Peter Prellwitz - Shards Book One

"Good morning, ladies!? Dr. Barrett was sitting behind his desk, fingers playing over the cracked keyboard. He looked up at our entrance, rising.? Just a friendly visit, or did you come by for the physical?"

"I was giving her the tour, Doctor, and thought we'd stop by for the physical now, before lunch.? Susie sighed like she'd had a heavy weight slide off her shoulders.? She's a handful.? I shot her a dirty look. I wasn't that bad. Dr. Barrett laughed.

"She's all that. But is she a keeper?? For a moment, I felt a flash of fear. Am I a keeper? What did he mean? Was there some sort of guideline or example I needed to live up to? What if I didn't meet those expectations? Would they-I saw them smiling at me and realized they were joking. My ears warmed.

"Yes, I'm a keeper, Doctor. I guess I should give you the thanks,? I smiled as I delivered the comment.

? Or the blame."

"Touche. I'll take both, and say 'You're welcome' to the first. Well, down to business.? His voice took on a very professional timbre. He spoke, to no-one in particular,? Private examination and consultation,

? and I heard a deep tone from the door. I looked back and noticed it was solid. I was going to have to find out how that worked. Not only would the technical workings be fascinating, it would be useful knowing how to circumvent it if necessary.

Dr. Barrett took me gently by the arm and led me to an examination table which slid out of a wall at just the right height. Without waiting to be told, I carefully sat on the edge. I looked at Susan a little nervously.

She understood perfectly.

"Don't worry, kid. I'll stick around and keep an eye on the old lecher."

The barb just bounced off the doctor.? Lecher, huh, Susie? Just wait until your next exam. I'll dig around and see if I can find an old style needle for your shots. Preferably a hooked, dirty one.? He turned at me and started by taking my pulse. As the nurse had done-was it only last night?-he held my wrist.

"I'd have thought medicine had come further than this, Doctor."

"It has, young lady, it has. But I'm an old dog,? he couldn't have been over forty-five,? and prefer the human touch. My patients do, too. Take off your top, please. You can leave your bra on, though. While I perform the examination, is there anything you'd like to know?? he asked casually as I pulled off my blouse.

I did have several questions, nonmedical, which I put to him and he answered. I had been very wrong about his bedside manner. He had me completely at ease. As a physical, it was very cursory, which I asked about.

"The truth is, I know more about your physical well-being than you do. When we make a raid on the physiomanufacturing complex, we've already selected in advance the subjects we want. Then, after we've returned to base, I run an extensive, three day physical to check for anything out of the ordinary."

"Wait,? I interrupted,? Susie said she didn't know how old this body was. I thought you pretty much did a lightning raid and snatched what you could."

"Absolutely not!? he exclaimed. I seemed to have hit one of Dr. Barrett's pet peeves.? First, we're not some beta version operation that flies about performing haphazard raids. Each one is meticulously planned. We value the lives of our own people nearly as much as we value you, young lady.

"Second, we can determine the date your body was conceived by just accessing the proper records. We don't retain that information because it's unneeded. Your real birthday is the day you are reintegrated.

Only your age in years is passed along.

"Finally, this,? he put a firm hand on my small shoulder,? is not 'this' body. It is your body. There has been no other soul or mind in it before you, nor does anyone have claim over it. Once I completed the cognitive reconstruction and moved your soul into its new home, this physical shell became you. There is a long period of adjustment-even longer for you I don't doubt-but this is you. Understand?"

Taken aback by his insistence, I could only nod slightly. Despite the force of his words-or maybe because of them-I was reassured and settled down. He squeezed my shoulder and gave a small grin, then continued with the examination.

"Picking up where we left off. This physical is needless from a medical point of view, although we will count this as your checkup date and set a routine for regular examinations, as with all personnel. Since you're in the midst of puberty, I'll schedule some additional consultations. Today's checkup is more for you than for your body.

"How do you mean?? I asked.

He told me what he meant. Being female now meant a different approach to taking care of myself. We talked at length, Susie helping with her own examples and insights. It was embarrassing, but necessary.

And his manner with patients was very comforting. He made me feel like a person talking about my body, not a like girl talking about my body.

After we finished both the talk and the examination, I slid off the table and began dressing. That made the third time I dressed today, and it was only about noon. I felt like a striptease artist. Dr. Barrett went back to his desk and began banging away on his keyboard. I pulled on my blouse, a sleeveless white top made out of a kind of formfitting cotton, and looked at his fingers flying over the smooth surface.

"That's the only keyboard I've seen here, Doc,? I ventured.

"Yes. One of my idiosyncrasies. Nearly every terminal has a keyboard interface, but everyone else uses standard puterverse access. Not me. It makes the data feel a little more personal and real done this way.

I also have an aversion to being left defenseless.? While I wondered at that cryptic remark, he continued banging away.? While I'm finishing this, perhaps you could explain your stunt in the mess this morning."

I tucked in my top and said quietly,? What do you want me to explain?"

He shrugged.? This morning was the first time we've ever seen a Cue do something like that so soon out of Healer's Sleep. You gave every impression of being used to yourself and your new condition.? He looked up from his bushy, graying eyebrows.? At least, to everyone else you did. To me, you looked like someone forcing him self too hard.? He emphasized the? him".

It was my turn to shrug.? You're right, Doc. That's the way it was, pretty much. I was feeling very weird, and having a hard time adjusting. When that happens, I've always been one to act. After we left, I almost threw up in our quarters."

"I shouldn't wonder. You looked like you were going to right there on the table. But I must say, you won over the troops faster than anyone ever has before. Just try to keep your perspective from now on.

You're not an adult any more, nor male, and pushing yourself like that will get you sick."

"I know. Susie drove that point home a little while ago. I feel much more comfortable now, though I wanted to kill her at the time.? I reached over and took Susie's hand, smiling. She smiled back and squeezed it. Dr. Barrett watched us and nodded approvingly. He went back to his keyboard.

"I can imagine the whole scene. That's the worst moment for a Cue counselor. Driving reality home, then patching up the wreckage. I've done it more times than I can count, and as bad as it with boys, it's twice that for girls. I've never liked it, but it is by far the best way. For all intents, the only way. Brutal revelation seems to be the best tool to jolt a person from the there and then to the here and now. Normally, the sooner the better. Well, I'm glad you've been through it already. It helps the healing, both physical and mental."

"So, is she going to live, Doctor?? Susan asked with mock seriousness. Again, I felt a quick flash of dismay and had to shake it off. I must be thin-skinned or have easily damaged confidence to even begin to worry. I'd have to try to keep my anxiety under control. I had a feeling it could turn into panic very easily.