Mack Reynolds - Earth Unaware

Jerry, in the control booth, was making stretching motions. Ed Wonder looked up at the studio clock. They were running long.

He said to the guest, “To go back a bit. You used a couple of terms there that most of us haven’t been checked out on, I’m sure.” He looked down at the pad upon which he scribbled notes as the program continued. “Palin… palin… something or other.”

“Palingenesis,” Reinhold Miller said with only the slightest trace of condescension.

“That’s right. And metempsychosis. Did I get that one?”

“That is correct. Metempsychosis. The passage of the soul from one body to another. From the Latin, which in turn was from the Greek. In all modesty I would still suppose that I am the world’s outstanding authority on palingenesis and metempsychosis.”

Ed Wonder said, “You defined metempsychosis for us; just what is palingenesis?”

“It means rebirth, regeneration, the doctrine of transmigration of souls.”

“Well, how does that differ from metempsychosis?”

“I am afraid that time limitations prevent my going into the matter in the detail that would be necessary completely to clarify the subject.”

“That’s too bad. Well, here’s another item I wanted to ask about. You say you’ve been reincarnated three times. You were first born as Alexander, the Macedonian who conquered the Persian empire. You described how you died of fever after the big binge in Babylon, and then your, ah, soul was transmigrated into the newly born body of Hannibal, the Carthaginian who later nearly, but not quite, defeated Rome. After Hannibal committed suicide by taking poison, you woke up again in the body of Marshal Ney, Napoleon’s right hand man.”

“That is all correct.”

“What I wondered about is where your, ah, soul was in-between. If my andent history isn’t all kooked up, Alexander was something like four hundred years or so B.C. Hannibal led his elephants over the Alps perhaps a hundred and fifty years later. Don’t hold me to those dates, folks, I was the top champ at cutting classes when it came to ancient history. Now, let’s see, Marshal Ney must have been born in the 18th Century if he fought with Napoleon. That’s a pretty long hop from your first reincarnation to your second.”

Reinhold Miller said stiffly, “There is no time in death.”

“How was that again?”

“One feels no sense of lapse between lives. When I was executed in my incarnation as Michel Ney, there seemed a sudden flash of light and pain, and then I was conscious immediately of being newly born into the world as a crying child.”

Ed Wonder thoughtfully touched the tip of his nose with his forefinger, then consciously took it away. He was going to have to kill that mannerism if he ever got the program onto television, it looked kooky.

He said, “Well, there was one other thing, Mr. Miller. Don’t you think it’s somewhat of a coincidence that in all three of your earlier, ah, incarnations, you were one of the greatest military geniuses the world has ever seen?”

“Perhaps mine is a soul of destiny.”

“What did you tell us your present occupation is, Mr. Miller?”

“I am an accountant.”

Ed Wonder looked down at his pad. “Oh yes. Here we are. Assistant accountant at the Brisby Department Store, in Brisby, Pennsylvania. I thought practically all accounting was automated in these days of the Welfare State. Brisby must be a bit behind. But aren’t you somewhat surprised that your latest incarnation wasn’t Douglas MacArthur, or Eisenhower, or possibly Viscount Montgomery? You know, just to keep it consistent.”

“It is not mine to question. The eternal spirit moves in mysterious ways.”

“Well, look. What I meant was that two or three times before we’ve had reincarnations on the program. And what’s always surprised me about people who, ah, claim to be born again, is that it’s never the gardener who worked the swing shift in Tamerlane’s melon patch, but always Tamerlane himself. It’s never a chimney sweep in Moscow, in the year 1175, but Catherine the Great. How come you folks who get reincarnated were always big shots in the former life?”

Miller reacted to that, as he did with everything, with calm dignity and an appealing sincerity which, Ed decided, the twitch element listening in were probably swallowing like crazy.

“I might refer you to the case of Bridey Murphy.”

“Touché,” Ed said jovially. “You got me there. Folks, you’ll remember way back in 1956 or so when the country was all interested in a lady out Colorado way who used to go into hypnotic trances and recall a former life in which she was a simple Irish colleen in the late 18th Century.”

His phone clicked and he took it up.

Dolly said, “Professor Dee is on, Little Ed. He wants to ask the guest some questions.”

Ed Wonder hung up and made a signal to Jerry in the engineer’s booth.

He said, “Folks, I’ve just had a call from Professor Varley Dee. You old hands remember the professor—teaches anthropology over at the university. We’ve had him on as a panelist half a dozen times over. The professor is one of the great sceptics of all time. Folks, he just don’t buy nothin’. Professor Dee wants to ask our honored guest of the evening, Mr. Reinhold Miller, a few questions, and if Mr. Miller doesn’t mind, we’ll just switch on the old beeper phone which is a method by which you listeners can hear both ends of the conversation. All right, Mr. Miller?”

“I am perfectly willing to answer any questions whatsoever.”

“Fine. Well, Professor?”

Varley Dee’s cranky voice crisped in. “You say you were once Alexander the Great. If that is so, you must clearly remember the battle of Issus, the most famous of Alexander’s victories.”

“I remember it as though it happened yesterday.”

“I’m sure you do,” Dee said sarcastically: “Now then, during the battle where was Ptolemy?”

“Who?”

“Ptolemy, Ptolemy. Later the founder of the Macedonian dynasty in Egypt and the ancestor of Cleopatra.”

“Oh.” Reinhold Miller cleared his throat. “Your pronunciation is faulty. He…”

“I studied Ancient Greek for eight years,” Professor Dee snapped.

“…fought on the left flank.”

“He did not!” Dee said. “He was one of the companions and fought side by side with Alexander, Black Clitus and the rest of…”

“Nonsense,” Miller said, snap in his voice. “You picked that up in some silly history book. I know where he fought. Who could know better? I was there.”

Jerry was making circular motions to Ed Wonder from the control booth. Wind it up.

Ed began to cut in, but Dee continued over the beeper phone, “All right, I’ll admit I wasn’t there. However, some of those historians you scorn—including Ptolemy himself, who wrote an account—were there. But’s here’s another question. Still sticking to Ptolemy. What was his surname?”

Miller’s face worked.

“Come, come,” the professor urged. “He was one of Alexander’s closest friends.”

Ed reluctantly came to the rescue. He said, “Gentlemen, we’re going to have to call time. Sorry, perhaps we can get together on another occasion. Thank you…”

“His surname was Soter” Professor Dee crowed. “As Alex…” but at that point Jerry killed the beeper phone contact.