Gene Wolfe - Home Fires

“Love made you cut your arms.”

“I— Yes. Yes, it did that. You’d been talking about cutting wrists.…”

Skip waited.

“You showed us that woman’s arm. Made her show it.”

He nodded. “I suppose I did.”

“So I thought that might work for me. Did you know I’d tried to kill myself before?”

He shrugged. “You didn’t tell me, but I guessed it. You were in a suicide ring. I found that out shortly after you came on board.”

He paused, expecting her to ask how he knew, and ready to refuse that information. She did not.

“You planted the bomb. It killed two young women.”

Susan shook her head.

“You didn’t plant it?”

“We didn’t want to kill them. Just Edith Eckhart.”

“She’s effectively dead now,” Skip said. “You don’t have to worry about her anymore.”

“She’s here.… Another name.”

From the doorway, Dr. Ueda said, “You’re tiring her. Please leave immediately.”

“I’ve got one more question,” Skip told Dr. Ueda. “After that, I’ll have a few for you. It will be to your advantage to answer them, believe me.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“Hardly. We’ve got a mess here, and the sooner we straighten it out and see that the right people go to jail—if anyone does—the better it will be for all of us.”

He turned back to Susan. “Answer this, and I’ll go. You said we didn’t want to kill them. By we , did you mean the ring? Or someone here?”

“Rick. Rick helped me and I helped him. Then she was with you. I didn’t think I could do it so he said it was all right, he’d set it off. He’d send a signal. Only he’s dead now, isn’t he? Isn’t Rick dead?”

Skip rose. “Yes. That was why you tried to cut your wrists.”

“I nearly won.” Susan’s voice was louder that he had expected, and firmer. “There was a glass in the bathroom.” Her voice rose again. “I was brave!”

“You’re brave enough to live,” Skip told her, and kissed her forehead.

* * *

When they were seated in the tiny book-lined office that had become Dr. Ueda’s, she asked, “Are you trying to put that poor girl in prison?”

“No. I’m an attorney, Doctor.”

“I know. A famous one.”

“Did you also know that your patient—you called her ‘that poor girl’—is my secretary?”

Folklore, Skip reflected, insisted that Orientals never showed emotion. Dr. Ueda’s surprise was evident, although less than obvious. Another myth discredited.

“She is. Naturally, my firm will defend her. As I told her, I’ll be a witness for the defense; so I can’t be her trial attorney. Even so, I want to lay the groundwork now. Are you aware that she planted the bomb that killed two young women on this ship?”

Slowly, Dr. Ueda shook her head. “I didn’t know that, either.”

“She did. She admitted it to me in there, and I feel certain she’ll admit it to others—to the police, as soon as we dock. It means we can’t simply try to convince a jury that she isn’t guilty. That would be unethical, and unwise as well. We’ll have to plead her deranged mental and emotional state. If we succeed—as I think we will—she may get the treatment she needs. If we fail…” Skip shrugged.

“Lethal injection.”

“Correct. We’ll need a deposition from you. If the prosecution doesn’t challenge your deposition, we won’t have to call you as a witness. I’m not asking for that deposition now. You’ll need time to think, and you may want to consult your own attorney. When you’ve had time for both, I’ll send somebody to depose you.”

“She tried to kill herself.” Dr. Ueda hesitated. “Tried hard. She had slashed her arms—both arms—with broken glass.”

Skip nodded. “Do you need someone to blame for that? Blame me.”

“You dumped her?”

“Yes. I terminated our relationship. I didn’t think of it as dumping her at the time, but perhaps she did.”

To his surprise, Dr. Ueda smiled. “We like to dump men, not the other way around. We think men can take it. Men are tough. I’ve dumped three.”

Skip nodded.

“We say you’re just little boys inside. It isn’t true, but we say it. Then we like to think that rejection can’t hurt you—that rejection won’t hurt little boys.” She sighed. “Haruki was— You don’t want to hear about my personal life.”

“I’ll listen, if you want me to.”

“I don’t. I was thinking about your secretary. About my patient.”

“Susan. Her name’s Susan Clerkin.”

“Did she begin as a clerk? Filing? All that sort of thing?”

“I don’t know. I suppose so.”

“She probably changed her last name, hoping the new name would help her get a job. I don’t suppose you know her original name?”

Skip shook his head. “It had never even occurred to me that she might have changed it.”

“It’s hard for women to find work. It has been since before I was born.”

“Hard for men, too.”

“Not as hard as it is for women. There are always more women, and there are fewer women in the Army.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

Dr. Ueda smiled. “You’ve left the script, Mr. Grison. You’re supposed to say fewer women enlist.”

Skip smiled, too. “Sorry.”

“It’s when I win. I prove that more women enlist than men. Almost twice as many women flunk out during training. What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“I hurt you without meaning to, and I’m very sorry. Let me change the subject. I went to medical school here, thinking that when I graduated I’d go back to Japan and practice there. They wouldn’t take me—our government wouldn’t. They told me to become a nurse. They needed nurses, or that’s what they said. I came back instead.”

“Are you afraid you’ll be deported if you give us a favorable deposition?”

Dr. Ueda sighed. “I’ve been an NAU citizen for years. Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t give you—or anyone else—a favorable or unfavorable deposition. I’m going to make a true one, the truth as I see it or as nearly true as I can get it.”

“That’s all I ask,” Skip told her.

“You said she’s killed two young women on this ship. Who were they?”

“Their names? Amelia and Polly. I don’t recall their last names.” Skip fell silent, remembering. “I talked to one of them once. First on the phone, then in her office—in the social director’s office. They worked for her.”

“Virginia? I met her, oh, a few days ago. Before the hijacking. That seems like a long time ago now.”

“Correct. Virginia Healy. Amelia and Polly were her assistants. Susan wanted to kill Virginia, but Virginia wasn’t there when the bomb went off. The assistants were. Now I wish I knew which one I talked to.”

“You’re contracted with a girl named Chelle. Chelle Blue.”

“Correct.”

“A moment ago, you indicated that you and my patient had been, ah…”

“Together. Yes. For nine years.”

“Did she think you left her for Virginia?”

Skip sighed. “I see what you’re getting at. No, I left Susan for Chelle. I … Chelle and I contracted just out of college. She had gotten her bachelor’s and joined the Army, and I had completed law school. When she came back from outsystem duty, I went to meet her. I thought she might want to void our contract.”

“She didn’t?” Dr. Ueda looked uncomfortable.

“No. And I certainly didn’t. She had divorced her parents before she went in. She hated her mother, or said she did. I thought it would be the same thing for me. We would terminate our contract by mutual agreement, and I’d contract with Susan.”

“You wanted that?”

Skip shook his head. “I wanted Chelle. She is all I’ve ever wanted, really. I was overjoyed when she didn’t want to terminate our contract.” He paused. “I think—no, I know—that Susan had already joined a suicide ring by then.”