David Farland - Lords of the Seventh Swarm

I can’t give myself to Tallea. Orick thought, but I can give her the gospel. She was in my dream last night, too. God has commanded me to speak to her. Yet how can I talk to her?

Tallea knew that Orick prayed. She’d joined him on a few occasions. Her attitude toward Christianity was respectful, though she seemed to think it quaint.

Where do I begin? Orick considered. How do I convince Tallea? Without realizing it. he’d decided to preach to her first-his closest friend. Yet the thought frightened him. He feared that Tallea would reject him.

Orick considered the words of the prophet Nephi from the Tome: “I will go and do what the Lord has commanded, for I know that he giveth no commandment unto the children of men, save he shall first prepare a way for them to do that which he has commanded.” The verse filled him with resolve.

Well then, Orick decided. That’s it then. I saw everyone in my vision last night, so I’ll convert them all-Tallea, these folks on Ruin, even the dronon.

But at the thought of the dronon, even Orick’s stout heart faltered. Right now, Tallea seemed daunting enough.

Orick and Tallea watched as Gallen had the droids pack supplies. Felph’s young daughter, Athena, watched Gallen, quietly offering suggestions now and then. “Use the bigger, more powerful glow globes,” she said.

Felph challenged, “But won’t they draw predators?”

“Down as far in the tangle as we’ll be, most predators hunt by smell; anything that can see our light would sniff out our trail anyway. But the brighter lights might blind them.”

Felph grunted his assent, and they took the larger globes. Athena seemed to understand the dangers of the tangle better than any other.

Orick followed Tallea into the Nightswift .

Tallea watched Maggie through a shaded window. As a Caldurian, Tallea had spent a lifetime protecting the helpless. That is what drew her to Maggie now.

Orick said, “I know you want to stay with Maggie, I’m glad you chose to come with me.”

“Why?” Tallea asked, her voice hopeful. She turned her full attention to him, eyes sparkling.

Now it was Orick’s turn to pace. The big black bear hung his head, half closed his eyes. “I wanted to speak to you about something.”

He let the silence drag out, and Tallea seemed to take it for a bad sign. She sighed, shook her shaggy head. “Please, Orick, you don’t need to say it.”

“What?” Orick asked.

“You want me to go away,” Tallea answered. “I’ve felt it coming. We Caldurians are used to it. We bond with those we serve, and sometimes we crave too much affection from our masters. I didn’t mean to do that to you. I–I’ll leave.”

Orick could hear in the hollowness of her voice how much those words cost her. She turned, trying to hide the tears that welled in her eyes, and Orick wanted to comfort her. Yet he held back. To offer affection now might only hurt her more in the long run.

“I’ll find a way to be happy,” Tallea said. “Even Caldurians can forget in time.”

“Wait!” Orick said, “That’s not what I wanted to say. It’s another matter entirely. I know it’s a hard thing to ask, but I wanted-I mean I’ve wondered-”

“Yes?” Tallea said, heaving a sigh of relief.

“How you feel about God?” Orick blurted.

Tallea sat, stunned. It was a simple question, yet it took her off guard. At length she said, “Some people say there are gods, and some say not. I know you believe in one God, though you say he has a son-who is also God-and a spirit, who sounds to me like a third god. To tell the truth, you sound confused, Orick. At the very least, I’m not sure how well you count.”

Orick almost laughed. He was surprised at how much she’d understood, given how little he’d told her. “I worship one God,” Orick admitted, “just as His son worshiped Him. I worship one God, just as the Holy Spirit serves Him. So you see, the other two hold a place of honor, they are subservient to one supreme deity.”

“That makes sense now,” Tallea admitted.

“The thing is, uh,” Orick said, unsure how to proceed, “if there were a God who had created this universe, and if He could hear and understand your innermost thoughts and needs, doesn’t it make sense that He could talk to you?”

Tallea considered. “I don’t know. If you think he could create the universe and hear our thoughts, then, if he has such power, he ought to be able to talk.”

Orick stared into her eyes. They held a desperation he had never seen before. He said, “And if such a being existed, how could I prove His existence to you?”

Tallea said, “I doubt that you could.”

“What if He spoke to you?”

Tallea considered. “That wouldn’t prove anything. It would only mean that something was speaking to me, It doesn’t necessarily mean that that something is your God. It could be a liar.”

“But it might prove there are greater powers in the universe than ourselves,” Orick said. “Right?”

Tallea considered. “It stands to reason that there are.”

“Then, I want you to talk to God, and listen to what He has to say,” Orick concluded.

“Why-what would I want to talk to him for?”

“Because He created us,” Orick said. “Because He is the father of our spirits, and He wants us to be happy.”

“But I already am happy,” Tallea said, and almost as soon as she said it, she scrunched her nose, as if recognizing the depth of the lie. She was miserable, Orick knew.

She loved Orick. She loved him so much, she had given up her life, her humanity, to be with him, and now she feared that he would never love her in return. As a bear who was genetically enhanced to be something more than other female bears, Tallea was unique in the universe. If Orick did not return her love, she would end up alone. How, could she say she was happy? It wasn’t true, but the lie had come swiftly to her lips simply because she was so miserable. She couldn’t admit it even to herself.

Of course, she had lied because she knew what Orick was asking. He wanted her to embark on a dangerous journey, to discover God. She said angrily, “The truth is, I don’t want anything to do with your God. If he tells you that you can’t love me, that you can’t marry me no matter how much you love me, then I don’t give a damn whether he created me or not. You say he wants me to be happy: well, I know what I need to be happy!”

Orick frowned. He tried to speak, but only a mumble came out. Of course she would be angry with? But Orick also knew she was lying still. The truth was that if she discovered that God lived, she’d have to make some difficult changes in her life, and Orick knew that for many, it was easier to deny God’s existence than to change.

Orick didn’t know how to proceed, what to say next. Should he lie, say that if she discovered God, her life would be easy? The truth was it might be harder. God requires hard things of His disciples. Should he ask her not to be angry at God? What good would that do?

He half turned to leave, then stopped. “You say you don’t want to know Him, but you know me, and you love me. You had better figure out why you love me, because I tell you this: He shaped my heart and soul, as well as my body.”

He turned to leave, and though his words were as honest and as humble as any Orick could muster, he knew he’d left volumes unsaid. Perhaps he’d been wrong to come to Tallea without any thought or preparation.

“Ah, forgive me,” Orick said, not quite able to turn his back on her. “I don’t know how to say this. I’m making a mess of it.” He would have left then, but as he turned, Tallea must have recognized his frustration.

“I love your kindness,” Tallea said, filling the silent void. “Is your god kind?”