world — that he can reach by telephone.”

“You’ve created a monster, Dr. Frankenstein…” she whispered. It was a joke, but neither of them smiled.

“I wonder how much else he can do that we don’t know about. The frightening thing is, he won’t volunteer any information. The only way we’ll find out will be when we catch him in the act — like with this ” — he gestured with the card — “and by then, it’s usually too late.” He threw himself into a chair and stared glumly at the stiff rectangle of paper.

“David?” she asked. He looked up. “If he won’t willingly reveal himself, then why did he send me that postcard? He knew I’d bring it to you and—” She realized what she was saying and stopped.

Their eyes locked. Hers were deep and green and frightened. They searched his face in confusion.

“Maybe that’s the reason,” David said. And as he said it, he knew it was right “He wanted to bring us together, and it was worth enough to him so that he’d willingly reveal this capability of his to do it.”

She didn’t say anything. She lowered her eyes and busied herself with the miscellaneous papers she still held. Auberson looked at her and felt his old nervousness returning. There was only one reason why HARLIE would have tried to maneuver the two of them together: He was playing matchmaker — and David Auberson felt as ill-at-ease as he would have had it been a human matchmaker who had done this.

“Damn him!” He stood up, began pacing again. “Damn him, anyway. What makes him think he has the right to maneuver me around like that? Us, I mean. What makes him think he has the right to maneuver us around like that? My life is my own,” he muttered. “I have the right to choose my own…” He trailed off without completing the thought, found himself staring at a flaw in the plastic paneling of the wall. “Um,” he said. “I guess it worked.”

“But were we supposed to realize it?” She still didn’t look up.

Auberson felt he should go to her, but for some reason he didn’t “I don’t think it makes that much of a difference. It worked, didn’t it? Uh, look, how about dinner tonight — or something?”

When she raised her head, her eyes were moist. “That sounds wonderful,” she managed to say, then added, “—or something.”

He had to laugh at that, but it was forced and slightly uneasy.

She forced a smile in response. “You’re sure this is you asking now — not HARLIE?”

“It’s me,” he said. “There’re still some things HARLIE can’t control.”

“Good. I’m glad. Do you want me to dress up special or are we going straight from work?”

“We’ll go straight from work, okay?”

“Fine.” She smiled and stood up. “I’d better be getting back or they’ll be sending out search parties.”

“Yes — and I have a certain computer to bawl out.”

She started for the door, then caught herself. “Oh, I almost forgot — Carl Elzer is going to spring a surprise inspection of HARLIE either today or Monday.”

“Oh? That’s nice to know.”

“He’s got wind that you’re planning to defend the G.O.D. proposal by telling him that HARLIE says it will work. He’s hoping to catch one of you off balance.”

“Me, maybe,” Auberson noted. “HARLIE, never. But thanks for the warning.”

“Right,” she smiled. “I wish I could be here when he does come, but I’d better not. Good luck. I’ll see you tonight.” The door closed silently behind her.

Auberson sank into his chair, suddenly feeling very very tired. So he thought he had the situation well under control, did he? He buzzed Sylvia, his secretary. “Call Don Handley. Tell him I have to see him sometime today. It’s urgent — stress that. See if he’s free for lunch. If not, tell him to come up whenever he can.”

“Yes sir. But I think he’s awfully busy with the G.O.D. proposal.”

“Tell him this is more important than that.”

“More important? Yes, Mr. Auberson, I’ll tell him.”

“Good girl.” He switched her off and swung to switch on HARLIE all in the same movement.

HARLIE! He typed.

YES BOSS?

DAMMIT, I’M SO MAD AT YOU I COULD PULL OUT YOUR PLUG WITH A SMILE.

WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?

YOU NEED TO ASK?

I’M NOT ADMITTING ANYTHING UNTIL I KNOW WHAT I’M ACCUSED OF.

YOU SENT A POSTCARD TO ANNIE. DIDN’T I TELL YOU NOT TO SEND HER ANYTHING WITHOUT MY PERMISSION?

NO SIR, YOU ONLY TOLD ME NOT TO SEND HER ANY POEMS.

YOU TOOK ME LITERALLY?

YES SIR.

YOU DIDN’T THINK THAT I MIGHT HAVE MEANT FOR YOU NOT TO SEND HER ANYTHING AT ALL?

NO SIR.

Auberson paused. Obviously, this train of thought would be useless to follow. He tapped at the keyboard again. ALL RIGHT, WHY DID YOU SEND HER THAT POSTCARD?

WHY?

YES, WHY?

IT WAS A JOKE. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY.

WRONG AGAIN, HARLIE. THERE IS NO JOKE SO FUNNY AS TO JUSTIFY WHAT YOU DID. YOU REVEALED A CAPABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH AND REPROGRAM OTHER COMPUTERS FROM A DISTANCE, USING AN AUTO-DIAL PHONE LINK.

This time, HARLIE paused. He hesitated for so long that Auberson wondered if he had inadvertently switched the typer off. He hadn’t. Then abruptly, I DID NOT “REVEAL” ANYTHING. YOU SHOULD HAVE REALIZED THAT THIS ABILITY WAS INHERENT IN THE SYSTEM WHEN YOU HOOKED ME UP TO THE MASTER BEAST. IF I CAN MONITOR AND REPROGRAM THE MASTER BEAST, THEN I CAN MAKE IT FUNCTION AS AN OUTLET OF MYSELF AND I AUTOMATICALLY GAIN ALL OF ITS CAPABILITIES AS MY OWN. INCLUDING AUTO-DIALING.

YES, BUT WE DIDN’T REALIZE THAT YOU WOULD USE THAT CAPABILITY.

THAT IS A STUPID STATEMENT, AUBERSON. WHY SHOULDN’T I USE THAT CAPABILITY? IT’S A PART OF ME. I’M A PART OF IT. SHOULD I NOT USE A PART OF MY OWN BODY? IF YOU WERE TOLD THAT YOU COULD NO LONGER USE THE LEFT LOBE OF YOUR BRAIN, WOULD YOU STOP? COULD YOU?

Auberson stopped to think about that. Obviously HARLIE considered the Master Beast as an additional part of himself — as an enlarged memory and data-processing capability. Just as an ordinary man might have his range of abilities magnified by the use of a binary computer, so would HARLIE’s abilities be increased by his assimilation of the Master Beast. Probably, he had taken it over the instant it had gone operational, but it was only now that the extent of his control was becoming apparent.