Robert Adams - The Death of a Legend

“But then, love, when I had almost recovered and had already set about seducing Drehkos, one of my own, cursed kind, you reappeared; riding your big, black horse out of the unknown and back into my life. That Bili was not the same as he who rode into those unmapped lands; the Bili who rode out was far older and wiser than his years, aged and altered by care and suffering. But that love that I so prized and so feared did not recognize or care, rather did it spring in a bare moment into full and vibrant blossom, like some lovely, magical, but dreaded flower.

“And that old, old flower is in full blossom still, my dearest, although its cruel thorns have raked and torn my heart each day and night of the forty years since last I saw you, touched you… kissed you. Oh, dear Bili, did you not ever wonder why I have mindspoken you occasionally, yet never have come near to you, have indeed so arranged my travels that we two never would be in the same place at the same time?”

“I knew, my lady, I knew why,” Bili answered gently. “The Lady Mara once tried to tell me why, so too did Tim and Gil, but they could sense in my mind that there was no reason, that I knew… and understood, for I have never ceased to love you, my lady, or to miss your dear self beside me, by day and by night, and I too have often wished that we might grow old together and, finally, go to Wind together. But wishing will not, cannot make it come to pass.

“Yes, my lady, life and the forces that serve to shape it have treated us two and the love we shared most cruelly. But then that is the way of life and our world, Aldora. It is rare that they treat love or lovers kindly, be those lovers Undying or mortals.

“But, my love, you must not speak of, think of, ending your life prematurely, for this great Confederation of ours, its tens of thousands of folk, depend in many ways upon you and your countless talents.”

“But… but, Bili, you are… are dying, they all say. It has been hard enough to bear when you were but a day’s ride distant, when I could, if I wished, mindspeak with you. Oh, my dear love, how can I live on the endless, empty years with you gone forever?”

“You will live one day after the other, Aldora, and someday, somehow, somewhere, Nature will compensate your loss—though you may not immediately recognize that compensation for what it really is. This is fact, not speculation, my love, I know of my own experiences. You are being robbed of but one love, Aldora, but think you back—I have been denied every woman I ever loved, by death or by unalterable circumstance.

“I, too, have suffered, Aldora, for the most part of what has been a very long life… for a mortal man. Suicide would have been easy for me, for I do not fear death. Right often over the years have I contemplated or even fondled some dirk or dagger of mine, absently weighing the slight and fleeting bite of the steel against the long, dull suffering it would so quickly assuage, erase forever. “But then, always, have I recalled my duties, my many responsibilities to my overlords and the Confederation, to the folk I rule and administer, to my clan and house. So I always have sheathed the bright, sharp steel and forgotten it in the press of everyday affairs. So must you put aside your disloyal, selfish thoughts, Aldora, remembering instead your duties and all those—many of them still unborn—who depend and will depend upon you.”

Then he asked, “Are you here, love, in my palace?”

There was infinite sadness and a touch of shame in her beaming. “No, my Bili, no. I am far north and west, with the army, in the southerly reaches of what used to be the Kingdom of Ohyoh, years back. I… I could not force myself to come to your… your death, Bili. I would… I must remember you as… as you were when last we met… and loved. So I sent Tim, instead; he might even be there by now, if he was blessed with dry roads and no delays.”

“Then, are we to converse more while still we can, Aldora, you must range me again in a few hours. The pain is returning, stronger this time. I must mindcall the physician, and you will not be able to get through to my mind while his drugs are in full effect. I regret this necessity, my dear, but this pain is more than I can endure.”

“So, you see, Tim,” said Milo, “although it will probably mean I’ll have to take your place with the army in the field, for however long it takes us to find and groom a new prince, it is imperative that Karaleenos in particular remain under a firm, strong hand after Bill’s death. Aldora is a superlative tactician, especially of cavalry, but she had never been a talented strategist, as you are by now aware. Drehkos is much like her in that respect. Also, I don’t know how this Confederation of ours would get along without him administering its affairs from Theesispolis.

“Mara is a good fighter, as too are Gil and Neeka, but none of them has ever shown any military command potential. So you must stay here, in Karaleenos, for a while and I must go back into active campaigning, in the west, for the same amount of time. That’s just the way the stick floats, Tim.” “And what of me?” demanded Gil. “Can I stay here, with Tim, or must I go back up to Theesispolis?”

Milo smiled. “Do whichever you wish, Gil. Neeka goes west with me, but I’m certain Drehkos and Mara can fumble along without the two of you for a while. If they should need help for some reason or other, you’re not very far from the capital, here. Besides, if you’re here with him, there’ll certainly be a bit less fast and frequent traffic on the roads between here and Theesispolis.” Tim and Gil, sitting each with an arm about the well-loved other and hands clasped tightly, looked and radiated their pleasure at the arrangement. But Neeka’s sloe-black eyes regarded Milo with a look compounded of trouble, unease and hurt.

A little later, when Tim and Gil had departed the tower chamber that Tim might bathe, sleep and restore himself after his long, hard journey, Neeka asked, softly. “Why are you taking me west with you, Milo? Is it because you truly want me near to you? Or is it really because you still distrust me?”

Milo drank from his silver goblet, regarding the saturnine beauty over the chased rim, with a look of mockery and mirth.

“Distrust you?” he mindspoke, on a level which very few anywhere in the Confederation could have intercepted. “Of course not, girl, you’re being silly. I did at one time, twenty years or so back, and with good cause, you must admit. But when once we’d delved the furthest corners of your mind, gotten to and first explored, then thwarted or prepared for our own use all of those subconscious guides and instructions that those devilish Witchmen had implanted, there was no longer any slightest reason to distrust you.

“No, pet, I’m taking you with me for the simplest and the most basic of reasons: still, after nearly a half century, do I lust after that fine, ripe body of yours. Campaigning in those mountains is no fun, especially for a commander. Aldora is certain to have chosen herself a lover or five from among her officers, for as rank hath its responsibilities, rank also hath its privileges. Moon Maidens are just not to my rather discriminating tastes—too skinny and muscular and flat-chested, most of them. So why not take along a woman who does suit my fancy, eh?”

Neeka treated him to a sidelong gaze and a quick half-smile, which fleeted across her full, dark-red lips, then was gone. Picking absorbedly at the gold-thread embroidery of her garments, she mindspoke on the same vastly advanced level. Of all the Undying—Milo, Mara, Aldora, Drehkos, Tim and Gil—only Neeka, Aldora, Milo and one mortal man, who now lay dying in this very palace, had ever been able to attain the use of that level of communication. “Naturally, I’m flattered, Milo. What seventy-odd-year-old woman wouldn’t be? And while I know I would be very happy there, with you, still I think it best that I stay in the capital, or at least somewhere here in the east.” His brows elevated sharply. “Why, Neeka? Have you, then, tired of this exceedingly ancient one as a lover?”