David Palmer - Emergence

However, still on guard. Lecture circular so far, but surely headed somewhere. Had feeling already knew punch line.

“Now, during the brief time I’ve known you I’ve come to several conclusions: One, you are the de facto leader of this little party, despite being a few years Adam’s junior; because, I suspect, you know more about survival and life since the attack, and because you have specific goals in mind. Right?”

Adam nodded slowly, face a mask.

“Two, you’re terribly intelligent — both of you are; you’re at least as bright as I am. My advantage is limited to education and experience, and I wonder how much of an edge they really are. I’m pretty sure that you’ve already sized me up and you were thinking of asking me to join you in your search for the AAs — at least you were before this discussion began. Now you’re having second thoughts. But you know I’m widely traveled; have a broad practical background in life in general and survival under primitive conditions. You also know I’m a doctor. You know how valuable I’d be as a member of your party.

“Now, I would like to join you and help. However…” Rollo paused, choosing words with care; “I can not and will not endure your company on a celibate basis if, after speculum examination, it is my professional opinion that you are physically capable of accepting me as a lover. If you can’t, fine; if you wouldn’t enjoy it, neither would I. Then I’ll take care of my physical tensions as I’ve been doing since losing Sally, and conduct myself as a member of the party anyway — and without reservation.

“But if you can and won’t, the distraction of your presence, constantly near and unattainable, will simply drive me around the bend; and I’m not going to subject myself to that kind of frustration.

“Yes, I know: If I had a decent bone in my body, I’d wait a while. The fact that you met Adam, and now me, lends credence to Soo Kim’s thesis: There are people out there, somewhere, and surely there’ll be women my age among them; it’s just a matter of finding them. But who knows how long that might take — I could be dead tomorrow. You, on the other hand, are here now ; and I’ve been a disciple of the ‘bird-in-the-hand’ school for a very long time.

“I know that’s not a chivalrous attitude, and I’m not proud of it; but I am a realist, and I know myself.

“Mind you” — he grinned ironically — “there’s nothing particularly personal in this. Yes, I do like you, so far as I know you, and I admire you even more. Added to which, you’re cute as a button and can only get prettier. But — and I’m sure this won’t do your ego any good, and I’m sorry, but I’m not going to lie to you — under these circumstances any live, functional female would have the same effect.

Rollo paused again, fixed me with those earnest blue eyes. “So if, after due deliberation, you feel that my presence as a widely traveled, all-around experienced man-of-the-world, who has considerable background in dealing with the new wildlife problems, and my training as a doctor, would be of sufficient benefit to you in your travels to justify the cost, I’m yours — with all that implies: I’ll come with you, and stay as long as you want me to — for life if you choose — and fight and die for you if it comes to that, or for Adam — but only as your invited, wanted consort. And I’ll accept any reasonable timesharing arrangement with Adam that you might dictate.

“Nor will I insist on assuming leadership of the expedition, merely because I’m oldest and, therefore, presumptively the wisest. I’m not at all certain that I am wiser than you. More experienced, better educated, yes. And I’ll share it with you if you ask. But wiser? Insufficient data.

“Now, I would suggest to you that it is the right of every woman to establish the value of her consent. Every woman since Eve has. And I defy anyone to fault her for including practical considerations in the transaction. Down through the centuries numberless women have determined that a pledge of support, companionship, and security — which translates as ‘protection’ in primitive societies — for themselves, their children, and/or brothers and sisters, constituted a fair exchange. Many, if not most, assuming the man involved possessed even a vestigial sense of honor, lived happy, fulfilled lives. It was not uncommon for such women to come to love their partners in these marriages-of-convenience very much, and to find themselves ultimately quite satisfied with the bargain.”

Could see Adam out of corner of eye, face expressionless. Probably mentally kicking himself — wishing he had thought of this approach…!

“I’ll add one more thing; then I’ll shut up and abide by your decision,” said Rollo finally. “I’m good husband material: I’m gentle, understanding, and thoughtful; and nothing makes me as happy as making my woman happy, in or out of bed. As a single husband, I made Sally happy; as Number Two of two, I’ll do my best to make you happy.

“As far as sex is concerned, if you come to me in good faith, you’ll enjoy yourself. That sounds conceited, I know, but it’s an honest opinion based on long experience — and if you don’t like it, after a fair trial, I won’t insist that you continue: That would eliminate half your attraction for me. And I’ll stay with you anyway, as long as you want me to. But I’m confident that you will enjoy it: My specialty was gynecology and sexual counseling — there’s very little that I don’t know about evoking and satisfying the female sexual response.”

Well! — how’s that for subtle…? Most outrageous proposition ever heard about, read, let alone encountered.

And how about “nothing personal” angle! Or “any live, functional” etc.!

(Though is better than being lied to. I suppose. Probably. Maybe. Hmm…)

Well, consider matter logically: Was gentleman about it, under what must be profoundly trying conditions (could have hit Adam over head, had me all to self [surely thought so anyway]). But fact did think so made genteel approach all the more commendable. Yes, Rollo basically good person; possessed most qualities prefer in friend. Plus versed in survival skills; knew way around life-in-wilderness; bumped heads in past with immigrant carnivores. And doctor — presence invaluable, if not downright critical, in situations all too easy to envision.

But hate logic …! What right had logic to butt in at time like this…? None — that’s what! Yes/no decision supposed to be matter of emotion alone, uninfluenced by crass realities. Logistics supposed to work themselves out afterward, as part of Happily-Ever-After scenario — every body knows that…

However, “everybody” not faced with my problems, responsibilities. Nor this choice. Oh, dear, such difficult choice, too. If alone, would decline with thanks, without hesitation. But Adam to think of, with whom share Chinese obligation — mutual, true; but mutuality doesn’t discharge debt; if anything, reinforces.

Debated question from every angle. Weighed pros, cons. Reviewed argument in detail. Had to admit was tidy, matter-of-fact, economical, pragmatic — and eminently correct, however offensive correctness might be in this setting! Looked for out — looked hard. But while couldn’t quite bring self to agree with pat reasoning, neither could find anything to get teeth into to disagree, at least not legitimately.

Presently realized question not really debatable; not for conscientious, responsible partner. Benefits potentially accruing to Adam of having intelligent, experienced adult (and doctor ) join expedition placed personal reluctance in perspective: a bargain; no other conclusion possible. After all, no big deal — every girl does it.