Frank Schätzing - Limit

‘So are you going to make a programme about what happened?’

‘Of course. Will you be on it?’

‘If you like.’

‘In that case can I take the opportunity to ask you some questions about your private life?’

‘No, you can only do that here.’ He winked at her. ‘As a friend .’

‘At the moment the word is that you’re being abandoned.’

‘Ah, right.’ He glanced away. ‘Yes, I think Olympiada mentioned something along those lines.’

‘Christ, Oleg!’

He shrugged. ‘What do you expect? Since we got married she’s left me every two weeks or so.’

‘She seems to mean it this time.’

‘I’d be glad if she would turn her thoughts into actions. Admittedly this is the first time she’s left me without being falling-down drunk.’

‘You don’t care?’

‘No! It’s way overdue.’

‘I’m sorry, but I don’t get this at all. Why don’t you just leave her , in that case?’

‘I did, ages ago.’

‘Officially, I mean.’

‘Because I promised her father I wouldn’t.’

‘I see. All that macho crap.’

‘What? Keeping your promises?’ Rogachev studied her. ‘Shall I tell you the biggest reproach she levels at me, Evelyn? Do you want to know? What do you think?’

‘No idea.’ She shrugged. ‘Infidelity? Cynicism?’

‘No. That I’ve never taken the trouble to lie to her. Can you imagine that? The trouble? ’

Confused, Evelyn said nothing.

‘But I don’t lie,’ said Rogachev. ‘You can accuse me of all sorts of things, probably rightly, but if there’s something that I’ve never done and never will do, it’s lying or breaking promises. Can you imagine that? Someone ignoring all your bad qualities and telling you off for your good one?’

‘Perhaps she means it’s more bearable—’

‘For whom? For her? She could have gone, at any time. She should never have married me. She knew me, she knew exactly who I am, and that Ginsburg and I were just trying to marry our fortunes together. But Olympiada agreed because she couldn’t think of anything better to do, and even today she can’t think of anything to do but suffer.’ Rogachev shook his head. ‘Believe me, I’ll never stop her. I’ll never force her to leave me. She may think I’ve degraded her, but she’s got to regain her own dignity. Olympiada says she’s dying by my side. That’s tough. But I can’t save her life, she has to save her own life, by going .’

Evelyn stared at her fingertips. Suddenly she saw the foot of the beetle coming down again, felt the creature’s pale eye settling on her from the realm of the dead. I see you, it said. I’ll watch you every day as you prepare yourself for death.

‘You’ve saved my life,’ she said quietly. ‘Did I ever thank you for that?’

‘I think you’re trying to right now,’ said Rogachev.

She hesitated. Then she leaned across and kissed him on the cheek.

‘I think you’ve got a few more positive characteristics,’ she said. ‘Even if you’re pretty ignorant otherwise.’

Rogachev nodded.

‘I should have started sooner,’ he said. ‘My father was a brave man, braver than the lot of us put together, but I couldn’t save his life. I try again every day, by piling up money for him, buying companies for him, submitting people to my will and thus to his, but still he is shot over and over again. He will never come back to life, and I don’t know how to deal with it. There’s no middle way, Evelyn. Either you’re too far away, or you’re too close to it.’

‘You’re not that far apart,’ hissed Amber. She was angry, because Julian and Tim could do nothing but bicker, and even angrier about the immovable persistence with which each clung to his resentment, while Lynn slept her time away as if under chloroform. ‘Both of you suspected her of being in a pact with Carl.’

‘Because that’s how she behaved,’ said Tim.

‘Ludicrous! As if Lynn would seriously have been capable of destroying her own hotel!’

‘You saw her yourself,’ bellowed Julian. ‘It may seem weird to us in retrospect, but Lynn is mentally disturbed.’

‘Not much gets past you, does it?’ sneered Tim.

‘That’s enough,’ Amber snapped at him. ‘This is kindergarten stuff. Either you learn to talk to each other sensibly, or it’ll be me you’re dealing with. Both of you!’

They had withdrawn into the landing module so as not to let the others see the spectacle of their rancour. Neither of them was any good at holding things back. The mouldering corpse of their family life lay naked and repulsive before them, ready for the autopsy. After the Io had rescued Nina Hedegaard from a hell of dust, and the surviving members of the group had climbed aboard the landing module to get back to the mother ship, Lynn had collapsed in tears. Immediately after the coupling manoeuvre, she had regained consciousness, without recognising anybody, faded away again and set off on a horrific twenty-four-hour journey. Since then she had looked more or less composed, except that she couldn’t remember most of what had happened on the Moon. Now she was asleep again.

‘Just to clear up a few things—’ Tim began.

‘Stop.’ Amber shook her head.

‘Why?’

‘I said, stop!’

‘You don’t know what I—’

‘I do. You want to attack your father! How long is this going to go on for? What are you actually accusing him of? Of making space travel economically viable? Of giving zillions of people jobs?’

‘No.’

‘Of making people’s dreams come true? Of fighting for clean energy, for a better world?’

‘Of course not.’

‘Then what?’ she yelled. ‘Oh, Christ, I’m so fed up with this wretched trench warfare. So fed up!’

‘Amber.’ Tim crouched down. ‘He didn’t care. When we—’

‘Care about what?’ she interrupted him. ‘Maybe he wasn’t there for you very often. As I see it, he cares day in, day out, for a weird cosmic phenomenon called humanity, which does all kinds of terrible, stupid things. Sorry, Tim, but I can’t stand the peevish way young people talk about their parents, even if they produce miracles, all that in-an-ideal-world claptrap – I don’t buy it, I’m afraid.’

‘It isn’t just that he wasn’t around,’ Tim defended himself, ‘but that on the few occasions when he should have been there, he wasn’t! That Crystal lost her m—’

‘You’re completely unfair, you little shit,’ Julian snorted. ‘Your mother had a genetic predisposition.’

‘Crap!’

‘She did! Capito, hombre? She’d have lost her mind even if I’d been there for her every hour of every day.’

‘You know very well that—’

‘No, she was sick! It was in her genes, and before I married her she’d fried half of her brain on coke anyway. And where Lynn’s concerned—’

‘Where Lynn’s concerned, you listen to me,’ Amber interrupted. ‘Because as a matter of fact, and Tim’s completely right here, you can’t look into anyone else’s head. You think life’s a film and you’re directing it, and everyone acts and thinks according to the script. I don’t know whether you really love Lynn, or only the part that she’s supposed to play for you—’

‘Of course I love her!’

‘Okay, you’ve done everything for her, you’ve made sure she had the best possible career, but have you ever been interested in her? Are you sure you’ve ever really been interested in anyone?’

‘Christ alive, why have I organised all this, in that case?’

‘No, no.’ She raised a finger. ‘Listen, little Julian, to what your aunt says! You make films and you cast people in them. With ten billion extras and Lynn in the main part.’