Beth Revis - A Million Suns

“Where did you get this?”

“I told you,” Amy says. “Orion left me these clues.”

“And you think — if you play his little game and solve these clues, then… what?”

“I don’t know,” Amy says. “But the way he keeps saying someone from Sol-Earth has to make the decision, it makes me think…”

I remember First Shipper Marae telling me about how Orion influenced the decision to hold back information about the ship’s dead engine, how Eldest tried to have Orion killed soon after. If he made these videos as a way to get the word out on whatever it was that he discovered that led to Eldest trying to kill him, then there really might be a way to get Godspeed flying again.

This is huge . This — maybe at the end of this loons’ hunt for clues and codes is the solution for the ship’s engine! In which case…

“We should wake him up,” I say.

Amy looks at me as if I’ve suggested we give the ship another Season.

“We could ,” I insist. “Wake him. Force him to tell us what he knows.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be woken.” Amy spits the words out with more vehemence than I’d have expected.

“But Amy—”

“Besides,” she adds quickly, “we couldn’t trust him if we do wake him. This”—she jabs a finger at the vid screen—“might be the closest thing to truth we’ll ever get from him.”

I chew on my bottom lip. I know she wouldn’t like the way I think about Orion. That maybe he was partly right. Not in killing the others, not right like that. But right in attacking Eldest, in learning what he could about the ship and acting on that knowledge. That took chutz, and I sort of envy him for it.

I’m glad Amy can’t read my mind.

“This last video, it didn’t have a clue. I think we’re supposed to find the clue in this.” Amy picks up the canvas of Harley’s last painting and flips it over, showing me the sketch of the rabbit fields and the words Follow me down the rabbit hole .

“You think he hid something in the rabbit fields?” I ask doubtfully. After all, the rabbits don’t burrow holes, they make nests — they’re larger than the rabbits native to Sol-Earth, closer to hares.

“Yes, exactly,” she says. “Or, maybe he’s referring to another book.”

Ah. There it is. I’m not a chutz. Amy doesn’t actually think the clue is in the rabbit fields at all — she’s just trying to distract me. She’s probably already got the book she wants in mind.

But if she needs space, that’s the least I can give her, even if the space she needs spreads out between us like flooding water.

I watch as Amy silently prepares to face the people outside the safety of her room. She wraps a long length of material around her hair and twists it in a low bun. She drops her cross necklace under her tunic with one hand while reaching for a long-sleeved hooded jacket with the other. She does all of this in a quick, fluid motion, as if she’s done it many times before. I hate the way that hiding who she is has become a habit for her. But I don’t tell her not to bother.

We don’t really speak again until we’re on the path heading to the Recorder Hall. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?” I ask.

“I’m sure,” she says, and I don’t know if her voice is small because it has to weave its way through the shadows under her hood or if it’s because she’s hiding her fear. Whatever it is she’s not telling me, though, she’s determined to meet it herself.

Amy starts down the path toward the Recorder Hall, leaving me to go left, to search for rabbit holes when we both know Orion’s next clue is probably in whatever book she’s thinking of. She looks so… defeated, with her hood pulled up, her shoulders hunched, and her eyes on the ground.

“No.” I stride forward and in a few steps am by her side. I grab her by the elbow.

“No?” she asks.

“I know you’re still mad at me,” I start.

“No, not really—”

“You are, and that’s okay, I deserve it. And I know you’re trying to show how strong you are, to prove that you don’t need me, but there’s no reason for us to split up. You’re being stubborn. And listen.” I falter, and my voice drops. “I also know you’re not telling me something. And it’s fine — keep your secrets. But whatever it is that you’re not telling me scares you, and I’m not going to let you be scared and alone. So you’re sticking with me, and I’m sticking with you.”

Amy opens her mouth to protest.

“No arguments,” I say.

And for the first time in a long time, her smile reaches her eyes.

We visit the rabbit field first, even though I’m fairly sure Amy thinks we’ll find the answers in the Recorder Hall. We don’t talk after my outburst, but somewhere between the soy and the peanuts, we ease into a kind of mutual, friendly silence. It’s not awkward or weird or anything — we’re just strolling along the path next to each other.

The path narrows just before turning off to the rabbit field, and we both move toward the center at the same time. The back of my hand brushes hers. I snatch it away too quickly and shove it into my pocket, to make sure I don’t accidentally touch her again. When I glance down at Amy to see if she noticed, she glances up at me at the same time. She smiles, and I smile, and she bumps into my shoulder, and I bump into her shoulder, and we both sort of laugh without making a sound.

Then we see a rabbit hop across our path.

“That’s odd,” I say. “How did this one get loose?”

“The fence has been ripped down,” Amy says, pointing to where the flimsy chicken wire has been ripped from a post and trampled, leaving a gap in the fence wide enough for a man to just stroll through.

“Do you think something’s happened?” Amy whispers.

I don’t answer her. I don’t have to. The body sprawled out in the middle of the field is answer enough.

THE RABBIT FARM WAS WHERE I FIRST FELT HORROR. NOT fear — I’ve been scared many times in my life, both on this ship and on Earth. But I didn’t know horror until I looked into the eyes of the girl on the rabbit farm and realized that she was empty inside.

Now, when Elder rolls the body in the field over so we can see the face, I can see that, once again, the girl at the rabbit farm has empty eyes.

I drop to my knees beside her. Elder has his hand on his neck; he’s comming Doc and his police force, but it’s already too late. Much too late.

My mind takes note of the details in a detached way, even though the revulsion is bubbling up inside of me. The girl’s arms are spread wide, with deep purple bruises at her wrists. Finger marks encircle her throat. Her skirt has been pulled up. Her eyes are wide and stare unblinkingly at the metal sky. A large rabbit nuzzles her bare foot. The bottoms of her feet are grass-stained, her knees muddy, as if she ran and fell more than once.

I gently pull down the hem of her skirt so that it rests straight against her knees, almost covering the mud, and then I push her eyelids closed.

“Who would do this?” Elder asks.

We can do anything we want, Luthor said.

I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. I try to force them from me, but all that comes out is an almost inaudible sound of fear.

“What happened?” Doc calls as he rushes forward through the field. His assistant Kit follows him.

Doc starts to examine the body. I’m in the way, I know it, but I can’t seem to move until Kit puts her hand on my elbow and pulls me up. She draws me away from the body and faces me toward the walls, away from death.

“Here,” she says, offering me something. A small green med patch.