Bud Sparhawk - Sam Boone and the Thermal Couple

“Do you want me to find out when the next ship leaves?” blinked the dour Sallow Yellow Orange.

One week into the deadline and Sam was no closer to the heart of the matter than he had been before. No matter how he phrased it neither of the races seemed to trust the other to keep any agreement that they might make. How could two star-faring races be so obtuse when it came to a simple matter of understanding that they had no basis whatsoever for conflict; no reason for their silly war? How could the matter of simple possession of a system be so important that it overlooked the facts of each race’s differing environmental needs? Was their stupid alien symbolism sp important that it overrode all other considerations? How was he expected to find the middle ground on which the two could agree?

He stopped cold. What was that thought? “Middle ground?” Something was suddenly making itself felt among the few remaining cells on his overworked brain. Maybe how had never been the question; perhaps the real question he should have been asking himself was why!

And once he knew what the question must be the rest fell immediately into place.

“Bum-da-bum-bum-da-dah, da-dah, clickety click clickety click click, orange, green, green, blue, purple, white—Yahoo!” he yelled and leaped from his perch onto the table. Sslivira dodged away from his dancing feet and scurried to the opposite end.

“Listen to me,” Sam said to the astounded aliens, who must have thought that he had taken leave of his senses. “I know what we have to say to them!”

Hours later the team was in place with all three of the team members looking expectantly in his direction. Even Ahbbbb had come to the chamber to see what her agent had up his sleeve.

Sam looked around to make sure that everything was in order; this was no time for a screw-up. He cleared his throat and spoke very softly into the translator, pausing periodically for the clicking, chirping, flashing machine to finish before he continued. A further pause was required while he waited for the long translation path to be completed through the Gamerians and the Resnicca to the waiting Ginnungagup and the Sutr. It was an arduous and exhausting way to work but it had to be done precisely if he was to have any chance of success.

“On the shore is a rock,” he began. “When the tide is in, the ocean possesses the rock and holds it dear.” He paused as the translation proceeded. The Sutr, if his guess was right, would conceive of the sea as the sun that blasted their world’s surface with its blazing photosphere. The analog of the tide would be that world’s periodic bath in the fiery heat.

At the same time he hoped that the Ginnungagup’s world had a shore and a primary that gave some semblance of tides. Certainly they had some sort of periodic ebb and flow that would make the metaphor work. The last rattling bellow from the Gamerian translator finished just as the torus over at the Sutr habitat stopped its spurting.

“But when the tide goes out,” he continued, “the land owns the rock and does as it will with it.” He waited until the tortuous translation of the replies finished.

“We understand,” was the reply. Actually the words were more like, “The taste is pleasant,” and “We share a womb,” respectively. Sam waited a long while to give them time to consider his words.

“Mhmmmm! Hhhmmmhm mmh! Well, dummy, finish the story!” Ahbbbb drummed with impatience.

Sam looked at her and smiled. “It will cost you,” he said slyly as the translator hummed away.

Ahbbbb turned an even darker shade of gray. “All right,” she said finally. “Even share of the profits!”

“Excellent offer,” Sam responded and turned to his team. “Now translate this as precisely as you can,” he instructed, and waited while the three prepared their links. Ahbbbb fidgeted even more as a menacing hum began to build from her bladders.

“There is no rock!” he declared simply.

Pandemonium reigned as the translation rocked along the line, with each translator instantly understanding the metaphor in their own environment. The thundering from the large container and the sparkling and glistening inside the smaller one showed that his point had been scored. The responses came back quickly. “A bland taste is none,” the Sutr acknowledged. “The cow is absent,” the other boomed.

They would ignore each other’s existence. The dispute was over.

Ahbbbb drummed her bladders in satisfaction as she waited with Sam by the embarkation chamber for their respective transports to arrive. “Hhmmm, mmmmhm, mummmm. A most salutary solution to the problem posed by the aliens. You are well worth the outrageous sums we demand, Sam. I am continually amazed at how you manage to win success from absolute failure and cheat me of my profits.”

Sam scuffled his feet in embarrassment. Since the final breakthrough he had been subjected to a constant barrage of congratulations from every alien within the station: The Ja’aar turned their backs on him whenever he passed as a gesture of respect and trust; Sallow Yellow Orange flashed a blinding litany of praise; and even reticent Sslivira clicked a constant cacophony of respect.

It was nice to be appreciated, but what he really longed for was some distance from these ubiquitous alien presences. He longed for the company of his own kind—even if they were illusions. Not to put too fine a point on it, but even Ahbbbb was starting to look pretty good to him after all of these other exotic forms.

“But what made you think of it?” she hummed. “How did you grasp on the precise metaphor that they would both understand?”

“Oh,” Sam said with a hint of modesty. “Let’s just say that it was a littoral translation.”

“I still don’t understand why you felt that you had to come out here to deal with me directly,” Sam hummed to Ahbbbb. “An ansible link would have been a lot cheaper, and you wouldn’t have to lose so much time from the office.”

Ahbbbb’s bladders fluttered with embarrassment as her appendages drummed out a stuttering reply. “This was not the reason I had for coming here. There is a problem that needs your special attention.” She paused for a moment. “I needed to come out here to finalize the matter. It is the biggest commission we’ve ever seen; far larger than you can imagine. It is such an honor for you to be selected, not to mention costing me a fortune in bribes and contributions. And all you have to do is accompany the ship to help them with whatever they may encounter.”

Sam whistled when he heard the outrageous sum she mentioned. “So where is it I have to go this time?” he asked. “The other side of the Galaxy?”

Ahbbbb’s bladders fluttered nervously as she drummed her reply. “Not the other side of our Galaxy, Sam.” Pause. “This is a local trip.”

“I insist on decent accommodations,” Sam declared, trying to keep himself from getting screwed this time around. He wanted to prevent her from booking him on some cheap liner for a long trip as punishment for tricking her out of “her” rightful take of the profits.

Yeah, and he didn’t want to wait until he returned to see any of his share. “Cash advance as well?” he insisted arid smiled when she agreed readily, counting out the credits from her pouch into his sweating hands. This was more cash than he had ever seen before. He stuffed it into his pockets before it vanished. Maybe things were starting to turn around.

The ship she had arranged for him was a monster, far larger than anything he had ever seen before. He was astounded by the accommodations of his quarters once he was aboard. Not only was there a decent Earth toilet and bed, but a full complement of liquor and delicacies that he had not seen in years.