Anonymous - Pearl

Prick is its friend, its first cousin, I ween,

Tho' prick I confess is a rare go-between;

Prick to a woman much joy can impart,

And prick is a thing that she loves in her heart!

Gee up, &c.

Then here's to the female who yields to a man,

And here's to the man who'll fuck when he can,

For fucking creates all our joy on earth,

And from fucking you know, we all date our birth.

Gee up, Roger,

Wag up, Roger,

Roger's a thing that all women admire.

EPITAPH.

Here lies the amorous Fanny Hicks,

The scabbard of ten thousand pricks,

And if you wish to do her honour,

Pull out your cock, and piss upon her.

THE TRIUMPH OF SCIENCE OVER PHYSIC.

Home they brought the warrior, fed

To repletion more than just;

And the servants, chuckling, said,

"He must shit or he will bust."

Then they gave him castor oil,

Pills and drugs of many a sort;

Yet despite their loving toil,

He would not be taken short.

Stole a maiden to the spot,

And emetics, laughing, dared;

Yet in vain she held the pot,

For he only belched and glared.

Came a nurse of ninety years,

An enema huge she bore;

Shoved it up amidst their jeers,

And he shat for evermore.

SONG.

If anxious Venus, beauty's queen!

Your empire should endure,

Borrow Cecilia's face and mien,

Our homage to ensure.

Though perfect all the charms may seem,

That famed Apelles drew.

Not half so sweet are they, I deem,

As fair Cecilia's Cu.

The feelings of my faithful heart,

My mouth shall still express,

Upon that Cu—, delicious part,

In rapture's wild caress.

Oh! ye, who ne'er disquiet felt,

Nor aught but virtue knew.

Whence is it? But your eye ne'er dwelt

Upon Cecilia's Cu.

Cecilia, think not, from my brain,

The souvenir can remove,

Of thy sweet Cu, 'twill there remain,

Imprinted fast by Love!

But if my thread of life should break,

Expire thy lover true.

May I flight 'mid kisses take,

Imprinted on thy Cu!

GONE TO CA-CA.

Tom brought home some friends,

And not finding his dear,

But only young Harry,

Who look'd rather queer.

(Papa) Hush, Harry! What nonsense!

Run, call your Mama!

(Boy) Mama and de Captain

Are gone to Ca-Ca.

(Papa) Hush, Harry! What nonsense!

Just hear the child talk!

(Boy) Captain pull down his breeches,

Ma pull up her frock!

THE PATIENCE OF JOB.

A fanner and his wife, who had been to church one Sunday morning, were walking home through a country lane, when John said, "Excuse me, my dear, for a minute or two, I want to get over the hedge to do something for myself." After rather a long interval his loving wife, who had walked on a little, returned to look for him, and could hear her good man on the other side of the hedge, blasting, swearing, and damning at an awful rate. She managed to get over to him, and then seeing him stooping down as if troubled by a very hard motion, exclaimed, "John! John! how can you swear so, don't you remember what the parson said about the patience of Job?"

"Blast that damned Job," exclaimed the furious John, "he never had his balls caught in a rabbit trap! Why don't you make haste to help me?"

The poor fellow stooping down to ease himself, had really been caught, and his wife had to release him and help him home.

LATEST SPORTING NEWS.

result of the whoring handicap.

Syphilis………………… 1

Chancre………………… 2

Bubo………………….. 3

Immediately the flag dropped Gonorrhea began making the running for Injection (a brown colt out of Syringe). Coming round the Chordee Bend, Poultice showed well to the front, but when once in the Straight was soon left behind.

They passed the Grand Stand in the following order: Syphilis first, Chancre second, Bubo third, and Suppuration a bad fourth, closely followed by Unction, Black Wash, Lint, and Copaiba. Testicle pulled up much distressed, Capsules bolted. Doctor's Bill (extra weight) came in last.

The Sporting Prophets say that if French Letter had not been scratched she would have altered the result of the race.

NURSERY RHYMES.

There was a young man of Berlin,

Whom disease had despoiled of his skin;

But he said with much pride,

"Though deprived of my hide,

I can still enjoy a put in."

There was a young woman of Cheadle,

Who once gave the clap to a beadle.

Said she, "Does it itch?"

"It does, you damned bitch,

And burns like hell-fire when I peedle."

There was an old Chinaman drunk,

Who went for a sail in his junk,

He was dreaming of Venus,

And tickling his penis,

Till he floated away in the spunk.

There was a young man of Rangoon,

Who farted and filled a balloon.

The balloon went so high,

That it stuck in the sky,

And stank out the Man in the Moon.

There was a young man at the Cape,

On a maiden committed a rape.

Said she, "You damned shit,

You can't fuck a bit,

And you're knocking my quim out of shape."

There was a young parson of Harwich,

Tried to grind his betrothed in a carriage.

She said "No, you young goose,

Just try self-abuse,

And the other we'll try after marriage."

There was a young man of St. Paul's,

Possessed the most useless of balls.

Till at last, at the Strand,

He managed a stand,

And tossed himself off in the stalls.

There was a young lady of Treadle,

Who sat down in Church on a needle,

The needle, not blunt,

Penetrated her cunt,

But was promptly removed by the beadle.

There was a young girl of Newcastle,

Whose charms were declared universal.

While one man in front

Wired into her cunt,

Another was engaged at her arsehole.

There was a young parson of Goring,

Who made a small hole in the flooring;

He lined it all round,

Then laid on the ground,

And declared it was cheaper than whoring.

When Mrs. Conwell was in this country, she showed me a copy she had made of a large picture of a Turkish soldier on horseback. She had made the horse's testicles very conspicuous, and then shamming ignorance, pointed at them, saying, "That is the rider's foot on the other side." "Yes," said I, with a low bow, "very like a foot!" This made her giggle.

SUB-UMBRA, OR SPORT AMONG THE SHE-NOODLES.

(Continued.)

Nothing of moment occurred during the evening, after my visit to Mrs. Leslie, but I could see that Annie was rather piqued because I had nothing to tell her, except that I thought the Colonel's lady a most charming person, and had been pressed to stay with her to luncheon before she would write a reply to my uncle's note.

Next day being the last representation of a celebrated piece at the theatre of the County Town, by a first-rate London company, papa expressed a wish that we should all go in the evening, but Annie and Sophie, giving me a knowing look on the sly, declared they had already seen it once and did not care to go again. For my part, of course, I had seen it half-a-dozen times in town, so it was finally arranged that Frank, Rosa and Polly only would go with papa and mama; they had a drive of more than an hour before them, so started at 6 p.m., and as soon as they were out of sight we three started for the bathing place at the lake. It was such a deliciously warm evening, and it would be just the place for our anticipated pleasures, as I had suggested to Annie and Sophie during the day.