Amy Thomson - The Color of Distance

“Just a minute, Captain,” Dr. Bremen said. “I don’t think you should ignore Dr. Agelou’s doubts.”

“I’m not ignoring them, Dr. Bremen,” the captain replied. “I’ve taken his recommendation into account, along with the reports from my security detail. I feel that Dr. Saari is not a risk to the crew of this ship. Besides, Dr. Saari’s expertise is too valuable to keep locked up. I’m already getting complaints from some of the researchers.”

“Dr. Agelou is a highly trained professional, Captain Edison. I’m not sure that it’s wise to disregard his advice.”

“Dr. Bremen, I have spent twenty years in the Survey, five of them as a captain. I have had to evaluate people’s trustworthiness and fitness for duty many times during my career. Psychological profiles are an important part of any such decision, but there are a great many other factors to consider. I have considered those factors, and I believe that Dr. Saari does not pose a risk to my crew or my ship.”

This ts the most important Survey mission in decades,” Bremen responded. I don’t want to take any unnecessary risks. Vm sorry T› Saari but I m afraid that until further notice, you will continue to have a security escort.”

“I understand, Dr. Bremen,” Juna said, fighting to keep her anger from showing.

She stood. “Captain Edison, thank you for taking my part in this matter. I’ll try to prove that your trust in me is justified.”

With that, Juna turned and walked out the door, too angry to wait for an official dismissal. Under her suit, her skin was alive with anger, hurt, and disappointment.

She flung open the airlock door, slammed it shut, started the lock cycle, and began stripping off her suit, fighting back tears. Her gloves jammed on their threads, so she fought her way out of the suit, leaving its gloves and boots attached. Then she had to wait until the lock finished cycling to get into her room.

Only when she was in the shower did she allow her tears to flow. The hot water flowed over her body, washing away the tears and soothing her tight, dry skin. She leaned her forehead against the side of the shower stall. Hot water poured around her ears and down her cheeks, trailing off the point of her chin. She knew that she should have stayed and tried to convince Bremen to change his mind, but she had been too angry to think straight. It was all too much—her cold, dry quarters, the quarantine, the constant surveillance, the way Moki clung to her, and the demands of the Tendu. Worst of all was the fear in the eyes of her fellow humans. Still, she had to bear it. The Tendu and the humans needed her to reach harmony. She wondered how the enkar managed.

She climbed out of the shower, and began to dry off. She wanted to climb into bed, pull the covers over her head, and never come out again.

The phone rang. She reached to answer it, then hesitated as it rang again, and again. She picked it up just before the messaging clicked in.

“Hey, it’s Laurie. How’re you doing?”

Juna sighed and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. “I’ve been better,” she confessed.

“You want someone to talk to? I’ll be happy to suit up and come in.”

Juna glanced around the anonymous cubicle she occupied. “I think I’d rather come out.”

“Okay.”

Laurie opened the airlock door after it finished cycling. “Let’s go sit on the landing dock. That way you can get out of that suit for a while.”

“Can I do that?” Juna asked.

“Sure. You’re under guard, after all. C’mon.”

Laurie let Juna through the airlock to the outside first. She stood at the top of the steps, looking longingly at the low green line of forest-covered hills, inhaling the scent of the sea and the green, complex scent of the jungle. If only she could dive off the dock and vanish into the forest, leaving all her problems behind. She shook her head and stepped back from the railing.

The airlock door slid open with a hiss, and Laurie stepped out, looking even taller and more imposing in her e-suit.

“Let’s go sit down by the water,” Juna said. “I want to dangle my legs over the side.”

Laurie nodded and followed her down the steps to the dock.

“I’ve heard so much about the jungle and the Tendu from you and the others who’ve been ashore. I wish I could see it,” Laurie said when they were settled.

“Do you want me to take you over there sometime?” Juna asked. “It would be easy for me to get permission from the Tendu.”

Laurie looked down at the water. “I’d like to, but there are so many people who haven’t been ashore yet. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Fair?” Juna smiled, thinking of her own treatment. “What’s fair? You’ve been good to me, treated me like a human being.” She looked up at Laurie. “I wish more people did.”

Laurie looked away for a long moment. “You don’t mind that I report to the captain about you?”

Juna shrugged. “It’s part of your job. Captain Edison said that the reports she’s heard have been good.”

Laurie nodded, but there was still a hunched and guilty look about her.

“What is it, Laurie? What’s wrong?”

“They watch you,” she said after a long pause.

“I know that,” Juna said.

Laurie shook her head. “You don’t understand. They watch you all the time. Everywhere. There are cameras in your room, and surveillance equipment in your suit. There’s a team of people trying to decode everything you say to the Tendu. They questioned Alison when they found out she was a friend of yours.”

Juna put a hand on Laurie’s shoulder. “You think I don’t already know that they’re treating me like an exotic lab rat? They have to be watching me. I’d be surprised if they weren’t. They need to know how I’ve changed. I just wish I could explain to them that it’s still me inside this skin. I’m just a little older, a little wiser, and a whole lot greener than I used to be.”

Laurie smiled, and then looked away, out toward the coast. “You still shouldn’t be treated like this, after all you’ve been through. You don’t need a security escort, Juna.”

“They think I do,” Juna said with an ironic smile.

“I’ve served under Captain Edison for four years. You work that long with someone, you get to understand them pretty well. She isn’t happy with this trip. There’s too many interdepartmental turf wars, and Bremen isn’t doing anything to stop them. When people go over his head to Captain Edison, he gets upset. I think he sided with Chang and Agelou because he wanted to assert his authority over the captain.”

“Politics,” Juna said, “it’s politics. Most of the people on this ship are here because they’ve got pull. The Tendu are the most important discovery in years. Careers can be made here, especially for the AC people.” She looked out toward the green hills. “I liked being on the advance teams because there was a lot of good science being done without a lot of academic politics.”

Laurie patted her knee. “I don’t think this situation can last very long. You’re too necessary to the success of this mission. Sooner or later Chang and Agelou are going to have to cave in. Besides, you’re well-liked, and everyone who’s dealt with you knows you aren’t a risk to the mission.”

“It isn’t just the humans,” Juna told her. “There’s Moki and the negotiations with Lyanan. There’s pressure from all sides.” She shook her head. “It’s a lot to deal with.”

“Just remember that you have friends on board.”

“Thanks, Laurie,” Juna said. “It helps a lot.” She looked again at the forest. “You know, coming out here was a good idea. I feel a lot better.”

“I’m glad it helped,” Laurie said. “You ready to go in now?”