Anonymous - Pearl

In selling meat, or fish, or fruit, that isn't fit to eat;

It supervises Mutton, and is down on faulty weight,

So to guarantee safe Harlots is the duty of the State.

(Now the women had no voice, or else they might have said,

"If you regulate the sale of Human flesh, like meat and bread,

You should grant to us the tradesman's right, by action to recover

The wages of our labour against a bilking lover.")

So a noble Act was passed, the Preamble whereof ran,

"Whereas to fornicate is the right of every man,

"And whereas in exercise of that right are oft contracted

"Disagreeable reminiscences! Be it hereby enacted:

"That a special force of Peelers, henceforth each city pay,

"To apprehend all women, they suspect of being gay;

"Who if they don't disprove the charge before some worthy Beak,

"Shall by this Act, be Speculumed in batches, once a week;

"That in every Town a Surgeon, be appointed to the Post,

"With Speculums provided at the British Nation's Cost;

"And five hundred pounds per annum, to be quarterly paid down,

"To guarantee the soundness of the women of the Town."

Then happy were the Peelers of that sanctified Division,

That was specially deputed to this female supervision;

Thieves, Drunkards, and Garrotters, no longer were their care,

But they played the spy on women who were volatile and fair;

If they saw a flaunting Petticoat that showed too much of calf,

Or a naughty Girl, responding to an Ogle with a Laugh,

If she wouldn't let the Peeler have a cut in with the Swell,

Or tip from her earnings, the Justice not to tell,

Straightway the injured Peeler's virtuous conscience was relieved,

By yielding to the Justice information he'd received;

And such unhappy damsels as a Peeler might select,

For reasons of his own, to be pronounced "suspect,"

Were all served with a Summons to disprove it to the Beak,

Or submit them to be Speculumed in batches once a week;

Then cried every youthful student, "That examining M.D.,

With Ј500 per annum, would be just the Post for me,

No wealthy wife with Coach and Pair, or Patients, would I seek,

But I'd Speculum the ladies at Ј9 10s. per week!"

And thus began the era of Sexual legislation:

To man alone the State allows Free-trade in Fornication;

Diseased or sound — no matter — let him riot fancy free,

And gaily pox the ladies that the Peelers-guarantee;

Is not Man the Nobler sex, for whom was Woman made?

And shall harassing Inspections his liberties invade?

For Man alone, the Bill of Rights, and Magna Charta passed;

And shall Free-born Fornicators be with dirty Harlots classed?

The sauce that suits the Goose, o'er the nobler Gander pour?

Or the State restrict the God-like Sex's privilege to whore?

Since clandestine harlots will in spite of Statutes lure,

In spite of all espionage to keep the men secure;

Methinks the Act is faulty, in not finding means to know

The Article that's warranted, from her that is not so.

A list should be placarded conspicuous to see,

Or some special Chignon ordered, for the Girls we guarantee.

And since on Prostitution 'tis resolved to legislate

(Like Cab fares and Pawnbroking, and the sale of bread by weight);

Methinks 'twere only logical to extend the Act's protection,

And not limit our paternal care to personal infection.

Why not advance another step, extortion to put down,

And regulate the charges of women of the town?

A Commission might be ordered, a scale of fees to draw,

Composed of the supporters of this Sanitary Law

(These Bishops, Deans and Doctors, who have found a new vocation

In preaching up the doctrine of the right of Fornication.)

How early that Commission could assemble every morn,

Taking evidence from Regent Street, the Argyle and Cremorne, Making curious calculations, how to regulate aright

The charge for short engagements, and engagements for all night,

Meditating from the Cab rules, of suggestions the adoption,

A charge for work done, or by time, at the Engager's option.

For reference the Reverends their Bibles might turn over,

To see the charge of Tamar to her Israelitisch lover;

And ponder if the object of the Heaven-inspired Narrator

Was suggestions for the guidance of each future fornicator?

While all Schoolmasters — Bishops, who had on the subject brooded,

Could advise them whether birching should be extra or included.

LADY POKINGHAM, OR THEY ALL DO IT;

Giving an Account of her Luxurious Adventures,

both before and after her Marriage with Lord Crim-Con.

part III.

(Continued.)

He hastily wrote the assignation on his tablets, and we made haste to return to the saloons from which we had been absent quite twenty minutes. A little while after, as I was sitting by the side of Alice, whispering my adventure in her ear, Lady Montairy, to whom I had previously been introduced, came and seated herself by my side. "Ah!" she said, with a sly look, "you're in a fair way to carry off the great prize; my sister Corisande will stand no chance."

"I've only danced one set with him," I replied, demurely.

"Ah!" she laughed, "it was not the Lancers I referred to, but your quiet stroll into the recesses of the conservatory. You had quite a lover's tкte-а-tкte."

"But we did not indulge in a Pas Seul, as you did with His Grace," I laughed, enjoying her confusion. She was speechless with surprise, her eyes fairly started with affright, and I hastened to reassure her, "I'm your friend, dear Lady Montairy, your secret is safe with me, and I hope you will not make any remarks in connection with myself and Lothair."

She squeezed my hand nervously, and asked, "Do you remember Fred's birthday? I was not there, but my brother Bertram was with his cousins the Vavasours, and passed as their brother Charlie, who happened to be too ill to go with them. I'm initiated into your society. We shall meet again," she added with a smile; "I must go now to keep my engagements."

The supper was a fairy feast, except for its substantial reality, and we returned home to Lady St. Jerome's charmed with everything, and especially with the fine prospect we seemed to have of future enjoyment.

Next day I made an excuse to go out alone to pay a visit to an old schoolfellow, and two o'clock found me sauntering through Burlington Arcade. Lothair was there to the minute, and gently whispered in my ear, as I was looking in a doll-shop, "Now, this is really kind of Your Ladyship, and proves you can be depended on; I have made a most excellent arrangement, we have only to step across the road to the Bristol Hotel in Burlington Gardens, where I have ordered luncheon for myself and cousin, in a private apartment, and they know me too well to pry into my affairs."

The chamber-maid attended me in the bedroom, and as soon as I had laid aside my cloak, hat, &c., I rejoined Lothar in the adjoining apartment, where a sumptuous luncheon was set out.

Lothair, whose shyness of the previous evening seemed considerably dispelled, most gallantly insisted upon my partaking of refreshment, before a word of my communication should be uttered. "Besides," he said, "a little champagne will give you courage, if it is at all disagreeable; the scene last night was such a shock to both of us that if you now prefer to be silent I won't press you about what you mentioned in the excitement of such a moment."

His conversation was very lively all through the repast, and when we had nearly finished I asked him to ring for a little milk, which was brought to me; he was at the moment abstractedly examining the debris of a pвtй de foie gras. I poured part of the milk into two champagne glasses, and slyly added about ten drops of tincture of cantharides, with which Alice had provided me, to his portion. "Now, my Lord," I said, "I challenge you to pledge me in a glass of my favourite beverage, champagne and milk, I think it is delicious," pouring out the fizzing wine, and handing him the glass, which I first touched with my lips.