Peter Telep - Pilgrim stars

Someone approached, but the footsteps sounded a bit lighter than those of the guards, whose passage Blair had come to know well. He sprang from the bunk and gripped the bars of his cell, imagining for the nth time that he had the strength to bend durasteel. He jammed his head against the bars and squinted through the shadows vesturing the passage.

A figure came forward, his white robe extending to his shins and fluttering behind him with an almost underwater slowness. His face grew distinct, and Blair gasped. "Sir."

"Your ears must've been ringing," Maniac said.

Paladin arrived before Blair and gave a curt nod. "Lieutenant. How are you two doing?"

"We're all right," Blair answered. "They fed us well."

"If you call leftover rations a meal," Maniac qualified. "Probably scooped them out of waste can. Hey, Commodore? Where you been? And when the hell are we getting out?"

"It's complicated. And I'm not sure if you'll be getting out anytime soon. Aristee doesn't have enough personnel to assign a guard to you. It's easier for her to keep you here."

"While you get to stroll around the ship unguarded?" Maniac quickly followed. "Excuse me, sir, but I have a slight problem with that."

"She's got a guard on me. He's waiting at the hatch."

"You talk to her yet?" Blair asked.

"I've had several opportunities, Mr. Blair. Suffice it to say, I need many more."

"Question is, do we have that time? Where is she headed? And how many more people do you think she'll kill?"

"She's arranged to purchase supplies and take on more personnel at Aloysius Prime. She's having some trouble with the hopper drive, so I expect it'll take us a while before we get there. I'm not happy with that destination. Aloysius is in Robert's Quadrant, right on the Kilrathi border."

"You're not happy with that destination?" Maniac snapped. "Why don't you do something about it? That bitch will never stand down. We need to take this ship by force."

"Excellent idea," Blair said, feigning his enthusiasm. "The three of us will take on the entire crew. Or maybe you'd like to do that single-handedly? At least you'd have something other than sex to talk about."

"I'm flipping you the bird right now."

Paladin shifted to Maniac's cell. "Mr. Marshall, we may very well have to take this ship by force. And if we do, I expect that you will follow my orders without question-no matter what I tell you to do."

"At this point, sir, I'm most concerned with getting my particular ass off this particular ship. If we can save the Confederation in the interim, more power to us."

"Sir?" Blair interrupted. "Why didn't you come to see us sooner?"

"She's been forcing me to attend her con-crit sessions and suffer through a series of songs and conversations, a kind of exorcism of old ideas through music and speech. Your basic brainwashing in the guise of spiritual pursuit. It takes nearly five days to go through the first sequence."

"Maybe they drugged you," Maniac said. "Maybe you're just feeding us bullshit."

"I haven't been drugged. Tampering with the body in that way is strictly forbidden. That's a covenant in our favor. They want to win over only cognizant individuals since cognizance is a prerequisite of ascension."

"These people don't hang out in shuttleports, chanting and handing out flyers, do they?" Maniac gibed.

"Don't underestimate them, Mr. Marshall. If you do, you'll wind up chanting and distributing flyers yourself."

"Sir, I've never been a POW," Blair confessed. "That Kilrathi tattoo on your neck helps you remember that you were. I don't want to pry, but tell me this: How did you get through it? What did you do to keep yourself sane? It's only been a week, but I feel more tortured by the monotony than if they came down here and beat me. I guess I have too much time on my hands. I'm getting wire happy. So's Maniac. Pretty soon we'll do anything to escape, even if it gets us killed."

"I think you get through it by reaching down into yourself and finding a real reason to live. Why are you here, Mr. Blair? What is your purpose in this universe? Big questions. They might even sound ridiculous. But if you can discover the answers, it won't matter what they throw at you. When the Kilrathi took me, it was like having a window to hell. They know exactly what can kill a human. Exactly. That's just what I said in my debriefing. I spent two long years in captivity, but I made it through because I'm here to affect as many lives as I can. My life was never mine. It took me a long time to reconcile with that."

"To be honest, sir, I have no idea why I'm here. But I'll try to figure that out. Thanks."

"Gentlemen, I'll visit again soon. Just hang tight. Do the Confederation proud."

"Oh, we're doing it real proud sittin' here," Maniac muttered.

Ignoring the remark, the commodore drifted off, into the shadows.

Blair remained at the bars for several minutes after Paladin left. He played over the commodore's advice, but his thoughts seemed as imprisoned as his body. Maybe I'm just here to be a Confederation pilot. Maybe I don't have some higher purpose. Why do I even need one?

Your purpose is with us.

The voice sent Blair recoiling from the bars to inspect his cell. She had spoken in his head. And it hadn't been during a jump. Who are you?

I'm not a ghost. I'm not reading your mind. I'm just letting you read the script of my thoughts. My script is here, in this ship. Would you like to know me?

Yeah, I guess so. What do you want?

I'll come for you when I can.

Who are you?

No response.

"Who are you?"

"What?" Maniac asked.

Blair drew in a long breath, rubbed his eyes, then dropped onto his cot. "Nothing."

"Know what's gonna happen, Ace? The Confed is going to pound this ship out of existence, and we'll be along for the ride. We're on death row."

"Hey, Maniac? What's your purpose in life?"

"Shit, that's easy. I'm here to strap on a starfighter and rack up as many kills as possible. I am a killing machine. I am population control. I am the final glimpse before eternity. Sivar loves me. I send him fresh Kilrathi souls."

"Seriously."

" Seriously. I am here to kill, kill, kill. And I'll give back to the universe by a making a few babies. But not any time soon. I need another decade or so of practice, with, of course, as many women as possible. You stand on your marble mountain and tell me I'm shallow. But I got no illusions about this. And if there is a supreme being, then I have to get credit for being exactly who I am. Love me. Hate me. But you have to respect that I know what I'm about. You? You keep turning back to this Pilgrim thing. So your mother was a Pilgrim. So what. Look at these people. Look at what they've done. You want to dial into this?"

Blair jerked himself off the cot and beat a fist into his palm. "Not all Pilgrims are like this. I wish somebody would teach me who they really are. Then maybe I'd know what I'm about. And so would you."

With a laugh, Maniac replied, "You're about fear. You're about confusion. You're about running. And it would make me feel a whole lot better if you were about kicking ass."

"Even if I were, what could we do about it? Try to pull off some pathetic diversion? You complain that you're sick, then the guard opens the door and you pound his ass? Then you open my cell, we take the guards' weapons, hightail it through the ship, and take Aristee at gunpoint? We're living this. It ain't some bad movie."

"We got nothing to lose. I say we try anyway." Blair threw up his hands. "Go ahead. You can add stupidity to what you're about."

VEGA SECTOR.DRY QUADRANT.PEPHEORO SYSTEM JUMP POINT.KIS SHAK AR'ROC BATTLE GROUP.

2654.098. 0330 HOURS IMPERIAL STANDARD TIME

Admiral Vukar sat rigid in his command chair, his gaze traveling intently from station to station as the Shak'Ar'Roc's bridge crew prepared to jump. His officers had just come off a five hour respite, and they appeared invigorated by the notion that they would once more pick up their quarry's scent. Every heart was in the hunt…