Amy Thomson: The Color of Distance

Juna nodded her thanks. They swathed him in towels, and wheeled him to the bathtub. When the water was ready, they immersed him.

Juna stripped down and climbed into the tub with Moki, cradling him in the hot water. He began to stir again. His eyes opened. He looked at her, and flushed a clear, brilliant turquoise. “On sky ship?” he asked, forming his words with difficulty.

Juna stroked his forehead. “Yes,” she said. “You’re on the sky ship.”

“Cold,” he said. “Hungry.” Feebly he held his arms out for a link.

Juna shook her head. “No Moki, I can’t,” she told him, holding up her spurless wrist. Without her aim, she couldn’t heal him. Linking would only drain what little strength he still possessed.

“Here, drink this,” Juna said, lifting a beaker of warm electrolyte solution to his lips. Moki took a cautious sip, and then began drinking eagerly.

“Good,” he said when he was done. He closed his eyes, and drifted in her arms, sleeping in the hot water. After half an hour, the nurses helped her lift him from the tub onto the gurney. Juna roused him, and got him to drink almost a liter of warm electrolyte solution. They settled him in a nest of moist towels warmed by a heating pad. Juna sank into a hard plastic hospital chair to watch over him while he slept.

“Dr. Saari? Dr. Saari?”

Juna stirred groggily, and then awoke. Dr. Wu was standing beside her. Ukatonen hovered just behind Wu’s shoulder, his skin ochre with concern.

“Moki! How is he?” Juna asked.

“He’s sleeping,” Dr. Wu told her. “I’ve brought Ukatonen to make sure that he’s all right. I thought you’d like to be awake while he linked with him. Also, I brought you a translator so you can talk to the Tendu.”

“Thank you,” Juna said. “I’m glad you came.”

Ukatonen touched her on the shoulder. “Our bami is still stubborn,” he said in skin speech.

Juna smiled. “He certainly is,” she replied through the translator.

“Do you want to link with us?”

Juna nodded, and reached into the warm nest of blankets for Moki’s hand. Ukatonen did the same. They grasped hands and linked.

Moki’s presence reached for her, enfolding her with a vast sense of relief. Distantly, Juna was aware of Ukatonen moving through Moki, making minor repairs, but she was too caught up with Moki to notice the details. It was wonderful to feel his presence again. Seeing him so weak and helpless had made her realize how much she missed him, and how very happy she was that he was still alive. She felt him responding to her relief, her happiness at seeing him. They spiraled upward into harmony. After so much grief and guilt, it felt like the sun coming out from the clouds.

Juna clung to the link as long as she could. When the link broke, she sat for a moment, her eyes shut, not wanting to lose the completeness she had felt. Moki filled a hollow place in her heart that belonged to no one else. How could she leave him?

She opened her eyes to the outside world.

“He’ll be fine,” Ukatonen assured her. “He needs a good meal and a day’s rest, and then we can take him back down.”

Moki clutched her arm. “No,” he said in Standard skin speech, “I want to go with you!”

“Moki, I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Juna told him, her eyes filling with tears. “You have to stay here with Ukatonen.”

Wu touched her on the arm. “Clearly Moki wants to stay with you.”

Juna nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. “And I want to stay with him, but it’s impossible.” She looked down at Moki. “I’ve been hoping that somehow he would accept Ukatonen as his sitik, but now—” She shook her head. “He’ll die without me, and if he dies, then Ukatonen will commit suicide.”

“We can’t let that happen,” Wu said. “I don’t want to think about how that would affect our relationship with the Tendu.”

“I can’t stay here,” Juna told him. “I need to go home. There’s my family. I miss them, and my father needs me.”

“You’ve given more than enough, to both the Survey and the Tendu,” Wu agreed.

Ukatonen touched her shoulder. “What are you saying?” he asked.

Juna translated the conversation.

“Take Moki with you,” Ukatonen suggested. “For that matter, I’d like to go as well. After all, I am also Moki’s sitik. He shouldn’t be completely separated from other Tendu.”

“Please!” Moki begged, going bright pink with excitement.

Juna shook her head. “It’s too cold and dry,” she said. “And it’s against Contact Protocols.”

“There’s nothing in the treaty against it,” Ukatonen argued, “and if we can change you to fit into our world, why can’t we change ourselves to fit into yours? It’s risky, but we’re both willing to do what we can to adapt.”

Moki sat up, ears wide. “Let me go with you!” he pleaded.

Juna looked from Moki to Ukatonen and back again. “It will be hard. You have no idea how hard it will be. My world is so different, so complex,” she said. “You’ll be too cold, too dry, and everything will seem crazy and confusing. The whole world will feel out of harmony. Some people will be afraid of you, others hostile. You’ll have trouble communicating with the ones who are friendly.”

“You managed to adapt to us,” Moki pointed out.

“I nearly died several times,” Juna told him. “I was very unhappy, and I caused a lot of disharmony.”

“You’re my sitik,” Moki said. “I belong wherever you are.”

“And what about Ukatonen? He is also your sitik. He would have to come along. You’ll be dragging him into a world of confusion and pain. Are you willing to live with that?”

Moki’s ears folded close to his head. Ripples of shame and doubt passed over him.

Ukatonen touched Juna’s shoulder. “You don’t understand,” he said. “I want to go. The Tendu need someone who understands your people. Besides, I want change. Before I met you, I was so bored that I was thinking about dying. I want to see something new and strange, even if I’m cold and uncomfortable—” He paused for a moment. “Even if it kills me, Juna, I want to see your world. Please take us with you. We want to go.”

“I can’t promise anything, but I’ll talk to Dr. Wu and Dr. Bremen about it.”

She turned to Wu. “They want to come with me when I go back to Earth.”

“Both of them?” Wu asked.

Juna nodded. “They want to go. Moki wants to be with me, and Ukatonen wants to look after Moki and learn more about humans. I tried to talk them out of it.” She looked at Moki and shook her head. “They have no idea what they’re agreeing to, but they’re determined to go. If I didn’t feel that it was a matter of life and death for them, I wouldn’t ask that they be allowed to come with me.”

“Well,” Wu said, after a long, thoughtful pause, “we’ll have to talk to the captain and Dr. Bremen, but I’ll back you on this one.”

“Thank you, Dr. Wu,” Juna said. “I didn’t expect this.”

Wu bowed his head for a moment, then looked at her. “A Tendu saved my life. Now I have a chance to save two lives in return. Besides, I agree with Ukatonen. It would be good for them to see us, to learn more about our culture. Who knows what they’ll teach us about ourselves?”

Juna opened the door to the observation gallery. It was dark and quiet, lit only by the glow of the planet they orbited. The hush of the air vents and the distant hum of machinery were the only sounds. The two Tendu stepped silently to the wide, curving window. Outside, their world hung below them, vast and brilliant. The black line of the terminator lay on the middle of the ocean, moving almost imperceptibly toward the coast. Moki groped for Juna’s hand, unable to take his eyes off the view.