Mack Reynolds - Earth Unaware

He chuckled at Ed Wonder even as he offered him a chair. “Well, sir, even the ambitious Little Ed Wonder finds himself amid the unemployed with the disruption of the radio waves, eh? Fascinating development. Have the technicians arrived at any conclusions? What’s this about sun spots?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Ed told him. “Every time something comes along to foul up reception, or the weather, or whatever, it’s blamed on sun spots. That’s all I know about the subject.” Actually, he didn’t want to get into the subject of TV reception with the professor. If he had, they would never gee around to the real reason for his visit.

He changed the subject, abruptly, “Look, Professor, what can you tell me about Jesus?”

Dee gimlet-eyed him. “Just who do you mean when you say Jesus?”

Ed was exasperated. “For crissake, Jesus . Jesus of Nazareth. Born on Christmas. Died on the cross. The founder of Christianity. Who else could I mean?”

“There are Jesuses and Jesuses, Little Ed. According to what religious sect you follow, or if you follow none at all and are interested in the historic Jesus. Do you want myth, or history?”

“I’m talking about reality. The real Jesus. What I…”

“All right. Then to begin with, his name wasn’t Jesus. His name was Joshua. Jesus is a Greek name, and he was a Jew. And he wasn’t from Nazareth. There was no such town as Nazareth in Palestine at that time; later on the boys worked that one in to fill in some holes in the prophesies that supposedly foretold the coming of the Messiah. And he wasn’t born on Christmas. The early Christians took over that day from the pagans in one of the attempts to popularize the new religion. Christmas was originally the winter solstice, it got shoved around to December 25th through faulty calendars. It’s even debatable whether Joshua died on the cross. If he did, then he died in a remarkably short time. The horror of crucifiction as a means of execution is in the time it takes the victim to die. Robert Graves made a good case for the hypothesis that Jesus survived the cross, after a cataleptic fit, and was spirited away.”

Ed was bug-eyeing him.

Varley Dee said, his voice cranky, “You wanted to know about the historic Jesus. Very well. That’s just the beginning. For instance, many of the more serious scholars doubt very much that Joshua had any intentions of starting a new religion. He was a good Jew and practiced that religion faithfully his whole life.”

“Listen,” Ed demanded. “Is there anything left at all of what I learned in Sunday school as a kid?”

The professor chuckled acidly. “Actually, quite a bit. Just what was it you wanted to know?”

Ed said, “Look, for instance the story about feeding the multitudes with two or three fish and a few loaves of bread, and then winding up with several bushels of leftover scraps.”

Dee shrugged. “Probably a parable. Many of Joshua’s teachings were given in parables.”

“Well, some of the other miracles. Raising the dead. Curing the lepers. That sort of thing.”

Dee was impatient. “Modern medicine performs miracles of that order with ease. In Joshua’s day their medical procedure before pronouncing a person dead was primitive, to say the least. As a matter of fact, you don’t have to go back that far. Did you know that the mother of Robert E. Lee was pronounced dead and was actually buried? She revived later and was rescued. So far as leprosy is concerned, it was and is a meaningless term, medically speaking, and in those days covered everything from skin diseases to venereal infections. Miracle healers were a dime a dozen, and a religious figure didn’t get very far unless he could put on a good performance in that department. Actually, Joshua is on record as being contemptuous of his followers continually wanting him to prove himself by such devices.”

Ed Wonder squirmed in his chair. “Well, if not Jesus, how about some of the other miracle workers? Mohammed, for instance?”

Dee eyed him critically. “I would think that with your program, Little Ed, you would have had your fill of miracle workers, by this time. Certainly, down through history, we run into them. Jesus, Mohammed, Hassan Ben Sabbah…”

“That one misses me,” Ed said.

“Founder of the Ismailian Shiite sect of the Moslems. His followers, the assassins , were fantatical beyond belief. At any rate, supposedly he performed various miracles, including teleporting himself several hundred miles at a crack.”

“But…” Ed said. Professor Dee’s attitude suggested a very big but .

“But,” Dee said, “close inspection by reliable scholars into the lives of these miracle workers seldom turns up evidence of unexplainable happenings.”

It was directly the opposite of what Jim Westbrook’s opinion had been the other day. Ed stirred in his chair. His interview with Professor Varley Dee was netting him a zero.

He came to his feet. “Well, thanks, Professor. I won’t take up any more of your time.”

Dee beamed at him. “Not at all, Little Ed. Pleasure. And I look forward to appearing on your remarkable program, once again, when the present difficulties with the air waves are over.”

“They’re not going to be over,” Ed said gloomily, as he prepared to depart.

That set the other back. “Not going to be over? Well… why?”

“Because one of the miracle workers we’ve been talking about slapped a hex on them,” Ed said. “See you again, some time, Professor.”

It was several days later before he decided to get in touch with Helen and Buzz again. Several days spent in a lethargic stew. Several days of indecision and frustration.

There should be something that he, Buzzo and Helen could do. But where was there to start? Neither of them dared get within distance of the gifted prophet. On the other hand, Ed Wonder was apprehensive over what Tubber might get around to doing all on his own. He didn’t need the catalyst of Ed or the others around. He was perfectly capable of dreaming up his own hexes. And was probably busy doing so.

He decided to call Helen Fontaine and suggest a date. Maybe being together would bring something to mind.

He didn’t have to phone Helen. She beat him to it.

The audio-alarm told him he was wanted on the phone, and it was her face that lit up the screen when he flicked it on. She looked distraught.

“Little Ed! Do you know where Buzz is?”

He scowled at her. “No. The last time I saw him he was with you at the club.”

“He’s disappeared.”

“What does that supposed to mean?”

“I’ve been trying to find him, to suggest we three get together again and bounce this thing around. But he’s not at the paper. Nor at his apartment.”

Ed had a sudden premonition. “You don’t think he’s gone up to see Tubber?”

Her eyes were wide. “That’s also what I’m afraid of.”

Ed said, “I’ll be right over.” He flicked off the phone and turned to go.

The audio said, “Two gentlemen to see you.”

Ed looked at the door screen. Two men stood there. Two men he had never seen before.

He opened up and they looked at him impassively.

“You’re Edward Wonder?” the first one, the older one, said.

“That’s right.”

“There’s somebody’d like to talk to you.” He brought out a wallet, flicked it open for inspection. “My name’s Stevens; this is Johnson.”

Ed grunted his lack of awe. “Gestapo, eh? What can I do for you?”

“You can come along,” Johnson said, mildly courteous.

Ed Wonder was moved to stubbornness. “Why? What’ve I supposed to have done?”

The first one, Stevens, said, “Search me. Some big deal, Mr. Wonder. Now will you please come along?”