Heather Brown: Blow girl

"Can I buy you a beer?" he asked timidly.

"Well," I said, "that's nice of you, but I'm off now and I have to get home." Then I said, "Besides, the management lets me drink four gallons a night before I have to pay for any, and I still have two or three glasses to go before I reach my limit."

He laughed, which seemed kind of nice in that place after all the slurping and panting I'd heard. Then there was a pause, and then he moved over to his right a little, into the shadows so I didn't have as good a view of him. Then he said he had a proposition for me.

"Well, what is it?" I asked, straining my eyes to focus on him in the shadows. Forgetting that I was naked, I absent-mindedly bent my knee and lifted a foot so I could brush the gritty sawdust from the bottom of it. I suddenly became aware that I had no clothes on when I heard my cunt squish as I maneuvered my leg, and I dropped it to the floor and defensively crossed my arms in front of me.

"How would you like a hundred dollars?" he asked. All of a sudden I was liking him less.

"How would you like two hundred dollars?" he asked when I didn't answer. "Three hundred?" I

"Hey, hey," he yelled after me, "you ain't mad are you? You gonna be back tomorrow night?"

That was one question I didn't want to answer, and I just kept walking into the cool morning air, not bothering to look back.

A cab finally got me back to Margot's about three a.m. I was exhausted and went to sleep on the couch without even taking off all my clothes. When I awoke in the morning I decided that I would have a cup of coffee and something to eat before I even contemplated Count Porno's Lounge and what I would do about my job them. Walking into the kitchen, I noticed that Margot had left another note. I picked it up and read, "Your boyfriend called last night, and wanted to come over to see you. I told him you were working. He got out of the hospital early and wanted to surprise you. He'll call you again this morning. Margot."

I couldn't believe it. Tom out of the hospital. He must have known he was getting out the last time we talked but kept it a secret to surprise me. I wasn't so sure whether I was pleased or irritated. I was thrilled that we could be together, since, Lord knew, I needed all the emotional support I could get. But I also wished I had had time to get my personal life in order before we were reunited. The shambles things were in hardly seemed the appropriate background for a successful relationship.

I was puttering around the kitchen deep in thought when my consciousness was pierced by the doorbell ringing. At first I thought it was the telephone and jumped about a foot in the air from excitement because I thought it was Tom making his promised call. When I realized it was the doorbell, I walked over to the door and opened it, leaving the chain lock still attached so that I had about three inches of space to peer out through. I couldn't see anyone, but all of a sudden I heard a rumbling voice growling, "All right, lady, open up, this is the police;" and my heart leapt into my mouth.

Half expecting to have the door kicked down if I didn't get it open immediately, I hurriedly detached the chain and opened it widely. To my surprise, instead of a squad of policemen, there stood Tom with a smirk on his face.

"Oh, God, Tom," I gasped, "you scared me! I really thought you were the police!"

He laughed and said, "Well, what have you been up to?"

We looked at each other silently. I was so glad to see him, but I was still getting over the shock he had given me. Finally, he said, "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"Oh, sure, sure," I said. "It's just that you took my breath away."

The minute we were inside and the door was closed behind us, Tom grabbed me and kissed me, and although I appreciated it, I lay limply in his arms. When he had finished he looked at me and said, "What's wrong, Honeysuckle? Is that all the greeting I get?"

"I'm sorry, Tom," I said. "I guess it's just that I'm beat after my first night working. Listen, never mind about me, I want to hear all about how you got out of the hospital so soon."

"I always knew I was going to get out right around the time you did, but I wanted to keep it a secret so you'd be surprised when I appeared out of nowhere. But after the greeting you gave me, I'm not so sure it was the best idea."

I nodded my head, and said, "That's what I suspected, you rascal. Well, anyway, Tom, I'm glad you're here."

"Then why didn't you show it?" he asked, his feelings obviously hurt.

"Oh, you men!" I said in a good-natured scold. "You think if a girl doesn't fall head over heels every time you walk into a room they don't like you any more. Believe me, Tom, it doesn't have anything to do with you, I just have a lot on my mind. You know, having to stay here with my mother, being broke, and this job I've got."

"I understand," he said thoughtfully. "What kind of job did you get, anyway?"

I hesitated for a moment and then said, "Well, frankly, Tom, I'd rather not talk about it now, if you don't mind."

"But I do mind," he said forcefully. "I care about you, Honeysuckle. I feel like your troubles are my troubles."

His concern for me and his willingness to share my problems touched me deeply. "All right, Tom," I said at last, "maybe it's better if I do tell you."

"Good," he said, taking my hand and leading me over to the couch. "Let's sit down and you tell me all about it."

"Well, Tom, it's… it's," I said, stumbling over my words, "it's hard to tell you this, but I got a job-it was the only job I could get-as a dancer in a nightclub downtown."

"What's the matter with that?" he asked.

"Actually, it's a sleazy bar called Count Porno's Lounge, and I dance in the nude." There, I'd managed to get it out!

He turned pale, and was obviously shaken by what I had told him. He tried to act nonchalant about it, but didn't succeed. Finally, he gave up trying to put on an act and blurted out, "That's awful, Honeysuckle! How did it happen?"

"Like I said, I couldn't find any other job," I explained, some of my anxiety gone now that I was well into the story. "They liked my looks and I was hired on the spot for a hundred and fifty a week."

"What do you do?" he asked as if he really didn't want to hear the answer.

"I told you, I dance around in the nude."

"In front of a bunch of men?" he asked.

"Of course," I said, "did you think it was in front of a bunch of nuns?"

He was silent for a moment, looking pensive. Finally, he said, "Do you like it?"

"Well, it's… it's," I stammered, groping for the right thing to say. And then, suddenly, I felt as though I couldn't hold anything back any more, and that everything would be better if I just let what I had churning inside of me out. "Oh, God, why beat around the bush," I sobbed, "it's terrible!"

My body quaked now with racking sobs as Tom put his arms around me and comforted me. "Don't worry, Honeysuckle," he said gently, "you won't ever have to go back there."

"But don't you see," I wailed, "where do I have any choice? I need the money desperately, and it's the only kind of job I can get."

"There's another way," he said softly.

"What?" I demanded to know through my tears. "I've racked my brain looking for some other way, and can't come up with a thing."

"We'll get married," he said firmly.

It took a moment for his remark to sink in, and when it did I couldn't believe it. "Tom, please," I said, "please don't joke with me at a time like this."

"I'm not joking, darling," he said, smiling. "I've never been so serious in my life. If you say you'll marry me, you won't ever have to do anything but stay home and take care of our house and raise our children."

Raise our children, I thought. Never had any phrase been so sweet to my ears. But I had to be sure, and blurted out, "How can you ask me to marry you when we've only known each other such a short time?"