Kris Wilder - The Little Black Book of Violence

Each chapter in this book begins with a poem penned by a samurai warrior or haiku poet on the verge of death. These perspectives are fascinating and, we think, worth your consideration. In the interest of making this book as useful for the reader as possible, however, we have attempted to limit our philosophical commentary in favor of real-life examples and practical advice, using actual people and situations from which you can learn.

A key aspect of this book is the checklist in Appendix A. If you have not already done so as directed in the preface, stop reading the book now, flip to the back, and fill in your answers. This exercise is designed to make you think, putting the information you are about to read into a context that will be meaningful and real for you when you must make decisions under pressure or threat out in the real world. Once you have finished reading the book, go back and do the exercise again. See what you have learned, evaluate if and how your attitude has changed, and reflect on what you might do next time you run across aggressive or violent behavior on the street.

Self-defense really isn’t about fighting; it’s primarily about not being there when the other guy wants to fight. Knowledge and good sense are your main weapons for self-defense.

Our goal is to help you put things into perspective and give you the tools necessary to navigate the world of violence without running into any insurmountable rocks, pitfalls, or traps along your way. It’s a serious topic, yet we have tried to make it interesting, meaningful and, most of all, thought provoking. After all, knowledge and good sense are your main weapons of self-defense.

Rule number one of self-defense is, “Don’t get hit.” Sounds simple at first blush but it’s really more complicated than that. At best, it’s about avoiding situations or locations where violence is most likely to occur. Sadly, we often don’t think about such things or we blow them off as irrelevant, stuff that happens to other guys. Juanita Watkins, a friend of Marc MacYoung’s, summed it up best when she sagely wrote, “Just because something is dangerous doesn’t automatically mean that you are going to get hurt if you do it. I have noticed that the young, inexperienced—or simply imagination impaired—take this to mean there is no danger at all.”

Let’s face it; we all do dumb stuff from time to time. Oftentimes nothing bad happens. When there are no adverse consequences for our behavior, it’s easy to keep on taking risks. Heck, risks can be fun. That doesn’t mean, however, that it’s a good idea to keep pushing the envelope. Traveling through the wrong neighborhoods, hanging out with the wrong people, or frequenting the wrong night spots will have consequences sooner or later, especially if you act out inappropriately while you are there.

Most people who find themselves involved in violence think that they were just minding their own business and when they look up, suddenly this problem comes out of nowhere. It just seems like this at the time, though. There is virtually always some type of build up, something they didn’t see or didn’t recognize the significance of until it became a problem. That’s why it appears to have come out of nowhere. Oftentimes what you think is an innocent comment, gesture, or look is what gets you clobbered.

Self-defense is about keeping your cool, not being the instigator, even inadvertently. It’s about paying attention, being aware of and evading threats before it’s too late. Less ideally, if the violence is right in front of you, it’s about doing all you can to avoid a fight. After all, the only fight you know you’ll win, the one you are guaranteed to walk away from with all your parts and pieces fully intact, is the fight you never get into. This is what Sun Tzu meant when he wrote, “To subdue an enemy without fighting is the highest skill,” more than 2,500 years ago.

This section covers everything you need to know and do to avoid getting into an actual fight. In addition to helping you identify potential threats and how to evade them, it also helps you develop the emotional fortitude you need in order to walk away from a confrontation when the other guy gets in your face and you really, really want to thump him.

Again, the best self-defense is being aware of and avoiding dangerous people and hazardous situations. When that is not possible, when you’ve failed to identify and act upon signs of impending threat, self-defense can still be about verbally de-escalating a tense encounter before it turns violent. Fighting is your last resort to keep yourself safe after you’ve blown your self-defense, when awareness, avoidance, and de-escalation have all failed.

Since it is fundamental to personal safety, we’ll begin by discussing awareness. Situational awareness means a solid understanding of time and place and how they relate to you, your family, friends, and others around you at any given moment. In some ways, it’s more of an attitude than a skill. Any time you are near others, especially strangers, it pays to be vigilant, striking a good balance between obliviousness and paranoia. If you can sense danger before stumbling across it, you have a much better chance of escaping unscathed.

Whenever someone throws a punch, launches a kick, pulls out a knife, or draws a gun something bad is going to happen. The question is not one of ‘if’ but rather of “how much.”

Whenever someone throws a punch, launches a kick, pulls out a knife, or draws a gun—something bad is going to happen. That’s “bad” in a Ghostbusters “don’t cross the streams Egon” kind of way. [5] The 1984 movie Ghostbusters featured Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, and Harold Ramis at their comedic best. The “don’t cross the streams” reference, in case you haven’t seen or don’t remember it, goes like this: Dr. Egon Spengler (Ramis): “There’s something very important I forgot to tell you.” Dr. Peter Venkman (Murray): “What?” Spengler: “Don’t cross the streams.” Venkman: “Why?” Spengler: “It would be bad.” Venkman: “I’m fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, bad?” Spengler: “Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.” Venkman: “Right. That’s bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon…” If you are on the receiving end, you are the one who is going to get hurt, maimed, crippled, or killed. Fortunately, with a little training the majority of all that bad stuff is easily recognizable and avoidable before it gets to the physical part.