Seymour Leggs - Tease Them With Ease

A tremendously large moving van blocked his path. Three burly men were loading a sofa into the back. A familiar sofa which brought remembrances of a model named Sherry. That was the sofa. Felix's sofa.

Then Felix saw him. "You sneaky thief! You filthy creature!" the red-faced photographer screeched at him.

"Huh?" Neil stepped back but Felix kept coming, crying, cursing, whining.

"Why? Why did you do such a horrible thing to me? I'll get even with you! Remember that, you thief!"

"What?" asked Neil. "What did I do?"

"Oh, don't give me that innocent crap!" hissed Felix. "You burglar! You bastard!"

"What is going on?"

Neil's question went unanswered. Helen's apartment door opened and the massive, muscular bulk of her husband came into the picture. Felix took one look and started to shake. The man's eyes were like burning coals as they ripped a violent stare at the quaking photographer.

"Get out of my sight, you fucking pervert!" her husband bellowed. Neil saw Helen watching from behind her angry, red-faced hubby.

"You can't call me that!" protested Felix.

"The hell I can't, you faggot! I can also smash your face to hamburger! Now get out of my sight!"

Felix ran around the side of the van and tried to hide. The movers were watching the scene and laughing. Finally the husband turned to Helen, kissed her goodbye, and started for his car. On impulse he stopped and yelled once more at the hiding photographer.

"You better be out of this place by the time I get back from work! Or I'll see that you leave in an ambulance!"

The man started his car and drove off. Neil scratched his head and wondered what had happened. That's when Helen said her piece.

"I want the rest of them, Neil," she said.

"He turned. "The rest of what?"

"The pictures! Now don't play dumb with me. I know Felix doesn't have them, you must have them. And I want them now!"

"I don't have them!" Neil cried.

"Don't lie to me! I've been good to you, Neil. You can at least treat me fair!" Her temper was rising, her cheeks flushed.

"But… "

"Get them, Neil. If my husband sees another picture of me sunbathing nude he'll not only kill me, he'll kill whoever has it."

"But Felix had them. I tried to get them from him but he finally asked too much… I just couldn't go through with it," said Neil.

The face of Helen was getting angrier by the minute. "Then who has them?"

Neil shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't even know they were missing."

"My husband searched Felix's whole apartment for them and found nothing. Felix was screaming they were stolen. And I just heard him accuse you of doing it. You're very lucky he didn't tell my husband that," she said.

"I don't get it. How did your husband find out?"

"Somebody, probably you, left one in my mailbox. My husband found it last night and could tell by the angle that Felix had to have taken it from his yard."

"Oh."

"It was one of me sunbathing."

"Just that?" Neil asked.

"Yes. Isn't that enough?" she asked back.

Neil wiped his sweaty forehead. "There are others. Ones of you and me that day."

Helen's face went pale. Her mouth fell open. She knew what would happen if her husband saw one of those. "You mean Felix took pictures of that too?"

Neil nodded. "I was trying to get them from him. He was blackmailing me."

"Oh, God! We've got to find them!" She was shaking.

"But where are they?"

"I don't know! Find them, Neil! Please… " Tears were now streaming down her face. Felix popped his head out his apartment door to see if the coast was clear. Helen saw him and screeched, "You bastard! You slimy creep! If I get my hands on you I'll wring your skinny neck!"

Felix disappeared like a frightened rabbit. Neil took the opportunity to make his getaway too. He rounded the building and headed across the pool area. It was getting late, he had to get to school

"Hello, Neil," said Mr. Crocker.

"Hello, Mr. Crocker." Neil kept walking. Mr. Crocker! He spun around. "Mr. Crocker! Where have you been?"

"Oh, here and there," said the old man. His dark glasses obscured the twinkle in his eyes but his grin was evident. "Beautiful morning, isn't it?"

"I've been looking for you since yesterday!" Neil pointed in the direction of Felix's apartment "Do you know what's happening?"

"Heh heh-heh! Oh, you bet I do!" laughed Mr. Crocker. "You really missed a great scene last night when her husband found the photograph and went after Felix! Ha ha ha! I haven't seen anything so comical in a long time."

"But now I've had it. I'm as good as dead," said Neil.

"Oh?"

"Sure. Somebody has those pictures. The ones of me and Helen… and I guess the ones of me and the model. If they ever- get to her husband I'll get more than he gave to Felix, that's for sure," said Neil.

"True, true. I do think that husband wouldn't like to see those pictures. He'd most likely do some killing, the crime-of-passion type," said Mr. Crocker. His smile didn't fade.

"Now I don't know what to do. Somebody has me over a barrel." Neil sat next to Mr. Crocker, the full impact of his situation was finally sinking in.

Mr. Crocker reached out and patted Neil's shoulder. "Oh, things aren't that bad, my boy. You know, they could be a lot worse."

"Oh. How?"

“Well, those pictures could be in the hands of someone who didn't like you. But they're not."

"They're not? You know who has them?" Neil stood. He waited excitedly for the old man's reply.

'Yep. I have 'em," said Mr. Crocker. His grin moved even wider. Pride showed all over his wrinkled face.

"You do? How did you get them?"

"Heh! Remember when Felix went after you in the pumphouse? When you gave him the type of hosing he didn't have in mind?"

"Yeah."

“Well, he was so hot to corner you he left his apartment wide open. I happened to notice. Heh heh-heh!"

"You took them?"

"Shhhhh… " Mr. Crocker held a gnarled finger up to his lips. Don't want everybody to know I'm a sneak thief. It sure was fun, though, most excitement I've had in a long time."

“I can't believe it."

Then Mr. Crocker's expression changed to seriousness. "Nice pictures… very nice. They bring back so many wonderful memories. Why, I remember when I…"

"Mr. Crocker?" asked Neil. "Are you going to blackmail me?"

The grin came back. "Never, my boy. Never. But I sure would like one of them as a memento. What do you think?"

"Sure. I know it'll be safe with you."

"Good. Now, I've hidden them in the pump house. Let's have a look!"

When Mr. Crocker dug the photos out from under the boxes of pool chlorine and handed them to Neil a tremendous sense of relief flooded him. Mr. Crocker chose a picture showing Neil furiously pumping into Helen's body. Both faces were obscured, it was the safest selection.

Before Neil could burn the photos he decided, to show Helen. He wanted her to see him with the model so she'd know what he went through to get the ones of her from Felix.

When he got to her door she was still angry. But after explaining how a trusted "friend" took it on himself to swipe the photos, she cooled down."

"But how did that one get in the mailbox?" she asked.

"Oh. My friend did that."

"Why?"

"Because he knew what would happen. He knew your husband would be furious and take care of Felix once and for all. It worked, too."

She laughed. "I'll say it did. He nearly killed that limp-wristed creep."

"And now that we have these pictures and the negatives, we're safe," said Neil.

She looked at the photographs one by one. Her face was serious, intent. She studied them slowly, thoroughly. When she got to the pictures of Neil and Sherry her eyebrows furrowed. "Who's this?" she asked.

"Oh, that's Sherry. Felix told me he'd burn all these other ones if I posed for these. Then he double-crossed me. He wanted to have sex with me…"