Mack Reynolds - Earth Unaware

Randy, his receptionist, said, “Professor McCord is waiting in your office, Mr. Wonder.”

“Who the devil is Professor McCord?”

“Major Davis sent him, sir.”

“Oh. He’s probably an expert on either hexes or itching, then.”

After Ed and Buzz had entered the inner office, Randy Everett looked after them for a long frustrated moment, somewhat as though she had put her last dime in a pay telephone and got the wrong number.

Professor McCord came to his feet at their entry. They went through the usual banalities, finally winding up seated.

Professor McCord said, “I was picked up by two security officers and rushed here to your office. I submit that although I am available for my country’s service, I haven’t the vaguest idea of…”

Ed said, “What are you a professor of?”

“Ethnology, specializing in the African Bantu tribes.”

Buzz said, selecting a fresh stogie from his jacket pocket. “The major is sharper than I thought he was. Professor, what is a curse?”

The other’s eyes came around to the newspaperman. “You mean is the sense that a witchman might curse someone?” When the two nodded, he went on. “It is the expression of a wish that evil befall another. A calling down of something wicked, harmful on some victim.”

“Well, that’s not exactly the word, possibly,” Ed Wonder said. “Possibly the word I want is spell, or hex.”

The professor obviously hadn’t the vaguest idea of what they wanted of him. He said, “A spell is usually a combination of words, or pretended words, supposed to accomplish something magical. The term, if I’m not mistaken, is derived from the Old English. A hex is much the same thing, an act of witchcraft. It is American idiom, originally derived from the Germanic.” The professor was frowning puzzlement.

So were both Ed Wonder and Buzz De Kemp.

Ed said, “I know, I know. But I didn’t want just definitions. Now, take one of your Bantu witchdoctors. He puts a spell on somebody, usually because somebody else paid him to do it, right? Okay. Just what does he do ?”

Professor McCord looked at him blankly.

Buzz said, “How does he go about it? How is it accomplished?”

The professor said, “Well, in actuality, each witchman will have a different procedure. Usually an elaborate mumbo-jumbo involving unusual ingredients to stir together, and an incantation involving magical words.”

Ed leaned forward. “We know that. But, what we wanted to know was, just what is a curse? You know, what is it…?”

The professor blinked at him.

“What we’re trying to do is find out what a curse, a hex, a spell really is.”

“Why, I just told you.”

They looked at each other for a long unprofitable moment. Finally, he said. “Do you believe in the devil? You know, Lucifer?”

“No. What has that got to do…”

“Or black magic?”

“I don’t believe in any kind of magic.”

Ed had him. He pointed a finger. “Then how come a witchdoctor can cast a spell on somebody? Don’t tell me they can’t. Too much evidence exists.”

“Oh,” Professor McCord nodded. “I see what you’re driving at, at last. Do you know what a liban is? I took my doctorate in their study.”

“I thought on my kooky Far Out Hour I’d heard of everything in this line, but evidently not.”

The ethnologist’s face took on a pleased expression. “The libans are such a vital part of African witchcraft that I’m amazed they are known so little. A liban isn’t exactly a witch-man, since he’s born into the caste and can’t enter into it from outside. They’re just a handful of families, not numerous. He’s the Eminence grise in the tribe and they wouldn’t dare do anything without his advice. For instance, if the warriors are going out on a raid, he lets them know whether or not it’s going to be a success, gives them little bags of sacred dust, or some such, to tie to their daggers. What I wish to impart is that the liban is not a fake. His position is hereditary, comes down for a thousand years and more. Believe me, if a liban puts a curse on a tribesman, the curse works.”

“How?” Buzz said flatly.

The professor looked at him. “Because everybody involved knows it will work. The victim, the liban, and all the other members of the tribe.”

It was the same sort of answer Ed had got from Varley Dee. It accomplished nothing. The fact of the matter was, hardly anybody, of all the billions of persons involved, even knew that Ezekiel Joshua Tubber existed, not to speak of knowing he was laying hexes right and left.

Buzz said to Ed, “What’s all this about libans got to do with Tubber?”

“Tubber?” Professor McCord said. “Tubber who?”

“Ezekiel Joshua Tubber,” Ed said wearily. “You wouldn’t know about him.”

“You mean Josh Tubber?” McCord said. “Academecian Ezekiel Joshua Tubber?”

“ Academecian ?” Buzz said.

“Josh was taking his academecian degree in political economy while I was studying for my doctorate,” McCord said. “A surpassing scholar.”

Ed Wonder closed his eyes in mute appeal to the higher up.

But Buzz said quickly, “Then you knew him when he was younger. Look, at that time did he have any ideas about starting, say, a new religion? A religion with a lot of socio-economic angles?”

Ed said, “More important, did he ever say anything to you about an ability, a power to curse things? To put a spell on, well, ha ha, say TV?”

Professor McCord said, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Ed flicked his desk switch. “Bill Oppenheimer,” he said.

Oppenheimer’s face filled the screen. It was the first time Ed Wonder had seen the other since his interview of the day before. Oppenheimer said, “Yes, sir.”

Ed said, “You’re now in charge of backtracking on Tubber. As a beginning, we’ve got a line on his schooling. He took an academecian’s degree in economics at…” he put a hand up to hold Oppenheimer and looked at McCord. “What college?”

“Harvard.”

Ed Wonder looked at him in reproach. “It couldn’t have been some jerkwater college in the Bible belt. It has to be Harvard.” He looked back at Oppenheimer. “Harvard. Put a team on this. We want everything, anything, we can get on Tubber. What he studied. Every book he ever opened has to be analyzed, word for word. Run down his classmates, and find out every detail they can remember. Dig into his social life. Latch onto any women he ever dated, they’d be at least middle-aged by now. He’s got a daughter. Find out who he married. What happened to her. If she’s still alive… Well, I don’t have to tell you. We want a complete rundown on every phase of Tubber’s life. Clear this with General Crew, if necessary. If you need manpower, there’s the F.B.I., the C.I.A. and the Secret Service.”

“Got it,” Oppenheimer said. “Yes, sir.” His face faded from the screen.

Buzz said, “That’s telling them. Little Ed, you’ve got the makings of a really big cheese.”

McCord said, somewhat intrigued, “If you’re interested in checking on Josh Tubber, you won’t get much at Harvard. He took only his academecian’s degree there. As I recall, he took his doctorate at the Sorbonne, and, if I’m not mistaken, studied earlier at either Leyden or Heidelberg. Classical Philosophy, I believe.”

“Philosophy?” Ed Wonder repeated.

“A predilection for Ethical Hedonism, as I recall,” McCord nodded.

Buzz finished his drink, as though desperate. “Hedonism,” he said. “Tubber? You mean like the eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die, bit?”

“Hedonism goes further into reality than that, you know,” McCord said stiffly. “Briefly, Epicurus taught that men not only in fact seek pleasure, but further that they ought to do so since pleasure alone is good. However, his definition of pleasure is the crucial…”