Gene Wolfe: Home Fires

“Fire when ready.” She laid aside her pencil and notebook.

“You didn’t recognize me when you saw me in the crowd. You recognized your mother immediately, but not me.”

“Right. She looks the same way she did when I left, or just about. You’re older. It took me a while tonight to see you through the changes.”

“Yet you called this room.”

“Oh, that. Simple. I started calling hotels asking for Mother. This was the second one, and they said she was registered, but—”

“As I was,” Vanessa confirmed, “and as I am. Vanessa Hennessey. I have my own room.”

“I didn’t think you two were sleeping together. But you weren’t in there. Want the rest of it?”

Vanessa nodded.

“There was the man who kissed me. I didn’t think that was Skip—I thought it was probably a mistake. Skip might be here just the same, so while I had this hotel I asked if Skip Grison was there. They said he was and connected me. Are you through eating, Mother?”

“Yes, I am. I’m a light eater, darling. Surely you remember.” Vanessa turned to Skip. “I want to thank you for a very pleasant dinner. By the way, Chelle darling, we did sleep together. It was on the train coming up.”

“No shit?” Chelle looked startled.

“We shared a compartment,” Skip explained. “We had to, because the train was full by the time Vanessa tried to book. We did not do what Vanessa implied.”

She smiled prettily. “I suggested it, but he said my berth was too small. To spare my feelings, I’m sure. Most men relish a tight berth.”

“I believe him,” Chelle said. “There’s no way I could ever believe you, Mother dear. Not about anything.”

“Never credit men about sex,” Vanessa told her. “To hear your father talk … Well, they cannot be believed, and I ought to have taught you that.”

“The Army did. Since you’ve finished your food, how about going back to your room?”

“How rude you are!”

Absently at first, then with fascination, Skip noticed that Chelle’s left hand held her pencil and was writing in her notebook with it.

“I remember you,” Chelle told Vanessa. “I know you forward and backward, and you haven’t changed a hair. I need to get to know Skip all over again.”

“I’m sure it will be fascinating exploration for you both—provided that one of you has brought the requisite medications.”

“We’re still contracted, aren’t we, Skip?” For a moment Chelle looked stricken. “You wouldn’t be here if you’d backed out some way.”

He nodded. “You’re not sorry?”

“Hell, no! Want to check that for yourself?”

“Yes. As soon as possible.”

“Then please tell my dear momma to get the fuck out of our room.”

Vanessa rose. “You won’t forget my predicament, will you, Skip?”

He shook his head.

When she had gone, Chelle said, “So Mother’s got a problem, or says she does. Want to tell me about it?”

“No. Ethically, I can’t. But even if I could, I would prefer not to.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I’d be betraying someone I enlisted to help me, that’s all. If she wants to tell you, fine. But she’s asked my assistance, and I like to think I’m an honest man and not just an honest lawyer.”

Chelle had a charming grin; he wondered whether she knew it. “Lawyers are all crooks. Ask anybody.”

“Right. And all soldiers are thugs. May I kiss a thug? Again?”

Her nod seemed strangely shy.

When they parted she said, “We’ve a lot of catching up to do. Are you good at cross-examination?”

“I am. Very.”

“Just like that?” She smiled.

“Let me enlarge on it. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in cross-examination, and I know it. But when I listen to others trying to do it, I understand why so many tell me I’m good.”

“Then I’m not going to let you ask me questions. I won’t ask you any either. You answered the big question I had when you came here.” Chelle sat down on the bed.

He sat beside her. “You answered mine when you asked the hotel about me when you couldn’t find your mother.”

“Thanks. She’s changed somehow. You probably don’t remember how she used to be.”

“Did I…?” He paused. “Yes, I saw her once. We ran into her in some restaurant.”

“Simone’s. You saw her twice. At least twice. The other time was when she went on base and tried to get the Army to turn me loose. We were in the Enlisted Personnel Club watching a couple of my friends play Ping-Pong.”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Mother’d gotten through to the base commander—she knows politicians—and he asked me to come to his office and explain that I didn’t want a discharge. You came with me.”

“You’re right. She was vehement.”

“She threw a fit. She’s good at it.” Chelle paused. “I expected her to throw one when I told her to leave, but she didn’t. Was that because she’s so worried about her problem?”

“That’s a question.”

“Yeah, I guess it is. Can I take it back, Counselor?”

“Certainly. You may withdraw it without prejudice if you so choose.”

“Then I do.”

“That’s good.” His arm found her waist. “Because I didn’t know the answer.”

“She’s changed. That’s not a question. It’s fact.”

“If you say so, I’ll accept it. I’m sure I never saw her after you left.”

“I’m glad you’re not wearing a tie.”

“In that case, I’m glad I’m not.”

She toyed with one of his shirt buttons. “I’ll bet you’d like to undress me.”

“You’d win.”

“And I’d like to undress you, but … Those earrings. Maybe you noticed Mother’s earrings.”

He shrugged. “I thought them pretty.”

“They are. But they’re just red feathers. No stones. Her dress looks nice on her because she’s still got a good figure and knows how to wear clothes, but I looked it over pretty carefully, and it’s off-the-rack. She’s poor now.”

He nodded.

“You said the compartments were gone when she tried to book. On the train.”

“I did. Yes.”

“Okay. I don’t think she was going to pay for a compartment. You got her to come, and I think you were going to pay for it. You’re probably tired of talking about her. Undressing is better.”

He smiled. “More interesting, certainly.”

“You know, I’m glad you said that.” Chelle’s hand tightened on his. “It makes it a little easier to say what I’ve been too chicken to say. You’d like us to undress right now. You’d like to go to bed, and so would I. I’ve been—well, you know.”

“There’s something you feel you ought to tell me first.”

“Yeah, and ask a favor, too. Asking a favor isn’t a question. Doesn’t count.”

“Correct.”

“Please don’t get all upset, Skip.”

“I won’t.”

“Just like that? Try hard not to.”

“I won’t get upset. You have my word.”

“Here’s the favor. I’d like us to undress each other with the lights out.”

He rose. “I understand.” A switch near the door extinguished every light in the room.

Her voice reached him through the darkness. “I don’t think you do. I don’t see how you could.”

“You’re a young woman. Biologically, you’re twenty-five. I am a middle-aged man. Biologically and in every other way I’m forty-nine. I’m not overweight—but I’m not twenty-seven, either.”

“That isn’t it at all. Will you please sit back down? I want you to kiss me, and I want you to call me Seashell, the way you used to.”

It should have been funny, but he felt his eyes fill with tears.

“Here it is. I was blown all to hell, Skip. The doctors put me back together as well as they could, but there are scars.”