Steven Campbell - Hard Luck Hank - Screw the Galaxy

“But what if it was a really big Dredel Led that I couldn’t kill? In someone’s basement, so I wasn’t sure if I could use my gun on it and I’m not—”

“Is there a Dredel Led here, Hank?” Jyonal asked.

I took a deep breath and held up my fingers as if to say, “Let me explain.”

“Sort of.”

Both of them immediately looked frightened.

“Are you going to kill it?” Jyen asked hopefully.

“Probably not.”

“And you want me to destroy it? If you can’t, what do you think it will do to me?” Jyonal asked.

“It’s not—um, it’s not really…” How do I explain this? “It’s just standing there. It’s not violent like the others were.”

“It’s friendly?” Jyen asked with skepticism.

“No. It’s more or less dormant.”

“So it’s not alive?” Jyonal asked.

“I’m not sure robots are really alive,” I philosophically opined.

“Alive enough to kill people,” he countered.

“Look, it’s got someone trapped in his basement and we need to—”

“Trapped? If it’s dormant, how is it trapping anything?” Jyonal asked.

I scratched my face.

“It moves. It seems to be following one guy. Not attacking. Though it does tend to dislike doorways,” I laughed.

“What’s that mean?” Jyen challenged.

“Nothing. I mean it’s kind of clumsy, that’s all.”

“Then why don’t you destroy it?” Jyonal asked.

“With what?”

“With whatever you killed the other ones with,” Jyen said.

“I almost died and this one is much, much bigger.”

“You said it was dormant,” Jyonal added with a hint of sarcasm.

“It is now, but if people are hitting it in the back of the head with a sledgehammer, I’m not so sure.”

“I don’t like the idea of Jyonal having to use drugs and getting near a Dredel Led,” Jyen said firmly.

“Can’t you do it from here?” I asked.

“Do what?” Jyonal asked.

“I don’t know. Vaporize it.”

Jyonal looked at me like I was extraordinarily stupid.

“I said it’s not magic. You can’t punch it from here, can you?”

“I’m not a level-ten mutant. I don’t know how you work,” I said defensively. “You didn’t see all those people when you electrocuted them.”

“It was an accident,” Jyen blurted.

“That emanates outward. You’re right, in that case I didn’t see what I was hitting. I can try and vaporize everything on Belvaille if you want.”

“No, no, that’s okay,” I said quickly. This wasn’t going as well as I had hoped. “So do you need to see it or what?”

“Yes.”

“He’s not getting near a Dredel Led,” Jyen stated with authority. “Especially if you’re afraid of it.”

“I didn’t say I was afraid of it.”

“You won’t kill it,” she said.

“Oh, I’m afraid of standing there kicking it, sure.”

“How did it get here? Is it partners with the other two?” Jyonal asked.

“No, it’s… a long story. But we need to get rid of it before the Navy touches down.”

“What happens if I can’t kill it?”

“And what happens if it attacks him?” Jyen asked.

“I’ll grab Jyonal and run.”

“Do you run faster than you walk?” Jyonal asked.

When we got to Delovoa’s place it was obvious he had done a little walking around because the door frames were absolutely wrecked, with the walls also dented, presumably from ZR3 following Delovoa.

“It did that?” Jyonal whispered with trepidation. “Those walls are a foot thick.”

I shushed him and told him to stay out of sight.

Delovoa had a beard, he must have lost ten pounds, the circles under his eyes were deep blue. The Dredel Led still stood sentry nearby. It was amusing in a sad way, but Delovoa might have been the most protected man in the entire Colmarian Confederation. What a bodyguard.

While Jyonal stayed in the other room I spoke down to Delovoa, who was still in the basement cornered by ZR3. I had to try and organize this without revealing Jyonal, because of my promise to keep their identities safe.

“Okay, I’ve got a way to help you,” I said gently. I was still not overly comfortable yelling over a lumbering Dredel Led.

“Thank you!” he yelled.

“What I need you to do, though, is you have to turn away and not turn back no matter what. And don’t—”

Delovoa immediately faced the wall. I was pretty certain if I told him he had to gnaw off one of his arms, he would have done it if it might mean the robot would finally leave.

“It’s going to take a bit. So cover your ears and don’t look.”

Delovoa did so without a word.

I brought Jyonal gingerly to the edge of the ramp to view the situation. He peeked past me, saw the Dredel Led, and hurried back into the other room.

“No way,” he whispered, his eyes bulging in fear. I should have given him the drugs first.

“But look, it’s standing right in front of some guy. And we’re up here and it doesn’t care. Just think of it as a big metal box.”

After some hesitation, Jyonal cracked open a capsule and rubbed the contents together between his hands like he was trying to warm himself. I wasn’t sure if that was the drug or preparation or what, but I wasn’t about to disturb him.

If Jyonal could only manipulate things he could see, how did he build his body? How did he like, make his heart? Maybe they were exaggerating. He did look a lot better than when I first saw him, much more complete. Something told me it wasn’t because he was taking vitamins.

Delovoa was patiently sitting in the corner, not moving an inch. I don’t know why I told him to cover his ears; now I can’t tell him to do anything else if we need him to—not without walking past the Dredel Led, which I wasn’t going to do.

I stood waiting for a level-ten mutant to get high while staring at a rather large specimen of an aggressive alien species. It troubled me that this did not feel out of the ordinary.

How was I going to know when Jyonal was ready? Did I point him like a gun and say “bang”?

Jyonal slid to the floor then fell on his face.

Next time I’ll ask about this stuff. If I go over there and pick him up, what if he turns me to jelly? I opted to leave him to his own devices.

Jyonal began mumbling to himself after a while, which was highly unsettling. It was frantic, I’m-not-having-a-good-time mumbling. I became concerned enough that I finally went over to try and rouse him. Gently.

I got him to his feet and when he opened his eyes, I was practically blinded by that eerie light he projected when he was high. It’s easy to forget you’re standing around a living god when he’s not earthquaking things.

I moved him to the basement ramp.

“See, Jyonal? See the robot? Remember?” I said in a motherly voice.

“Robot. Yeah. Hi there. Haha.”

“Remember what you have to do?”

“I got it.”

He stood up straighter so that I was no longer supporting him. Heat poured off his body, enough that I could feel it from a few feet away. I was watching the robot, waiting for it to explode. I didn’t look directly at Jyonal.

But ZR3 did.

It twisted its torso to face us. And then began righting its legs, sending shock waves through the metal floor.

“Oh, crap.”

It took one step towards us and I heaved Jyonal over my shoulder and did my best impersonation of an extremely panicked flight out of the building.

The pounding footsteps of the Dredel Led could still be felt as I left Delovoa’s house, a drugged mutant on my shoulder.

All I could hear, though, was Jyonal laughing.

A ways down the street, I felt my feet skidding out from under me and looked down to see my boots had been changed into giant clown shoes. Jyonal laughed even harder.