Kris Wilder - The Little Black Book of Violence

Cutting from the herd is an age-old technique. It is instinctual, and it works. Be aware of where and when it might be used on you. Do your best to avoid isolated areas like parks, trails, alleys, elevators, and empty buildings, especially at night, unless you have someone else you trust with you. Even if you are in a group, don’t take any unnecessary chances.

If you are attacked in this type of situation, it makes sense to call attention to your predicament. Even in an isolated location, there may still be people around who can hear what’s going on and might choose to investigate. In order to attract attention, however, you need to yell something that stands apart from a generic cry of “help.”

Many self-defense experts recommend screaming “fire” under the assumption that it will make people pay attention since a fire can affect everyone around you. We’re not sure that’s the best choice, particularly if your assailant has a gun. “Oh my god, don’t kill me with that knife,” on the other hand, is a pretty cogent statement. Not only may this tactic have a better chance of attracting attention of a prospective rescuer than a generic shout for help, but it also demonstrates to potential witnesses that you are in legitimate fear for your life should you have to kill your attacker in self-defense. Further, the mere presence of other attentive individuals may make a bad guy stop trying to hurt you and become more concerned about how to escape successfully before authorities arrive to arrest him.

Don’t let yourself be cut from the herd. In such situations, your adversary gains the advantage in numbers, determines the time, chooses the place, has the element of surprise, and is not observed by others. You may be able to attract attention by shouting for help if you do so creatively, but there is no guarantee that it will arrive in time to do you much good. It is far better, therefore, to be aware of this tactic and avoid locations where it might be used against you.

Bullies often look for victims who are eager to preserve their social status or are afraid to lose face, the kinds of guys who are willing to play the escalato game. They are reluctant, however, to take on a challenge that they cannot win. A large group of people changes the equation in your potential opponent’s eyes very quickly. If you are willing to call in support rather than going it alone, you are no longer a helpless victim, but rather a well-protected target.

If you have friends that are willing to help you, call them in immediately before a bad situation comes to blows. This can often end a fight before it begins. If you are dealing with an antagonistic group of guys or, God forbid, a criminal gang, they are already assembled so you are on the short end numbers-wise, or in other words outnumbered, if you cannot gather additional support.

Before he founded his own dojo , Wilder taught karate at a local YMCA. Walking through the hallway in his karate uniform before class one night he discovered a crowd of about half a dozen people looking intently through the gymnasium window. He discovered that the basketball game in the gym had deteriorated into a shouting match and believed that it was rapidly going to escalate to violence. A number of young men, strong and angry, were not only ready to throw down, but very likely to seriously injure each other.

“Somebody should do something.” A woman said, and all heads turned expectantly toward Wilder, the karate black belt. “Like what?” he thought, then, deciding he should take responsibility to act, he turned down the hall, rounded the corner and opened the door to the gym. He then let out the best karate kiai (spirit shout or loud yell) he could muster. Startled by the shout, the youths in the gym paused their argument for a moment and looked over at him in all his “karate glory.”

“Hey,” he said, signaling with his thumb over his shoulder. “The front desk just called the cops; thought you should know.”

With that, he backed the two steps out the door, turned, and left without saying another word. He had advantage of a martial arts outfit that conveyed some level of authority. Using that influence, he yelled at them, made his statement, and left. The threat of repercussions was enough to end the fight before it began, as the players quickly dispersed and exited the building.

Despite what he had told the youths, however, the front desk was located at the other end of the building. Since they were so far away from the action, the desk staff had no idea that anything untoward had occurred, and in fact, had not called the police. Regardless, the police were very real in the minds of the basketball players. Wilder solved the problem by appearing to call in support, and that was all that counted at that moment.

You cannot always bluff though. Simply saying that your friends who are all karate experts are outside, or, “You’re gonna get it when…” is not effective, so don’t bother taking that route. It doesn’t play well in court either. A plausible and instantly believable threat, on the other hand, can be very effective.

Wilder’s intervention not only solved the problem, but kept him safe as well. Standing in the doorway and shouting, he was never close enough to the youths to be at risk. Furthermore, they were only wearing shorts and shoes, so the chances of a hidden long-distance weapon such as a gun were practically non-existent. Upon launching the “cop bomb” he left immediately, knowing that interfering in somebody else’s fight could mean trouble.

Calling in support is often a useful way of cutting short a fight before it begins. A large group of people changes the equation in your adversary’s eyes very quickly. You are no longer a helpless victim, but rather a well-protected target. A plausible threat of authority, such as contacting 9-1-1 might work too. Don’t be afraid to call in support when you need help.

Calling in support is often a useful way of precluding the imperative to fight. Use it when you can to make yourself a harder target.

What you say during a tense encounter can make a crucial difference between your ability to walk away from a potential adversary versus a requirement to fight your way clear. On the one hand, you might be able to verbally de-escalate a tense situation, while on the other you can just as easily set the other guy off if you are not careful. Consequently, while sticks and stones may break your bones, your words can actually kill you. Doesn’t quite match the nursery rhyme, yet this insight is nothing new. The following parable from biblical times (Midrash Psalms 39 from Rapaport’s book) describes the power of the tongue, the life or death impact your words can make:

How flexible is the tongue, and how great is its power! A Persian king’s physicians ordered him to drink the milk of a lioness to maintain his health. Seeking favor from the king, one of his servants offered to procure this rare medicine.

Taking with him some sheep with which to lure the beast, the servant actually succeeded in obtaining milk from a lioness. Fatigued from his trials, he took a break on his journey homeward and fell into a deep sleep. During his slumber, the various members of his body began to argue about which of them had contributed most towards the success of their owner in obtaining so rare a thing as lioness milk.