Steven Campbell - Hard Luck Hank - Basketful of Crap

“Yeah? Why not?”

“My boss will kill me.”

“Have your boss come talk to me if there’s a problem.”

I just wasn’t in the mood. I began to walk past him and he moved in front to try and block my entrance. I kept walking. He fell backwards and I did my best not to step on his chest, but I did step on his arm which made him cry out in pain.

“Sorry.”

Inside, I found Bronze easily since he was jumping up and down and waving his arms.

I went over to his table and saw there was an attractive woman sitting next to him and judiciously not looking at me.

“Hank! Hey, buddy. Sit down! Sit down.”

I put my autocannon on the floor and sat, feeling the booth tilt dangerously under me.

“This is my gal, Tuem-tai,” he said, introducing the woman, who still wasn’t looking.

Since she hadn’t acknowledged my presence, I felt it was okay to talk about anything I wanted.

“What happened to Garm?” I asked, surprised.

Bronze also didn’t seem to mind talking about anything.

“Garm’s my old lady. You know? She’s a real keeper. We’re just having fun,” he said, indicating his booth-mate.

I felt that Bronze did not know Garm very well.

“Um.” How should I broach this? I liked Bronze. “You know Garm is a really good fighter, right?”

“She’s a firebrand alright!”

“No. I mean. She might kill you. Her too.”

I expected that mention of her potential death might stir the woman to pay attention to our conversation, but I was wrong.

“I think I might ask Garm to marry me,” Bronze said. “Do you think she would go for it?”

The waiter came over and I thankfully ordered some food. Ten orders with five to go.

“You must be hungry from fighting Wallow! You get paid for that or did you just need to thump him?”

I shook my head at the concept.

“Have you ever seen Wallow?”

“Yeah, sure did. He seems like a nice guy—though I’m sure you had your reasons for busting him. We chatted a few days ago.”

“What? You talked to him?”

“It wasn’t exactly talking, I about broke my voice shouting. He says he been here a long time. He’s been working for Zadeck for I think seventy years. He used to be a miner and Zadeck bought the mine and took him out. Then they came here.”

My mouth hung open.

No one had ever learned Wallow’s story. And no one “talked” to him. You got the hell out of his way. How did Bronze do it?

“So Hank, you know of any jobs that I could do? I got kicked out of my apartment.”

“How can you get kicked out of a place in Deadsouth? No one owns those buildings.”

“I guess I wasn’t really kicked out. But some people are looking for me around there so I can’t go back.”

“Who? I can probably talk to them and straighten it out.”

“Nah, it’s not like that. Just women problems.”

“Who, Garm?”

“What? No. Different ones. My life isn’t complete unless ten ex-girlfriends are mad at me.”

For someone who had such luck with the ladies he sure managed to squander it.

“You’re going to die,” I said.

“Not if I keep moving. I understand if you can’t, but you think I could crash at your place for a few days?”

“My apartment was turned into a lump of metal by Wallow. And I got more dangerous people after me than jilted lovers.”

“It’s cool. I would appreciate it if any work comes along you think of me, though.”

“Sure.”

I felt a lot better after my meal and talking to Bronze, who was always entertaining. On the way out I saw the bouncer rubbing his arm.

“You okay?” I asked him.

“I think you sprained my shoulder,” he said dejectedly.

I sighed.

I passed him fifty credits via tele.

“We square?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, though not exactly ecstatic.

Which was fine, I didn’t want it to be so profitable to hassle me that everyone started doing it.

I opened the door to my temporary home and in my new living room stood Naked Guy.

“You know, this is getting old. I don’t know why I even bother locking the door.”

Forget it. I didn’t owe him anything. I swung my gun into position and loaded an armor piercing round.

“You know what this is?” I asked him rhetorically.

“It looks like an autocannon. Somewhere between thirty and forty millimeters. With the belt feed and motor removed and replaced by a manual operation,” he said in his usual blasé manner.

That was a bit disconcerting.

“Yeah… well, do you know what it can do to you?”

“Yes.”

I didn’t really have a follow-up for that.

“How did you find me? How did you get in here?”

“We located the Gandrine. Security bypass systems are one of our products.”

“How did the Gandrine find me?”

“You should ask them.”

“Did you know you have biological—um, made soldiers?” I accused.

“Recombinant Heterokaryotic Clones.”

“What if they sneeze?” was all I could come up with.

“They are incapable of sneezing. Their bodies lack that function.”

“But what if I injected some of their blood? That could kill a whole planet because of their DNA.”

“I would not advise injecting anyone’s blood.”

“Yeah but… it’s worse with them.” But that seemed a shaky concern so I switched tactics. “Besides, aren’t they illegal?”

“Not on Belvaille.”

“But they’re galactic treaty illegal.”

“Belvaille is not a signatory to that treaty. Section 4.3.7 subsection B on Independent Protectorates details our rights and limitations. They have been upheld in the courts.”

“Alright. But why do you guys have them?”

“When one corporation began using them, we all had to. Just like with the armored carriers. It became an escalation factor. We can replace them far easier than regular employees.”

“Why not just hire the people already on the station? There are plenty of us.”

“We have. I already hired you once and I’m here to ask again.”

“Oh.”

“And we believe they will not always be illegal within the Confederation. We want to have the technology perfected when that opportunity arises,” he stated.

Now my real issue:

“You made me wear a diaper,” I said angrily.

“I suppose you could call it that.”

“Why?”

“You said you didn’t want to wear our uniform. I needed for you to be identifiable by our soldiers. That’s why all the corporations wear uniforms. So the clones do not attack each other.”

“But why a diaper?”

“Because I felt it was unlikely that anyone would clad themselves in such a garment and thus it was safe to instruct our soldiers to avoid engaging the wearer of one.”

I was not happy with that answer, but I guess I understood it.

“Do you have Portals in the freighter ships attached to Belvaille?”

“Yes.”

Through my rigorous inquiries, he had remained Naked Guy and didn’t seem uncomfortable or flustered or like I had caught him in anything. He answered immediately and without concern.

I put my autocannon down by the door.

“Whatever. So what is it you want?”

“As I said, I wish to hire you.”

“No. Just no. I can’t be killing any more people who live here. That’s not who I am. Sorry, you need to get someone else. I don’t care what you’re paying.”

“I wish to hire you to attack a rival corporation.”

Now we’re talking!

“Wait. That would take an army. They’re too entrenched. And they got all those biological guys. Whatever you called them. And vehicles. It would be suicide.”

“Any amount of money you require can be made available,” he said.