Kiini Salaam - Ancient, Ancient

“no, thank you,” i say. you must learn patience , i think to me hunterself. “i go with people i come with.”

“well,” george say, he look me body up & down with he eyes. “maybe next time.”

i smile, nod me head, & turn away. few seconds later i feel he hands on me waist & he lips close with me ear, “may i call you sometime, i’ll get your number from patrice.”

“yes.” inside me hunterself scream loud loud, yeeesssss. like i say, i think to me hunterself, patience. you must learn patience.

i stand there & watch them walk far. me hunterself dance mix wild of jig & salsa to celebration for me win. malkai shake me out me trance. his arms circle wild like wings huge. his anger make him not hold them.

“walilaheramina, what is wrong with you?!? why did you not go with them? why are you dragging this out?”

“you no ask why i drag this out. i ask why you in me assignment.”

“lila, you know i am always listening, & you know the elders are tuned in too. what will they think?”

“i no care what they think. they no have to lose life if they get wrong assignment. i only here weeks two, i want know he believe.”

“it is ‘two weeks,’ not ‘weeks two’ an—…”

“why you make joke of me talk every time.”

“walila, i am not making fun of your talking, i am just trying to correct you. if you took the time to learn how to speak properly, I would not have to bother you so much.”

“i hate words. they too many, too many—how is word to not have choice?”

“limited?”

“si, oui, yes, limited. i not can explain me in words. words make me eyes want to cry. i want to talk like i talk.”

“it is too dangerous walila, too many people are looking.”

“but you know true what i say, yes? when i have assignment in australia with people black, they no have word for ‘time.’ when i have assignment in canada, they no have word for ‘saudade.’ here, they no have word for ‘chillin.’ words no good. words too small.”

malkai look me with no care. more hard me try.

“i want talk feeling. i want talk things inside. love fill body. joy come toe bottom to head top. & hurt, hurt sting to finger end, & it jump in belly. words not story give. words fill only mouth. words not enough. i not want hear you say i talk bad.”

“o.k. walila, all i am saying is when you are lucky enough to find your assignment in the first month, you need to take advantage of it. if you keep prolonging jobs, you will be in the field forever.”

“you keep tell me to take time & learn language good. time same you want me hurry & finish job. it not so easy. i not want die.”

“die? you are so morbid. why are you always talking about dying. it is easy, you just follow the elders. they give you an assignment, you get the nectar, & you move on to your next assignment.”

“oh yeah? that not happen to ralinwa in london. if it so easy, tell me why ralinwa not in field now.”

“ralinwa was not thinking. her assignment had green blood. she should have known, if the assignment has green blood it usually means the nectar is bad.”

“and if she no know blood green?”

“she should look it up in the book.”

“malkai, book old… and elders use rules old still. book not always know. if parents not say blood green, it not be record. today it not simple so.”

malkai look at me & shake he head. he arms no circle so wild, but they move more still.

“malkai, you make like it all fault ralinwa, but what you say to indrasha or norkori or lorsenkipé? they assignments not have blood green. problem not is blood. is world new. different all is. we must see…”

i no take more. i no use words more. i no want speak of me people with words. i feeling me muscles move & me shoulder go up & bring flick arm. malkai first stand with no noise. then he turn & walk away. but i no see him leave. i letting me back arch into me familiar talk. i circle me foot on floor, then let me body dip into only talking i trust.

WaLiLa climbed into George’s jeep.

“I bet you didn’t think I’d call,” George said, kissing her quickly on the cheek.

“I not thinking you call day next,” WaLiLa teased. “Where you go me?”

“To dinner,” George said and grinned.

As George drove WaLiLa down the highway, the lights of the city disappeared. She felt the night had swallowed her whole. Night was usually a source of comfort for WaLiLa, but tonight it was full of uncertainty. MalKai did not like to think about it, but something powerful had destroyed RaLinWa… & hurt InDraSha, NorKoRi, & LorSenKiPé. MalKai did not like to think of RaLinWa’s twisted body shrouded in the grey strands of salve. Did not like to think of the elders’ futile attempts to restore the luster to InDraSha’s skin, NorKoRi’s eyes, & LorSenKiPé’s smile. But WaLiLa thought about it constantly. She often saw RaLinWa’s bony finger, frozen in its feeble attempt to lift in conversation. All the wounded had now was words. Even though they had returned home, InDraSha, NorKoRi, & LorSenKiPé couldn’t practice the body speak. They had no energy to raise their shoulders in greeting. They could not muster the strength to throw an arm flick with attitude. They lay weak & shriveled, deteriorating because of the poisonous nectar they took in from non-believers. i could be just like them after George , WaLiLa thought as she & George were driving deeper & deeper down night’s throat, further & further away from the lights of the city.

When George finally turned off the road into a driveway, WaLiLa was weak with apprehension. She slid out of her seat and looked at the huge house rising in front of her.

“Here dinner?” she asked.

“Yeah, I cooked,” George said with a wink.

WaLiLa felt a soft touch at her back. She turned & noticed a brown flutter flitting through the air. Instead of following George into the house, she followed the brown flutter around the side of the house. It flew onto the back porch where it landed on a white wall. WaLiLa crept onto the porch and stared at it intensely.

George opened the back door and stepped out onto the porch. He opened his mouth to ask WaLiLa what she was doing outside when he noticed her staring at a furry moth on the wall. The moth held no fascination for him; his eyes were drawn to WaLiLa’s face. She & the moth shared an unspoken kinship. Their brown bodies flitted as the moth escaped & WaLiLa shifted away from George’s stare.

WaLiLa followed the moth into the house where it settled onto a multicolored tapestry that was thrown over the back of a sofa. She knew the moth was the signal that the elders wanted her to strike. Sadness washed over her. George felt her sadness & responded as though she had spoken.

“I know how you feel,” he slowly uttered, reaching out as though to touch WaLiLa’s back. “It…it is so beautiful, that you want to touch it.” Then he drew his hand back as if to stop it from acting on its own, “but you are scared that if you do, it will fly away.”

i lay in circle on floor george. videos of music from france, canada, & haiti he show me before mix in me mind. i try not think on home. i know elders not like. ayy, lila, they say moving their shoulders rapidly in unison, you always do it the hard way. why tempt your emotions? you always have to be in control don’t you? why don’t you just complete your assignment & leave? when you are done working the field, you will find your love here, at home. i go sleep with remembering voice george…