Steven Campbell - Hard Luck Hank - Screw the Galaxy

“Yeah.”

“How in the million suns did you get that much?” she asked.

“I have a source,” I said.

“No. No,” she repeated, standing. “You’re going to tell me where you got it, where it is now, and who I need to have killed. Wait, does this have anything to do with everyone passing out?”

I thought about this.

“It does!” Garm began looking around and I was sure she was searching for her gun.

“Wait, that’s not the really bad news,” I interrupted.

Garm looked truly frightened and stood up straight, as if awaiting her execution.

“There’s… a Dredel Led still on Belvaille.”

Garm’s eyes darted around as she processed this, like it might be hiding underneath one of her golden tables.

“Delovoa kind of owns it. It’s in his basement. It was deactivated, but it somehow got turned on and now it follows him around.”

Garm was about to say something. Her lips formed and unformed multiple times.

“I guess he bought it years ago and it was inoperable,” I continued. “Then we were in his basement and it started talking. It hasn’t—it doesn’t seem violent. But it’s really large and I doubt we can damage it.”

Garm took a seat again and put her head in her hands. I waited, hoping she wouldn’t be too mad and might have some advice on how to proceed.

Then I heard an odd sound. I looked back and Garm… Garm was crying.

Garm. Crying.

I didn’t know what to do. It was like my reality was unraveling. Garm was unbeatable. Unflappable. And here she was, right in front of me, crying.

“W-What are you doing?” I asked dumbly.

She looked up and her face was red and tears were streaming down like two angry, feminine rivers.

“We are this close. THIS close to having the military just kill us all. Just wipe us away. And I’m doing everything I can, everything I possibly can to prevent that. And you tell me you just happen to have a damn continent’s worth of the rarest, most destructive substance in the galaxy. And we also happen to have an affable Dredel Led hanging out in someone’s basement.”

It did sound kind of lousy like that. But I was shocked into silence by Garm’s tears.

“What do you want me to do, Hank? Eat the delfiblinium? Maybe flush it down the toilet? That’s probably why they haven’t come through yet. They’re waiting for Belvaille to explode.”

“I was thinking maybe we could put it in a rocket and launch it from a ship before the Navy gets here,” I suggested.

“Oh, yeah. No one will notice that. We launch missiles all the time on our space station. And Delovoa bought a Dredel Led? He’s dumber than you are.”

I agreed with her there.

“What should we do?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” she answered angrily. “Killing Delovoa would be a good place to start.”

“I’m not sure how the robot will react,” I replied.

“What, is it like nipping at his heels? Like a pet?” she asked sarcastically.

“Yeah, pretty much. Though it’s also knocking apart his walls as it moves around.”

Garm soaked that in.

“Why did this have to happen now? Where did you get the metal, Hank?”

“I promised I wouldn’t tell,” I said.

Garm was calm. I think because she was spent. Her eyelids looked heavy.

“I don’t care what you promised. I’m about ready to throw you out the airlock.”

“That wouldn’t get rid of the metal or the Dredel Led,” I answered. “And you said the Navy wanted to talk to me personally.”

She smirked at me calling her bluff.

“Can your pistol destroy the robot?”

“It’s really big. Much bigger than the others. Delovoa said he had used every tool he had to try and open it up and nothing worked. So I’m not sure. I don’t even know if my pistol still shoots.”

“That’s great,” Garm said. “I’d say use the delfiblinium on the robot, but that would kill everyone here. Two hundred pounds?”

Garm put her head in her hands again and I prayed she wasn’t going to cry.

“What, are you a drug dealer now?” she asked absently, pointing to the drugs Grever Treest had given me. I had been carrying them around for when I eventually went to talk to Jyonal.

“No, it’s just…” Hey. Jyonal could get rid of that Dredel Led. What was I thinking? I was friends with a level-ten mutant. He could probably turn that robot into a large trash can with just a few drinks. “Never mind,” I said, “I think I might have an idea for the Dredel Led.”

Garm looked at me with dead eyes.

“And what is your idea?”

I went to the door.

“I’ll take care of it. Should I bring over the delfiblinium?”

“No, you shouldn’t bring over the delfiblinium,” she answered tersely. “What’s your idea?”

I was out the door. Garm, who can probably crawl faster than I can run, was right behind me.

“Guards, stop him,” she said.

I looked at the two guards, who were sitting down playing cards. They looked back at Garm.

“Uh,” one of them said.

“Don’t worry about it, Garm. Trust me.”

This wasn’t like the other Dredel Led, who were cannon-toting and rather surly. ZR3 had a one-word vocabulary and enjoyed standing under tarps for years at a stretch. Jyonal wouldn’t have to worry about it attacking him at all.

I didn’t know how Jyonal’s powers worked. Did he have to see the robot? Could he just think it away? I mean it was undoubtedly the only Dredel Led on the station. Could he just say, “Turn all the robots on Belvaille to rubber”?

I stopped at my apartment, first to change my socks, then to use the bathroom. I still had the ore and Garm hadn’t given me any hints on how to dispose of it. I suppose I could just leave it out in plain sight at the docks with a sign over it saying, “Free delfiblinium,” for when the Navy arrived.

I hopped across the street and went up to ask Jyonal how he felt about killing robots.

The door opened and there stood Jyen with green skin wearing even less clothes than usual.

“Hank,” she squealed and hugged me.

“Is Jyonal home?”

“Do you like it?” she asked, twirling around, showing off her body like she had just discovered it.

“Yup, so is he here?”

“I wanted a change of colors. I’m not sure if it’s better than blue. What do you think?”

“Great,” I said, trying to ignore the half-naked, flirty woman next to me.

“Hey, now that the Portal is open, do you think we can leave?”

I looked at her.

“You guys are leaving again?”

“Well, you’re coming with us, right?”

“Is that Hank?”

Jyonal walked into the room looking good in a custom suit. The design had recently become popular; it was supposed to make guys look tougher with angles everywhere. Both of them looked like true Belvaille natives.

“Hi,” I said, rushing over to shake his hand.

“What brings you here?” he asked. “Want to go clubbing?”

“Hmm. Maybe later. But I was just thinking,” I began. Then realized I had not planned how I was going to broach this. “You want some drugs?” I asked, holding up the bag.

Jyonal looked disappointed.

“Oh.”

Jyen stepped between us and took hold of my arm with both hands. I’m going to have to remember to shove ice in my pants when I come over here.

“Jyonal has given up drugs,” she said. “Both of us are trying not to use our mutations…”

“It’s really done nothing but brought us trouble,” Jyonal finished.

“Yeah,” I agreed quietly. “What if, though,” and I tapped my lips thoughtfully. “What if there was a good reason? Like a Dredel Led nearby.”

“We’d just ask you to kill it,” Jyen laughed, bouncing on the balls of her feet like a child.